A Parent's Worst Dream Come True
by goldengreaser
Summary: AU- Eight years ago little Ponyboy Curtis was kidnapped from a local hospital but now that he's been found life isn't getting any easier
1. At Home

**Poll- Which story do you want published**

**1. A Ponyboy kidnapping story- **_**Two Worlds, a lie and the Truth**_

**2. Ponyboy injured- **_**Hypoxia**_

**I am working on both and will update a couple of chapter of each. The story with the most reviews will recive focus first.**

**Disclaimer- I do not own The Outsiders**

**August 1957**

Margaret smiled as she lay against Darrel's chest. It was peaceful as they lay together on the couch enjoying a light jazz record. Darrel rubbed his wife's shoulders. She smiled and sighed contently.

"You'll put me to sleep if you keep on."

"Who said there was anything wrong with that?" Darrel asked with a chuckle.

"There isn't anything wrong with that. I just thought you enjoyed my company."

Darrel leaned over and kissed Margaret's neck. She leaned into him. "You know I do

Maggie. I could sit here with you on my chest forever."

"Darrel you can't sit still for more then fifteen minutes at a time." She mumbled sleepily.

"I can try."

"Well if that's the case we better get to our room."

"Sounds good to me."

"Let me check on the boys."

"Yeha that is probably a good idea. I'll be waiting on you."

Margaret sat up and stretched her arms. She turned around and kissed her husband dead on the lips and stroked his cheek. "I'll see you in the bedroom."

"Count on it."

Margaret smiled and walked into her oldest boys' room. The light was shut off. In the dim glow of the hall light she saw the two sound asleep. Darry lay flat on his back, covered up and snoring. He had worn himself at pee-wee football, Margaret knew. Nobody worked at sports like her oldest son.

She looked next at the bottom bunk. Sodapop had kicked his cover off and was contorted all around. He mumbled nothings in his sleep, all the while grinning. Margaret shook her head. Even asleep her son's crazy antics amused her.

She walked over and stroked his hair, laying a kiss on his forehead. Then Margaret pulled the covers over him. Sodapop promptly kicked them of again. Margaret shook her head. She stood on the edge of the bed and stroked her oldest son's hair. Darrel didn't move a muscle. He was a sound sleeper. Shaking her head she left for her youngest son's room.

A glow came from the cover which lumped as if it were a tent. _"I should have known."_ Margaret smiled and tip-toed over. She lifted the covers off her youngest son. Ponyboy held a small flashlight in his hand, reading a book.

Ponyboy looked over his shoulder. He smiled sheepishly like a kid with his hand in the cookie jar. Then he let out a tiny yawn and a large cough. His mother shook her head. "Pony, baby, you should have been asleep three hours ago.

"I can't sleep mommy, don't feel good." Margaret sighed. She put a hand to her son's forehead. It was on fire.

"Baby you're burning up. What feels bad?"

"My throat hurts mommy, bad and I got a head hurt." He coughed and wheezed. Then Ponyboy sniffled rubbing his neck. Margaret sat down and pulled him close. He leaned in.

"Do you want to go in the living room with me and daddy?" Ponyboy nodded meekly. "Okay then." She picked up her son and walked back into the room wear her husband sat on the sofa.

"What's the matter?" Darrel asked eyeing his youngest son.

"Ponyboy has a fever. I think we might be up a little longer. Can he sit with you while I go get the thermometer?"

Darrel smiled softly and stood up. "Of course dear. Come here honey." Ponyboy reached out for his father. Darrel took him in his arms. Ponyboy wrapped his hands around his father's neck and buried his face in his shoulder, coughing all the while.

"Let's go sit down, okay buddy?" Ponyboy nodded meekly. Darrel grinned at him and sitting back down on the sofa, rubbed his son's back.

Margaret was just about to go get the thermometer when she heard coughing coming from her elder sons' bedroom. She sighed. "I'll go see about Darry and Soda."

"No need dear."

Margaret peered her head out of the kitchen. Her oldest son was walking into the living room with his hand over his mouth. "Sit on the sofa Darry. I was getting the thermometer for Pony. I need to check your temperature now too."

"Kay Mom." He replied hoarsely.

Darry turned his head toward his father and brother. "Not feeling good either buddy?" he asked. Ponyboy shook his head.

"My throat hurts and my head."

"Mine too but mom will fix it." Darry coughed harshly and Ponyboy repeated him, moaning slightly. Darrel rubbed the younger boy's back. "Poor little guy."

Margaret walked back into the room. "Okay boys, who is up first?"

Ponyboy buried himself deeper into his father's shirt. "I guess I'll go first mom."

"Okay then, you know the routine Darry, tongue up." She stuck the thermometer in her son's mouth. "Hold it steady." Darry nodded. Margaret walked over to her younger son. "When Darry's done I need to check you baby. I know you don't like it but it won't hurt."

Ponyboy pocked his head out from his father's chest and nodded. He turned around to face his mother. "Kay mommy."

"That a boy." Darrel said messing his son's hair affectionately.

"Okay Darry lets see that thermometer." Margaret took it from her son. "100.9, not to high but you definitely have a fever."

She shook out the thermometer and cleaned it on her skirt. "Okay Pony, honey open wide." Ponyboy opened his mouth and his mother stuck the thermometer in his mouth. "No hold it nice and still under your tongue just like Darry did, just like a big boy."

Ponyboy nodded eager to show his mother what a big boy he was. After all anyone about to be five should be a big boy or at least that was the way Ponyboy saw it. He held nice and still while his dad mussed his hair.

"There now." Margaret looked at the thermometer and sighed. "102. That is a little on the high side. Pony you be a good boy and stay with Darry here on the sofa okay? I'll make you some tea. Darrel wrap Pony in a blanket. I want to sweat that fever out of him. And please make sure Soda doesn't come near these two. We don't need him sick too."

Darrel sat a coughing Ponyboy down and kissed his wife. "Anything you say." He went to the linen closet while Maggie headed toward the kitchen." It was going to be a long night.


	2. Sick Little Baby

**I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

Margaret woke up around six in the morning to the sound of two separate hacking coughs, one deeper than the other. She wrapped her robe around herself and went to investigate. Darry sat on the sofa with a sleeping Ponyboy in his lap, only Ponyboy was still coughing.

"He's warmer mom. I don't think he slept good last night." Darry said hoarsely. His little brother wheezed.

Margaret walked over and knelt by the sofa. She rubbed her youngest son's hair back. "Pony honey, wake up." Ponyboy flittered his eyes open and looked up. "It hurts." He whispered softly.

"You're throat?"

The little boy nodded and coughed some more. Margaret pulled him to her. "You're burning up sweetie. Let's get your temperature."

"Kay."

"You too Darry. You don't look to good yourself."

"Yes mame."

Margaret ran to get the thermometer. Meanwhile Darrel walked in. "Hey boys, how you feeling?"

"Not so good dad." Darry said solemnly. Ponyboy gave a fit of coughs and moaned Darry sighed. "Mom's gone to get the, " he coughed, " thermometer."

"I see." He sat on the sofa pulling Ponyboy to his lap and muffling Darry's hair. "Well here comes your mother. Good morning dear." Margaret nodded.

"Okay Pony, honey will you open your mouth?" Ponyboy nodded meekly and opened wide. "Hold it there like a big boy." Darrel kept rubbing his back.

"You're almost through honey." Ponyboy sniffled.

Margaret pulled the thermometer out of her son's mouth. "Darrell, get Ponyboy dressed we need to take him to the hospital."

Ponyboy's eyes grew wild. "No. No." he whined coughing and wheezing.

"I know you hate doctors buddy but we got to go." Darry said trying to smile.

"How bad is it?' Darrel whispered.

"103.5" Even Darry looked worried.

"I can dress him."

"No, you need to have your temperature checked too. I think you might be needing that doctor's visit too." Darry sighed as his father and brother left the room.

"Yes mame."

Just then Soda walked in rubbing his eyes. "Why is Pony getting dressed so early? School isn't this early is it?"

Margaret laughed. Sodapop sounded if he dreaded the thought of that. "No dear, he and Darry are staying home today."

"Can I stay home too? I'll be good."

"Their sick."

"I can help then. Come on I CAN PLAY WITH Pony while Darry sleeps. I'll be good." He rambled.

"You're going to school Sodapop PatRichard. Besides Pony's too sick to play today."

"Awe man."

"Maybe this weekend."

"Okay but do I really have to go to school."

"Yes you do. Besides you don't want Steve to have to be all by his self today."

"No."

"That a boy."


	3. Hospital Thoughts

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders **__****_

The hospital was crowded and noisy. Ponyboy was coughing up a storm and crying. He hates, hates, hates doctors. They scare him half to death. And he's not so big on crowds either. My brother's shy like that.

I wasn't feeling so hot wither and Ponyboy carrying on wasn't helping. Don't get me wrong I love the little guy. He's my baby brother. But I didn't need the extra stress. Mom was rocking Pony trying to calm him down. He looked awful.

I sighed. I really should learn to more patient. He's only five years old. I'm eleven. I can handle being sick a little better then he can. Besides he was sicker. I can't say that I wasn't at least a little bit jealous. I was getting too old for it, but right about now I wanted mom to be holding me. I was sick too. Like I said I need to be a little more understanding.

I looked over. "Hey Pony," I said hoarsely, "Try getting some sleep. I bet if you're really good mom will sing you a song."

"Pwease mommy?"

"We're in a hospital."

"Pwease."

"Alright. Do you want me to sing All Through the Night?"

"MMM."

"Okay then. I can't say no to those faces can I?"

I smiled. Even though I'm to old for it I love mom's singing. It doesn't just calm Ponyboy, it helps me to.

Mom began to sing in a soft low voice. Every pitch, every note was perfect. "Sleep my child and peace attend thee, All through the night. Guardian angels God will send thee, all through the night. Soft the drowsy hours are creeping, hill and vale in slumber sleeping I my loving vigil keeping all through the night While the moon her watch is keeping All through the night While the weary world is sleeping all through the night O'er thy spirit gently stealing Visions of delight revealing Breaths a pure and holy feeling All through the night Sleep my child and peace attend thee All through the night All through the night"

I yawned and looked over at Ponyboy. He was fast asleep. "You should gets some rest too."

I coughed. "I'm good." Mom shook her head and sighed. It would be a while yet.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

A few hours had past. A nurse came out all in white. Her sneakers clicked oddly as she walked. "Curtis Darrel and …," the nurse was confused by my brother's name. Lets just say most people don't share my father's unique sense of creativity. , "Ponyboy?"

Mom and I stood up and walked with the nurse. Ponyboy was so tired from being sick that he wasn't woken up by any of this movement. He just slept soundly against mom's shoulder. I envied him. My throat was killing me and I just wanted to crawl under the covers and fall asleep.

We walked into a small cubical office and I hoped on the paper sheet covered bed thing. Mom shook Ponyboy gently awake. He groaned and started crying. His throat must have hurt something awful because he stopped screaming in a matter of seconds and tightened his grip on mom, tears still falling rapidly but silent tears.

She kissed his forehead. "Ssshh, ssshh I know baby. I know. It hurts. It will hurt less if you calm down. Why don't you sit with Darry? I'll bet he don't mind sharing that bed of his."

My throat itched and I sneezed. "Yeha Ponyboy. My butt's not so big that you can't fit."

"Darrel Shayne…."

"Sorry ma."

She laughed and shook her head, handing Ponyboy to me. He laid his head against my chest. I could feel him breathing raggedly, poor kid.

A doctor walked in a few minutes later with a clip board. "Hello boys I'm Doctor Forbes. You must be Darrel and Ponyboy. "Ponyboy lifted his head up for a moment from my shirt but quickly buried it back in there. He's awful shy.

"What seems to be the problem?"

"They both are coughing and have sore throats. Ponyboy also has ragged breathing and a fever of 103.5. Darrell's is 101.5."

"Okay then lets have a look at Ponyboy first, Is he the youngest?" Mom nodded. "Can I have a look at you Ponyboy?" Ponyboy grasped onto my shirt.

"Come on buddy. The sooner you let him look let him you the sooner you'll get better."

Ponyboy nodded and turned around. The first thing the doctor did was look at his throat. Then he took his temperature and felt around his neck. He did the same to me.

He took some blood next, Ponyboy wailed and wailed all the more because it hurt to do so. "Okay now I need you to both open wide. He took out two qutips. I need to take a swab. I'm going to brush these on your throats and then take them to the lab.

Three hours and a very grumpy Ponyboy later the doctor came back into the room. "Hello again Mrs. Curtis. I have the results. It seems Darry here has a case of strap throat. He should get some rest and drink plenty of fluids, juice and water, no soda." Ponyboy smiled and mom popped a smile as well. Both were thinking of our other brother

"I'm going to prescribe antibiotics and I want him to stay home until he gets the all clear from me. I wouldn't want this to act up and Darry get sicker and spread germs.

Now as for Ponyboy he has tonsillitis and I noticed he's had it before. He also has a case of strep and a small respiratory infection. He needs his tonsils out and soon. We'll also but him on a large does on antibiotics. Darry will be on strict bed rest and Ponyboy will have to stay here a few days until we are sure he is one hundred percent better"

My brother shivered and mom flinched. Is it absolutely necessary?" Mom asked, by now having Ponyboy on her lap.

"Unless you would like to risk further infection or permanent damage to his throat or vocal cords I would highly advise doing so.

"Alright then…," mom sounded uncertain. "When can you do it?"

"I'm supposed to go off the clock in a few hours but I'd like to go ahead and get this over with so I can get Ponyboy feeling better. His throat will be in a lot of pain for a few days e and he may not want to talk for awhile but it will get him feeling better and he will get strep and other infections less often."

"Let me at least call my husband."

"Very well."

**I will update my other poll story once more two. In three weeks, based on my poll my decision will be made.**


	4. Daddy to the Rescue

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

Darrel Curtis came into the emergency room holding his seven year old son by the hand. He was ragged and smelly still in his work cloths. He walked over to the nurse's station. "Hello I'm Darrel Curtis. I got a call from my wife saying my son Ponyboy is supposed toi be having surgery."

"Sir we don't take kindly to pranks."

"Please just check it out." The woman looked at her pape3rs rolling her eyes when she saw the name was legitimate.

"Bed 23 and sorry for the trouble."

"Thank you. Come on Soda, let's go see Ponyboy."

"Kay."

They walked into the room from the long narrow hallway. A nurse was checking Ponyboy blood pressure and he was crying. "PONY." Soda leapt for his brother. His father caught him by the back of his shirt.

"Easy there Pepsi-Cola. Ponyboy's in no shape for horsing around. Try to keep him calm, okay."

"Yes sir."

"Hi Pony." Ponyboy just waved.

"I'm scared." He said softly, roughly. Darrel walked over and put his arms around his son.

"It won't be so bad. You'll be asleep the whole time and when you wake up you can have all the ice cream you want. Chocolate at that."

"Really?"

"Promise."

"Kay then."

"Ah you must be Mr. Curtis. Would you like to carry your son to surgery?"

"Would you like that honey?"

Ponyboy nodded curling himself into his father. "Okay then lets go."

* * * * * * * * * * *

"Pony, honey wake up. It's mommy."

"I'm here to buddy. You're okay."

Darrel and Margaret Curtis looked at their son. He whined groggily. His throat was hurting still and he felt so sleepy still.

"You were so brave honey. You did real good.

"Mmm…."

"When you get more woken up you can have some ice cream, chocolate."

Ponyboy smiled loopily. "Awe chocolate," Darrel said wistfully, "the key to a Curtis man's heart."

Margaret rolled her eyes. "I don't know what to do with your daddy."

"Keep me."

"I think I will."

Just then a nurse came into the room. "I'm sorry to interrupt but your other son Darrel is feeling a bit worse. I know you want to stay with Ponyboy but Doctor Forbes believes he should go home and rest."

Darrel sighed. "You stay with Pony dear. I'll take Darry and Sodapop home and come to get you a bit later."

"Alright I love you." Darrel kissed Margaret's cheek. "I love you too." He walked over to Ponyboy and kissed his forehead. Ponyboy grabbed on to his father's shirt.

"I love you too little guy. I'll come see you during my lunch break tomorrow. How does that sound?"

"Mmmm, good." His voice was raw and hoarse."

"That's my boy. Get some rest. I love you "

"Love you daddy." Ponyboy moaned. It still hurt so badly. Darrel kissed him once more.

Waving at his wife and son, Darrel walked from the room. If he had only known what was going to happen he never would have done it.


	5. Kidnapping at Needlepoint

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

Mommy couldn't come to see me today. My brother Darry felt real sick so she stayed home. Daddy had to work and Soda was at school, so I was lonely. The hospital was scary. Everything was cold and white. The nurses kept pricking and poking me. I was pretty sure there was a monster under the bed too. The monsters always come when I don't have daddy. He's big and strong and chases them away.

My throat was hurting and so was my tummy. I think I ate too much. Mommy never lets me do that but she was being nice on a count of I was sick. But I think the ice cream made me sicker.

My big brother, Darry once ate a bunch and bunch of Halloween candy on a dare. He blew chunks for hours. That's what Soda calls it. Except mommy says it's not so, so oh ya polite. I think it's funny. Cept right now. I think I'm going to blow chunks and that hurts my throat worse.

I don't like being here. Doctors scare me. The nurses are mostly nice though. Except of course they like to poke me with cold stuff. But they come to my room sometimes with none of the bad stuff. They told me stories and brought me toys. So I liked them well enough.

I was laying in bed because they wouldn't let me do nothing else. Boy was I board. At least when I'm sick at home I got stuff to do. Mommy brings me puzzles and we sit on my bed and do them together. She sings to me and we read. But mommy has to stay home with Darry and they don't have no puzzles here.

I yawned. Just then a lady walked in. She had on a nurse's outfit but I didn't know her. She had red curly hair and big freckles. I have red hair too but mommy says when I get bigger it will be brown like Darry's. I want to be just like him cause he's big and strong and gives my piggy back rides.

The nurse lady picked up the clip board by my bed. Mommy says it tells the nurses all about me so they don't do nothing they aint supposed ta. She smiled at me real wide.

"You must be Ponyboy."

I nodded shyly. I'm kind of scared of people even if they're real nice. Mommy says I'm shy and quiet. I think so too. If I know some one though I can talk to them. Like when I'm not sick I love to talk to my other older brother Soda. We talk and talk. He's one of my favortist persons in the entire whole world, I think.

"I'm Nurse Tonya. You have a very pretty name Ponyboy."

"Thank you." I said softly. I moaned. It hurt to talk.

"Oh and so polite too. How old are you sweetie?"

I held out four fingers. "But I'm gonna be five."

"Oh so you're going to be a big boy."

I nodded.

"Oh and what a big boy you are." I smiled. I like when people tell me I'm grown up. It's no fun being littler then everyone else.

"Are you bored Ponyboy. I'll bet you are. Did you know we have a garden It has lots of flowers and animals, and some coloring books."

"Really?"

"Oh yes. You can go there if you want. I'll take you."

I nodded. I wanted to see the garden. I like it lots and lots outside. Sometimes daddy takes me out at night and we look up at the stars. Daddy says there are pictures up there. He calls them this really big word that I don't know how to say.

"I thought you might."

Tonya pulled out a needle. I shivered. I do not like shots one bit. They're scary and they hurt. She walked over and sat on the bed. She smiled at me warmly. "It will only hurt for a minute. This is going to make your throat feel better. I promise. We can't go to the gardens if you feel sick. It wouldn't be fun would it?"

I shook my head. "Good now I'm going to give you the magic medicine and then I can carry you to the garden."

I looked at the shot again and shivered. It was awful big. Tonya grabbed my hand. "You want to go to the garden don't you? You know only good boys who take there medicine can go. Will you be good?"

I nodded. "There now."

I squirmed. She smiled at me again and messed up my hair. Darry and Daddy do that sometimes. "It'll be all over in just a minute." I felt a prick and then it was done.

"It hurts."

"I know but soon it won't hurt anymore."

I started to feel sleepy like I stayed up all night. I get in trouble for that cause mommy says I never get out of bed when I stay up too late.

"I feel sleepy."

"You just get some rest then." Tonya sat on the bed. "When you wake up everything will be better."

"Promise?" I asked yawning.

"Yes. Just close your eyes and if you fall asleep, that's okay. When you wake up you'll be in the garden."

"Kay."

I yawned again and felt a warm blanket being wrapped around me. Tonya hugged me. I think she kissed my forehead. But I was so sleepy I couldn't be sure. Once more I yawned and then I must have fallen asleep.

**If I get a lot of reviews I will update sooner.**


	6. A Living Nightmare

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

The hot summer sun sweltered down on my back. I whipped a stand of sweat from my forehead breathing heavily. The load I carried was heavy and my back was acing. Finally the lunch bell rang. I sighed in relief. I could get some food now and see Ponyboy.

The poor little guy must be scared, there all by himself. If only I didn't have to work today. Maggie needed to stay home with Darry but I certainly would have been able to stay with Pony. But of course we needed the money so my little buddy would have to settle for my lunch hour.

I'd make it up to him though. I decided to bring him a burger and fires from the Tasty Freeze and of course a chocolate milkshake to boot. I wasn't sure if he would be able to eat it but I hoped it would help.

The hospital was right across from the Tasty Freeze so it was not out of my way. I couldn't wait to see Ponyboy's face light up when he saw his favorite treats. I hate seeing him sick and all alone in a big hospital. Anything I could do to make him happy again I would do. I never realized it until I had my boys, nothing makes a man happier then the smiling faces of his children.

So anyways I walked into the hospital visitors' lobby. It was crawling with cops. They were all over the place. I looked at the scene curiously. A nurse ran up to me. Her face was distraught. "Sir we are not allowing visitors at the moment."

"I'm here to see my son. He's just a little boy. Surely….."

"You're son?"

I nodded. "Yes he had his tonsils out. I thought he could do with some cheering up."

"Tonsils?"

I nodded. "Yes he's just a little boy."

"Just a minute sir. Please stay right there." She went off to talk to what looked like the head nurse. I blanched. Have you ever got that nasty feeling that something was wrong, that you were about to get some really bad news? That's how it felt then.

The nurse walked up with a cop. "Are you Ponyboy Curtis's father." I nodded.

"Yes, what has all of this got to do with my son."

"I'm afraid I have some rather disturbing news."

I felt sick. Surely nothing had happened. I know he is sicklier than his brothers but he couldn't have gotten that sick already. He had tonsillitis, strep throat. They could be serious I know, but surely not that serious. He couldn't be, he wouldn't be dead.

"What is it?" My voice was gruffer then I would have liked.

'Sir I don't know how to begin." It was the cop. "My name is Officer Holdidad. An hour and a half ago some nurse's went to check your son's vitals. Your son was gone and his chart was missing."

"Missing?"

The officer nodded. He was young for a cop but he looked even younger than. "The nurse's searched the entire hospital and could not find him. The hospital has been searched high and low but there is no side of him."

This was maddening how could a hospital lose a five year old child. He was too small and sick to run off and Ponyboy knew better. Oh glory he knew better. I dropped the bag I was holding. "Just what exactly are you suggesting here?"

The room grew silent. The nurse and officer stared at the floor. Surely they could not be saying something else, something worse. Another officer stood forward. "I am Lieutenant Michaels. We will do everything we can sir. We are doing another sweep of the hospital as we speak. I am afraid that if he doesn't turn up there may have been fowl play involved. Your son may very well have been abducted."

Abducted, how on earth does a four year old boy get abducted from a hospital? They were supposed to be watching him. I felt sick and angry. But most of all I was worried. What if it was true?

"You were supposed to be watching him." I said bitterly as my shoulders shook.

How would I tell Maggie? How could I tell her that our little boy was missing, that maybe just maybe somebody had stolen him from us? How on earth could I tell her that? It would break her heart.


	7. Roadside Asylum

**Dislcaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

**Tonya's Pov**

**28 Miles South of Rawridge Kansas: 7 Hours After Kidnapping**

I pulled into onto the side of the road. The little boy was stirring again. I got out into the backseat. I held him in my arms. His eyes flickered open and he looked around. He started to squirm and cry. "Mommy, Mommy help."

"Sssh," I soothed, "I'm here. Mommy is here."

He squirmed writhed all the more. "No, I want Mommy." his voice was horse from surgery. I had looked at his chart.

"I'm here. I'm your Mommy now. Mommy loves you."

"You're not my Mommy." he tried to get out of my grasp. I hated to do it but I had to hold him very tight I stepped from the car once my grip was tight enough. He coughed. He was still sick.

"If you be still you will stop coughing." "I want my mommy." He said hoarsely.

"Aren't you being a silly little guy. I'm you're mommy."

"NO." he said softly. As I sat I rocked my new little boy. He'd understand soon enough and he would love me and never ever want to leave home again. Me and him and Richard would be happy together. And he would be a good son. He would listen.

He started squirming and screaming I'd never be able to take him home. He needed to be home with me so we could be a family. Me my son and Richard we would be the perfect family. We just had to get home first.

"You're going to the magic garden again. And when you wake up we'll be all better." I pulled out another shot. "This is going to let you go back and you can play with all the animals and the flowers and have lots of wonderful dreams. And when you wake up we'll be home."

"Home with mommy and daddy and my brooders?"

"Silly boy you're our only baby." I poked him and held him still until he was completely asleep. I smiled. He was a beautiful child.

Asleep he looked much younger. Oh how I wanted to hold him so. Still I had to get on the road.

"Sleep tight my little one. Mommy loves you." I ran my fingers threw his hair. It was red just like mine. He had cute little freckles around the face and round cheeks. I kissed his forehead I longed to stay there just a few more minutes but we had to get going. So I turned around and started the car.

* * * * * * * * *

**Somewhere in Missouri Four Hours Later**

I pulled into our long driveway. The little boy was stirring again. I got out into the backseat. I held him in my arms. His eyes flickered open and he looked around. He started to squirm and cry. "Mommy, Mommy help."

"Sssh," I soothed, "I'm here. Mommy is here."

He squirmed writhed all the more. "No, I want Mommy." his voice was horse from surgery. I had looked at his chart.

"I'm here. I'm your Mommy now. Mommy loves you." I sighed, not this again.

I hated to do it but I had to hold him very tight I stepped from the car once my grip was tight enough. As I walked I rocked my new little boy.

"We're home now. Your Daddy is waiting on us."

"No." he whined.

"Sssh be a good boy now. Mommy loves you but you have to be good. Daddy likes order. Be a good boy for Mommy and be nice. Daddy will be nice to you if you're a good little boy."

He tried to squirm. "You're not Mommy." he said cried losing his voice.

I kissed his forehead holding him tighter. "Sssh, you don't know what your talking about. You've had a long day. Now be good." I said this a little harsher then I would have liked. My little boy sniffled and coughed.

He was burning up but I would take care of that later. Richard would have to come first. I was sure he would be glad I found the perfect son. Richard should have a beautiful child and I think I did well. Our little boy was so precious.

We walked inside of the house. "Richard, I'm home." Richard was my boyfriend but he said we'd get married if I got a kid. Oh our little boy was adorable. Richard would love him once he learned to behave.."

Richard walked out into the room in his loveliest green sweater and kakis. He was handsome so handsome.. "You got a kid."

"Isn't he beautiful. It took a lot of looking but now see. You have a son Richard. I found you're son. " the little boy cried. I rocked him but he kept crying.

"SHUT-UP!" Richard yelled. Our little boy sniffled. "Shut that kid up or I will!" I nodded.

"Okay honey stop crying. You're being a bad boy right now. I have to show you you're room. I've had it ready a very long time."

The boy kept crying. I wondered if another tranquilizer would be safe. "For heaven sakes shut him up. He's giving me a headache."

I nodded. Our little boy hadn't learned yet to be good but he would. Richard would just have to give him a chance. "Shhh, darling it's alright. You're just cranky, huh?"

The boy cried harder. I didn't think another tranquilizer was such a good idea it could hurt him but how could I shut him up?

Sighing I took him to his room.


	8. The Darkest Hour

Ponyboy Curtis sniffled. He'd been locked in a tiny bedroom for five hours. He really had to pee and he was hungry. And he felt sick. His throat hurt and his head and everything. He just wanted to go home. He wanted his Mommy, and Daddy not that man and woman; and he wanted his brothers. Where were they? He didn't know.

The woman, Tonya walked in and closed the door behind her. Ponyboy backed up to the wall. She advanced toward him and he shook fearfully. "Ssshh. it's okay."

He pulled his legs up too him. "I wanna go home." he cried. The woman crawled over and stroked his face. He cried more.

"This is home silly." He cried more.

Richard walked in and looked at him. "This little brat is still giving me a headache. Shut him up now!"

"Richard he's scared."

"I'll give the kid something to be scared about." Ponyboy cried louder. Richard walked over yanked Tonya away and slapped the boy. He cried again and Richard whacked him again. Then he kicked him hard.

Tonya cried. "Please, Richard."

"Shut up! You wanted a kid fine but he's got to learn to toe the line." And he gave Ponyboy another kick. "Will you be good from now on?"

Ponyboy sniffled but nodded. Richard yanked him up by the arm but the poor boy could hardly understand.

"You listen and you listen well. You will respect your mother. No more of this I wanna go business. This is your home now. Nobody wants you anywhere else. Your parents sure don't want you. But Tonya does and why that is I don't know. Now I might consider wanting you but if you keep this up I don't think I will. And trust me kid you don't want me to not want you."

He twisted Ponyboy's arm. "Anymore mention of home and I'll beat the living daily lights out of you! This is your home and you will like it. "

Richard threw Ponyboy to the ground. "Clean him up. You can keep him." He walked out of the room. Tonya crawled over to Ponyboy who no longer stirred. He had tears streaming but made no sound.

"Sssh. it will be okay. You just have to be a good boy. Richard isn't so bad. He'll want you soon; you just have to be a good boy. Please just be a good boy."

Ponyboy sniffled again. He woman smiled. "I'm here. I love you. Richard will love you too. You just have to be a good boy, be a good boy for mommy."

Ponyboy didn't move. Tears just flowed freely. Tonya wiped them. "That's my boy, that's my boy. She kissed his cheek. "That's my little angel."

* * * * * * * * * *

**Darry's Pov**

It's been three days; three days since dad called us from the hospital. Its been three days since anyone has seen Pony and I am scared for him. He's just a baby really, a kid. Who would hurt a little kid like that? I know he couldn't have just gotten up and gone off on his own. He's just a little kid and he knows better. Besides he's sick. Ponyboy never does much more than lay about when he's sick like that.

Soda and I have been sent to our room. Dad wants me to play with him but neither of us are in the mood. At seven years old Soda doesn't really understand all that is going on but he understands enough to know it is bad. He's just sitting down play mindlessly with his blocks.

Are walls are thin and we can hear dad in the living room talking to cops and reporters. His voice is sad, desperate. Usually it's on the fringe of laughing. Lacking a moment of punishment for one of our escapades, Soda and I have never heard dad so serious.

We can hear cries coming from Pony's room. She barely leaves there now. Soda looks up at me. His little face is etched with concern and sadness like somebody has just informed him that Santa Claus isn't real.

"Darry," He says sadly, " I want Ponyboy. When is he coming home?" I didn't know what to say. I just coughed. I was still feeling under the weather.

"Darry?"

"I don't know?"

"Does Mommy and Daddy?"

"No, that's why we have cops here all the time now." I explained.

"Oh."

I felt bad for Sodapop. As much as I missed Ponyboy I knew he did more. Soda and Pony are practically inseparable. Pony is Soda's favorite playmate. And at least I had a vague idea of what was going on. The only thing Soda knows is that Ponyboy isn't anywhere he's supposed to be. He doesn't understand the concept of kidnappings, of murder. Because stealing a person doesn't make since to a seven year old mind. I'm eleven and I don't really understand. How can a person steal another person?

I sighed. "Lets go see mom."

"She's sad." Sodapop said softly.

"I know."

Sodapop looked down. "Does that mean something bad happened to Pony?" If he were okay Mama wouldn't be crying." Sometimes Soda can be perceptive.

"I don't know." I knew of course but how could I tell Soda that?

We walked into Ponyboy's room. Mom was holding one of Pony's stuffed bears crying. Her usually neat hair was disheveled and her cloths were wrinkled. I coughed and she looked up.

"Mommy, why are you crying? Ponyboy will be back soon won't he?" Soda asked.

Mom held out her arms and Soda crawled onto the bed to her. I followed suit. She said nothing, just held us both there for a moment. Then she spoke. "I don't know honey."

"How come? Where is he, why won't anybody tell me?" Soda was whining now, tears about to flow. He wasn't used to the unknown and neither was I.

Mom gave him a kiss on the top of his head and pulled him to her. I crawled closer. She pulled me to her. "We don't know where he is Soda because somebody took him." she explained.

"You mean like stole him."

"Yes." Mom said slowly. Her voice sounded very tired.

"Why did somebody steal him?"

"We don't know baby."

"Oh." Sodapop said softly. Mom cuddled him and Soda let her. He's an affectionate kid most of the time but he's at that stage where you try to start acting more grown up, more tough.

Mom squeezed my shoulder. "Darry are you okay?"

I looked up. Of course I wasn't okay. My little brother had been kidnapped. I wasn't stupid I knew about faces on a milk carton that were never seen anywhere else again. I knew that my baby brother might be dead. Most of all I knew that if I hadn't have been sick this never would have happened. It was my fault.

"Yeha!" I grumbled. I couldn't tell this to my mother. She would hate me.

Just then Dad walked in. He looked very disheveled and tired; every bit as much as mom. He sat down on the bed. "They still don't know anything yet."

Mom sighed yet again. "Oh Darrel, how on earth does a five year old go missing from a hospital without a trace." I couldn't help but wonder the very same thing.

Dad kissed mom's cheek and placed a hand on my shoulder. "We'll find him you'll see." I hoped for all our sakes, but especially for Pony's, that my dad was right. I just couldn't imagine life without my baby brother.


	9. Dispare

**I do not now nor have I ever owned anything resembling **_**The Outsiders**_** or its characters. Poor me ******

**Two Weeks Later:**

There was a knock on the door. Darry looked up from his blocks. "I hope it's not those reporters again." He said softly

"But daddy says they can help us find Ponyboy."

"Yeha but they make him mad and they don't ever leave us alone."

"I guess so."

Darrel walked into the room. "Stay there boys."

"Yes sir."

"Hello?"

"Darrel its Sara, can I come in?"

"Just a second."

Darry looked at his father. He looked so tired and worn out. It made him sad.

"Hello Sara."

Sara Matthews smiled sadly. "I made some spaghetti. I didn't figure you or Maggie would feel like cooking."

"Thank you."

"How is she?"

Darrel ran his hands through his hair. "She won't hardly come out of Ponyboy's room."

"Bless her heart, and you and the boys?"

"As good as can be expected I guess."

"I'm having Steve and little Johnny over tonight. Why don't you let me bring Soda and Darry over? It might do them some good to be out of the house. It can't be to fun being cooped up. They should get their minds off things. Poor little guys."

Darrel sighed. "I don't know. I'd like them where I can see them."

Sara put a hand on Darrel's arm. 'I won't let them leave my place. George and I will keep an eye on them. They'll be with the other boys. It will be perfectly safe."

"Alright but I want to walk with you all."

"That'll be fine."

'Would you like that boys." Darrel turned to look at his sons.

'Yes sir."

"Darry, what about you?"

"I can stay here dad. You and mom might need my help." Darrel leaned down and hugged his oldest son.

"We'll be fine. You go with Soda."

"Yes sir."

"You go help the boys pack. I'll go see if I can coax Maggie out."

"Thank you Sara."

"No problem."

* * * * * * * * *

"Maggie, dear. It's Sara."

"Come in."

Sara opened the door. She found her friend and neighbor curled up into a ball on the tiny child's bed. Her hair was disheveled and her clothes were wrinkled. She held on tightly to a teddy bear.

Sara felt her hear wrench. She didn't know what hurt worse, seeing the usually very together Margaret Curtis breaking down or the fact that the cute little Curtis boy may never sleep with his teddy bear again."Come on dear. Let's get you cleaned up. You aren't doing Ponyboy any good like this. Come on dear get cleaned up and get some sleep."

Margaret shook. "Oh Sara, my baby, my baby." Sara sat on the bed and pulled her friend to her rocking her like a child.

"SSHHHH dear, it'll be okay." But how could it be? Sara didn't know how any parent could go through this nightmare and be alright.

*** * * * * * ***

"Boys, we have some special visitors." Sara Matthews placed a hand on Darry and Soda's shoulders. Three little boys came running into the room. They stopped when they saw the brothers.

"Hey."

"Hey."

Steve Randle walked over to Soda. He looked down at the floor. "Sorry about your brother."

"Yeha sorry guys." Keith replied. Johnny just nodded in agreement.

Sara smiled sadly and bent down in front of the boys. "I'll take your stuff to Keith's room. "You go out and play."

The boys nodded softly. "Yes mame."

Sara patted Darry's shoulder and ruffled Sodapop's hair. "Try to have some fun boys, okay? Everything's going to be alright, you'll see."

They nodded and Sara left the room. For a good few minutes the boys stayed rather still. Finally Keith spoke up. "Do you want to play some tag?"

"I don't feel like playing you guys."

"Me neither."

"Wanna just go outside?"

**Meanwhile Pony's Pov**

I hate it here. I want mommy and daddy and Darry and Soda. I want to go home. That man his very scary, very scary. He hits me and calls me bad stuff. He says mommy and daddy don't love me no more. I'm really scared of him. He's so big.

And the lady, she was weird. She said weird stuff and her moods or something changed fast. She'd be really, really nice one second and mean the ext. Or she'd be in her own world.

I just wanted to go home. They keep be in this tiny room. I don't have a bed or a blanket. The big man doesn't let me eat if he says I'm bad. He calls me bad if I don't call the lady mommy or him father. He gets really mad if I cry.

And they don't call me Pony neither. They call me Charles. That's a sissy name. I like my name. Daddy gave it to me special. But any time I say something about it the man gets mad. Sometimes I forget my last name. It makes me cry more and the man gets madder.

He's mad a lot.

I just won't to go home. I want go home. I want to go home. I started to cry again. I know it will only make things bad again but I can't help it. I just want to go home.


	10. Sorrow in the Night

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

**Three Years Later**

**Darrel/ Mr. Curtis's POV**

_The winds was blowing. I was out camping. It was late the stars we all out. My boys were chasing each other, all three of them. They were laughing and carrying on. Ponyboy squealed as he tried to out run Darry and Soda. "I'm going to get you!" Darry yelled happily holding out his fingers._

_"Daddy help!" Pony laughed. He hid behind my leg. I smiled. _

_"Okay buddy" I hoisted him up and into my arms. _

_"There now."_

_Ponyboy gave a contented sigh. "I love you daddy."_

_"I love you too buddy."_

_All of a sudden the wind picked up. It seemed to get darker.. And Ponyboy he was gone. My heart began to race. Lighting flashed and I heard a scream. "__**DADDY!"**__ I ran towards the voice._

_"Ponyboy. Pony where are you."_

_"Daddy!"_

I woke up in a cold sweat and immediately sat up. I breathed heavily and closed my eyes. I began to cry. Grown men don't cry. That's bull if I've ever heard it. It seems that I cry daily. And this dream.

Oh lordie. I heard his voice. I heard it so clearly. And I could hold him. My boy, my baby was here in my arms. But he wasn't. I shivered.

Maggie woke up. "Darrel, honey what is it?" I shut my eyes again. If this had been hard on me it was nothing short of overwhelming on Maggie.

"Nothing dear." I lied. "I'm just thirsty is all." I got up and headed for the kitchen but made a be-line for Ponyboy's room. I turned the doorknob and walked inside.

I flipped the light on. My shoulders shook. We had not changed a thing. His bed was still made, toys were where he had left him. His tiny cloths were still in the drawer. His crayons were in the corner with a drawing my son had started. I sighed.

Three years was a long time. I could not say if he was dead or alive. The not knowing somehow seemed worst then if I had known but the thought of my baby dead still left me uneasy. I sighed and walked out of the room and flipped off the light. There are some wounds even time can't heal.

**Meanwhile**

Charles sat in the closet, quiet as a mouth. He rocked himself shivering. It hurt so bad, everything. He was pretty sure father had sprained his wrist. And he was hungry. Three days was a long punishment.

He was cold too and he wanted his mama. But she was sick again. He hated when she was sick. Father was meaner when she was sick. Because when she was sick she did nothing but wander. It wasn't his fault, Charles knew but he'd agitated father. He tried to be good, he really did but it never really worked.

Sighing Charles cried himself to sleep.


	11. The New Kid

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

**September 1965**

**Sodapop's Pov**

I swear whoever invented math class was a master of torture. Listening to Miss. Bell go on and on about co signs and tangents makes my head spin. And her voice is like nails grading on a chalk board.

I looked around wishing Steve was with me. He's in the math above me though. I hate being dumb. I'm always in lower level classes and the teachers all treat me like I'm an idiot. It's bad enough being a greaser but when people also have you labeled 'stupid' well that's even worse.

I sighed tapping my pencil. There were a million and one places I would rather be. My leg started shaking. I looked at the clock. Drat, thirty more minutes left. Was this punishment for something I did? Ugh!

The door opened. An office lady walked in followed by a guy. Good lord, he was a nerd. His cloths were even dorkier then the socials. He wore what looked like a prep school uniform. His legs and arms were covered up and he even had a tie. His hair was cut short and he was carrying a ton of books.

He looked too young to be in this school. The kid couldn't have been more then twelve or thirteen. He was really skinny. He looked down as he followed the office secretary into the room.

"Good morning boys and girls. We have a new student today. Mr. Charles Davenport. Charles has skipped two grades and this is his first time in a public school setting. I am sure you will all do your best to make him feel welcome." Without she left. Charles leaned down and tightened up. He looked like he wanted to disappear.

Miss Bell yawned. "Charles you may sit next to Mr. Curtis over there." She pointed to me. 'And Mr. Curtis, I don't want any trouble."

Charles slunked over. He slouched into his seat without saying a word. I got a weird vibe from this kid that I couldn't shake off. He didn't look at me, just stared at the desk as Miss Bell went on teaching.

He stayed that way all through the class. When the bell rang he slowly walked to the door looking at a crumpled map. I could here the other guys laugh. Sighing I walked over.

"Hey kid you need help?" he jumped breathing heavily. He looked up slowly and handed me his schedule.

**Name: Charles Walter Davenport Age: 12 Birthday June 15 1953**

**Grade: 9 Student # X529867 **

**Course: Time: Room:**

**Geometry 09-1015 240B**

**Advanced English Literature Studies 1020- 1135 120 C**

**2D Composition and Painting Honors 1140 1320 A246**

**(Lunch 3) 1220- 150 Cafeteria **

**Boys Gym 1325-1440 Boys Gym**

**AP World History/ Cultural Studies 1445-1600 128B**

This kid really was a nerd. I looked at him. He was staring at his shoe. Glory and I thought Johnny was bad with people. "Kid?"

He looked up briefly. I felt kind of sorry for him. He looked so pitiful. "To get to your next class go straight then go to the hall on your left. I think its four doors down on the right."

He nodded and I handed him the schedule. I went to shake his hand and he flinched. I sighed. Something was up with him but I didn't know for sure what.

I tried to smile. "I'm Sodapop, Sodapop Curtis."

A slight smile lit his face as he tired not to laugh. I usually hate when people laugh at my name because I love it but I thought this kid could use a lighting up. He flushed broght red.

"sorry." He said softly and headed off. Poor kid..


	12. The New Kid Continued

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outdsiders**_

I didn't see the kid again until gym class. I had the same lunch but most greasers never go to the cafeteria to eat. I didn't actually expect to see him there even if we have the same period of gym. Usually they separate us by grades and he's two below me.

But there he was. It was kind of odd too because while all the rest of us, soc or greaser, were wearing shorts and t- shirts he was in full on sweats. His arms and legs were all covered up. His sweats were real nice too, the kind for a real gym or something, nothing you would want to muss up at school.

Once he let the teacher know he was there, Charles just kind of slunk into the crowd. We all played dodge ball, which with socs and greasers in a class gets pretty hard core, he sat on a bleacher reading. As usual, or as I assumed was, he was slumped over, making himself as unnoticeable as possible. I shook my head, weird kid.

"Hey Curtis!" **BWAM!** I got pegged in the side. The socs laughed.

Steve through me a ball and I was back in. Once I actually concentrated on the game I al and hollering. Most forgot about the new guy. I was having too much fun hooping and hollering.

And then the bell rang. Time to change out. We all usually stand by our lockers. A bunch of guys half naked, no big deal. Besides if you got a good build guys learn not to mess with you. I grinned. I'm pretty proud of my build. My brother Darry and I are both pretty buff, he's a regular muscle head, excepting of course he actually has a brain while I'm about as dumb as it gets

I was about finished getting dressed when I saw the kid go into a bathroom stall with his street cloths. Only girls ever change in the stalls. I cocked my head.

"Hey Sodapop." I jumped. Steve had surprised me. I turned around and grinned.

"Hey Stevie. What you trying to do give me a heart attack?"

He laughed. "You wish."

His nodded his head to the stalls. "That new kids kind of a freak aint he?"

I shrugged. "What a nerd, did you see him just sitting there reading?"

"I nodded. "Ya, he is kind of weird." I mused thinking about the kid. I almost felt sorry for him. I got this kind of vibe that something wasn't right at home.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

"Mom, I'm home." I hollered slipping off my shoes. If I could go barefoot all day then I would have it made. I walked over to the mantle and put my fingers to my lips and touched my baby brother's picture. "Hey Pony." I whispered.

I started doing that when I was about nine. I missed Pony so much that it helped to talk to the picture. I used to feel like it helped make me closer to him wherever he was. I sighed. I missed him so much even if now I barley remembered him.

Mom came out wiping her hands on her apron. She walked over to me. "Hello honey, how was your day?"

I kissed her cheek. "Not bad. Darry at work?" She nodded.

"Yes he and your father should be home soon." She sighed.

"Detective Jacobie is coming for dinner." She said softly. I raised an eyebrow, something I'd learned from Two-Bit.

"He have some news or anything?" She shook her head and sighed. With as long as Pony's been gone in view no news is good news."

"No your dad just wanted a poker game." I nodded. Boy was relived.

**Charles's POV**

Leroy picked me up from school in the Rolls Royce. "Get in." He said gruffly. I slid into the back seat. I bent my head down.

Leroy is a big guy and he kind of scares me. Okay he really, really scares me. Leroy began to drive off.

"Your father is home. He is not pleased with you."

I bit my lip. Oh glorie, when my father is mad at me things were not good.

I miss mama, oh glory, oh glory, he was mad.

**Short I know but I hope it was good.**


	13. Home Life

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_**. There is some sensitive materiel when dealing with Charles( Ponyboy) however it is hinted at rather than actually going into detail. Just a little warning is all.**

I clutched my arm and clenched my teeth. I tired not to cry. I'd been hurt worse. Father grabbed it from me and twisted it some more. I went down to the floor. I figured that was what he wanted. I was right. He let go and gave me a good kick.

Sometimes I feel like his own personal punching bag. I shook. He began to hell, ranting about uncooperative 'customers' and just about anything he was angry about. Belive me father is always angry.

It was a good five minutes before he finally let up. I moaned. Father laughed. "Didn't even holler. You're finally getting g some bullocks." He motioned for one of his 'associates' to come forward. I groaned inwardly and shook. It was Leroy.

"Let him go out for business with you for being such a good boy. Give him some of the junk. Show its good stuff. Then if one of the ladies wants him for the night…" he laughed. IO shivered. Father had used me in all of his business ventures except one and it was one I wanted the least part in. I'm just a kid.

He pulled me up and lifted my chin so my eyes met his. I looked down and recoiled. Father laughed again. "You know if you learn to behave yourself you might live to be a handsome man someday."

When I didn't answer he slapped me. "You stupid, stupid good for nothing… I gave you a complement." His grip on my shoulder grew tighter. "Now what to do you say."

I looked down and closed my eyes. "Thank you father." I said softly.

He smiled and loosened his grip. He patted me on the shoulder and messed up my hair. "That's my boy." He then gave me a hug. At least he was in a good mood now. But I was dreading going to work for him. I'm just a little kid, just a kid. I can't… I.. not yet. Not with a grown women. I tried not to cry. I was scared.

But I tried my best to stay calm. I knew my best then to take father out of a good mood.

**Meanwhile Soda's Pov**

Mom walked into the bedroom where Darry, Steve and I were playing our own of BS against Dallas, Johnny and Two-Bit. I wouldn't mind joining dad in his game of poker but Detective Jacobie is out there. I can't even look at him without thinking about poor little Pony.

"Hello boys. Are you behaving yourself."

"YES MOM." We all said innocently. She laughed and walked over to Dallas.

"Dallas dear, I don't mind if you smoke in the house but not on the bed dear." If anybody but my mom had said this to Dallas they would be toast. But Dallas, for whatever reason, likes my mother. He just nodded and put out the cigarette. "Thank you dear." She smiled.

Then mom walked over to Johnny. "Johnny did you have a good today." He nodded and smiled slyly. Mom can bring a smile to anybodies face. "Would you like to stay here tonight?"

"Thanks."

"Don't mention it." She walked out of the room. Mom is always scared that someone is going to take Johnny right of the street where he sleeps, like they took Pony. She was so paranoid for the first couple of years that Darry and were practically under lock and key.

"Two twos." Steve said.

"BS." I muttered.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

Oh lordie. Two-Bit looked at Steve who turned to Darry. They got these sneaky smiles on their faces. The game turned then from BS to a nice little game of tickle torture or as they like to call it tickle Soda until he bursts. Ahh, well.

**Just a little look at the difference between the boys' home life. Short but I hope you like it.**


	14. Milk Carton

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders. **_**I added some stuff to this chapter**

**Three Weeks Later Soda**

Charles was a weird kid, no doubt. Every time I saw him he was always alone. He avoided people like a plague and he never answered a question directly. And if he wasn't forced he never talked. He was always reading and drawing.

Still I couldn't help sorry for the kid. Some days he'd come in limping or sporting a busted up lip, maybe a black eye. His left arm was broken. None of the teacher's suspect abuse because he's rich. I know better. I've seen Johnny. I know the signs. It makes me sick. Sad for him too. Poor kid something has made him so scared of people.

Well anyways I got off subject. I do that all the time. I start yammering on and I don't even realize I've gotten off topic. Mom says its because of my energy. She says I was born with caffeine in my body instead of blood.

So any who Ms. Bell was handing out last weeks math tests. I knew I didn't do so hot. I really do try but somehow I can't help but fail. "Mr. Davenport, very nice work. I see a bright future for you. Perhaps Mr. Curtis may take a cue from your hard work." Then she lay my paper on my desk. I didn't even have to look. "Mr. Curtis I suggest you actually study next time. Laziness only breeds stupidity. Which you seem to have in great supply."

I sighed and kind of slunk down in my chair. She has a way of making a guy not feel so hot, if you know what I mean.

Charles glanced over. It was one of the few times he had interacted with me or anyone to my knowledge. He gave me sympathetic smile. I smiled back. It was the first time I'd ever seen the kid do anything but frown or cower.

* * * * * *

There was a ruckus in the hall around the corner. Steve nodded at me and I nodded at Two-Bit and Johnny. We were on the way to lunch when we had heard it. It sounded like a fight. Something about guys and fights. I can't really explain it except I like all the action that I can get.

What I saw kind of shocked me. Curly and a couple of his pals were working together with some pals. They were picking on some kid. Beating him up, throwing his books and tearing something up. The kid was not putting up a fight. He just took it.

It was Charles. I felt awful bad. I aint never seen a kid just crawl into a ball and let someone hit him. "Hey!" I called. I can't help it. Sometimes I meddle.

I ran over and pulled Curly off the kid. "Lay off Shepherd." Curly just frowned and walked away. He aint one for fighting a whole gang of guys.

Charles was shivering. I held out my hand to him. "Don't mind Curly. He aint a bad guy." Charles didn't look up. He started rocking. I nodded at Steve. "Hey Steve yawl grab his stuff and take it to the car. We'll meet you there."

He nodded and I leaned down to Charles's level. "Hey kid, you okay?" I was always good with scared animals and stuff so I use that technique with people.

Charles shivered and kept rocking. I put my hand on his shoulder and he recoiled. Some oine had hurt him real bad sometime, maybe more then once. "Hey man I aint going to hurt you. Me and the guys are going for some chow. You in?"

He shook his head. "Why not, you don't like food?" I joked.

He shook his head. "Father, he, he wouldn't like it." It was the first time he spoke a full sentence to me. I smiled.

'He won't find out. I promise." Charles just nodded. I helped him up. He looked down.

"Charlie, can I call you that?' he nodded. "Your dad. Does he beat you sometimes?"

"No." It was quick, too quick. It sounded rehearsed. I felt awful then.

'Okay man."

We started walking. Charlie walked hands in pocket, much slower then me.

* * * * * * * *

**Charles**

We were almost done eating. It was the first meal I'd had in two days. It felt good. "Hey Charlie hand me a milk will yah? I grabbed a milk from the freezer and handed it to Soda. Obedience is practically ingrained in my brain. I get a command I follow. It's like a reflex for me, like my fear of people. I don't trust easily. I don't disobey either.

I handed Sodapop the milk. He went to take a sip then dropped it. "You okay Soda?" The guy with the side burns asked. Soda shook his head.

"I can't have milk today. It's no good. I'm not hungry. I.. I got to get a smoke." He headed outside. I picked up the milk. There was no expiration date for today at least.

"What's wrong?" I asked. Surprised at my courage. Steve grabbed it from my hand. I jumped back and looked down. I did something wrong. I shouldn't have asked that. Oh boy I'm going to get it.

"Easy kid." Steve said inspecting it. He sighed. "Guys it's Pony." The quiet kid and Sideburns nodded and Sideburns whistled.

Steve frowned and turned to look at me. He handed me the carton. There was a picture of a little boy on the back. He looked familiar. Had I seen him before?

**Name: Ponyboy Michael Curtis Birthdate: 11/22/52 Date Missing: 8/23/ 57**

**Weight : 37 lbs Height: 3 ft 5 inch Hair: reddish brown Eyes: green**

**Call 257-245-6278 if any information**

Curtis, Curtis. My eyes got wide. "He's Sodapop's little brother. He went missing nine years ago. Their family is still messed up about it."

I stepped outside thinking about the boy. Poor little kid. At least he still had a family who loved him. He was probably dead but they were still looking. Father would probably be the reason I ever went missing. Sometimes I am sure he will kill me. Maybe he'll beat me up so much that I'll need to be in a institute, like mom. Man I miss her. And she didn't love me he don't love me, not really. But this kid is loved. Lucky kid.

Soda was smoking. He was crying. I did think tuff guys like him ever cried. I sat down not meeting his eyes. I don't know how to act around people. I never obtained that set of skills. I don't much like being around them anyway.

I let out a sigh. Soda looked up. "Sorry for being such a bawl baby. It just hurts sometimes."

I nodded. "You want a smoke?" I shook my head. Father has given me drugs all the time. I'm his favorite guinea pig to see if the stuff is good. I didn't want to touch cigarettes if I didn't have to.

"You know I barely even can remember him sometimes. And then something like this happens. I hate it. I miss him. Glory kid. You know he'd be a year older then you are?"

I hunched my shoulder. Too much of interaction and I get shyer. Weird.

"We better get you back to school.

**Charlie**

"Useless, pathetic…" Father had be by the crook of my shirt. "You know who just called." I shook my head shivering.

"The school. You got beat up today. And then you skipped class with some hoods. Can't even fight your own battles can you?" He punched me and laughed. The he shoved me the ground. He pinned me down.

I could feel his breath hot and dry on my cheeks. "You worthless, pathetic little worm. That's all you are you know? Your so worthless so pathetic."

He let me up. Then placed a arm around my shoulder. At least his bad mood had dissipated. His moods changed quicker than the tide. Father laughed and let go. He patted me on the back. 'Come on son. You can test out some new junk for me. That's all your good for anyways." I merely nodded. Father believes children should be seen and not heard.

**The Next day Soda**

Charlie wouldn't look me in the he'd crawled back into his shell. He was also sporting a new bruise on the cheek. Poor kid.

"Hey Charlie," I whispered, "You know I don't really understand this stuff." I indicated the math worksheet we'd been given. Charlie was already done and doodling.

Charlie hunched his shoulders. "I bet you'll get a hundred." I added. "Me I'm dumb."

Charlie looked up. "No," he paused. "No, you're not." I smiled.

"So you'll help me?"

He gave a small smile and nodded.

"Thanks man."

**Okay I changed Ponyboy's birthday in this to work with the story. Charlie has a forged birth certificate of course, listing him a year or so younger. I hope you liked this. Review please. ******


	15. Morbid Discovery

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

**December 12 1965**

**Steve**

We were all hanging around the little convince store we greasers like to frequent. Two-Bit was telling some half crazed story that I doubt even made since to him.

Soda lay back on the car. He let out a sigh. I took a bite of my chocolate bar. "Whadgft eag iew?"

'Huh?"

I swallowed. "I said what's eating you? It aint like you to be so quiet Soda."

He shook his head. "Yeha, come to think of it kid you're being awful still" Two-Bit added.

Soda sat up. "Just got something on my mind is all."

It was almost Christmas. I exchanged looks with Two-Bit and Johnny. Some Christmas's were really great at the Curtis's. But for what ever reason others were harder. It had been that way for eight or nine years now.

"It about Pony?" I rarely mentioned Soda's kid brother unless I had to.

"No. Just a little worried is all."

"Worried, what that you gonna get stampeded by a hoard of crazed soc girls trying to steal your cloths? Shoot kid I wish I had them kind of worries."

I rolled my eyes. I like it when Two-Bit tries to lighten the mood but there is a time and place for everything and sometimes he can be so stupid.

"No, Charlie aint been in school all week. He aint never missed a day, not even when he was all messed up."

Ugh, what was it with Soda and that kid? It was like he was obsessed with the dweeb. He's a freak. The kid makes Johnny look outgoing and social. And he's always reading these thick old books, what a nerd. What do I care about some kid who probably has more money then any three socs combined. It aint our problem if some annoying little brat can't fight his own battles.

The only reason I ever put up with him in gym is that he helps Soda in math sometimes. But the kid rarely even participates. I mean seriously what kind of guy does not play any kind o sports. But no he just sits in a corner and reads. If coach didn't make him sometimes he would never leave the bench.

Soda's fixation with him is kind of creepy.

"Probably went to some private school or something."

Soda shook his head. "Steve he's still on the roster."

"Probably has the flu or something."

"Never mind." He grumbled.

**Soda**

Something was up. I just knew it. I could feel it. I'd seen Charlie come to school so sick that he about keeled over. I was worried. He was my buddy, even if he didn't see it that way.

He would actually talk to me. Sometimes at least. He never said more than a word or two. It was a miracle when he would speak in short choppy sentences. If I got a whole one out of that kid I was doing good.

Something drew me to him and I felt the need to protect the kid. Besides he was a good guy. Thanks to him I was actually passing Geometry. And he was easy to talk to, even if I was the only one doing the talking. I decided to drop the subject. Maybe Steve was right. Maybe I was being just a bit obsessive. It was probably nothing. But still…….

**Meanwhile in the Curtis House**

**Mrs. Curtis/ Margaret aka Maggie**

I flipped through the channels. There was really nothing on except I Love Lucy. The house was clean and I hadn't started dinner yet. It was so quiet without the boys here. Darry was at work with his father and Soda and the rest were at school.

I sighed and walked over to the piano. I smiled at the picture of Ponyboy. "Hey honey. You want me to play you a song?" Soda was the one who got us all started doing that. Somehow it was therapeutic.

I never stopped missing my son, in fact some days I didn't want to get out of bed. Not knowing whether he was dead or alive, or if he had been in pain downright killed me. But life has got to go on whether I like it or not.

I sighed. "How about Moonlight Sonata? I starched my hands and began to play. Music was and always has been my release. I let my hands glide across the keys. My spirit was lifted. I could almost loose myself in the music as I shifted gears into an old Irish folk song.

As I was half way through my second number the phone rang. I stood up and smoothed my skirt. Then I walked over and picked up the receiver.

"Hello, Curtis residence, Margaret speaking."

"Hello Margaret, this is Detective Jacobie."

I slumped onto the sofa. My heart raced. "Hello Detective." I gulped. "How may I help you?"

"Maggie we found him."

I sucked in my breath. My baby? They had found him. What if… I didn't want to think of him. I mean he couldn't be, but…..

"Maggie are you there."

I picked up the reciver. "I'm here. Did you say that you found him?"

"Yes Maggie. We found Ponyboy………………………………..

**I know I'm terrible for leaving a cliffy like this. But I thought it would be more fun that way.**


	16. He's Alive!

**First of all thank you to all my reviewers. Your support means the world to me and keeps my stories going strong. There is still along way to go so lets get started. Disclaimer I do not own **_**The Outsiders.**_

_As I was half way through my second number the phone rang. I stood up and smoothed my skirt. Then I walked over and picked up the receiver._

"_Hello, Curtis residence, Margaret speaking."_

"_Hello Margaret, this is Detective Jacobie."_

_I slumped onto the sofa. My heart raced. "Hello Detective." I gulped. "How may I help you?"_

"_Maggie we found him."_

_I sucked in my breath. My baby? They had found him. What if… I didn't want to think of him. I mean he couldn't be, but….._

"_Maggie are you there."_

_I picked up the receiver. "I'm here. Did you say that you found him?"_

"_Yes Maggie. We found Ponyboy……………………………….._

My baby. Oh my baby. I closed my eyes and slid onto the sofa. It was as if my feet had fallen out from underneath me. Pictures ran past my head. I had never been the one to identify remains they had found but Darrel had often called out in his sleep about it. And I had herd stories. Oh my baby. But what if…..

"Are you still there?"

"Yes." I was crying by now. We'd never lost hope of course, but I knew I needed to be realistic. "Are you sure?" I was shaking like a leaf.

"Positive. We ran his fingerprints." The Detective paused. "Margaret it's okay. He's alive Margaret. He's alive."

I sucked in my breath. He was alive. My baby, my little boy. He was okay. He here, he wasn't dead. And I had almost written him off and… Oh gosh. My baby. Thank God. Thank God. Thank you God.

"I need you to call Darrel and you two need to come down to the hospital. Do you think you can do that?"

I sucked in my breath. "Yes oh."

"Its going to be okay Margaret. We have him. He's safe now."

"I, which hospital?"

"St Mercy. I k now you hate that one."

"You," I sobbed. "You just make sure this time. Don't let him.."

'We have doctors and nurse's with him round the clock. Nobody unauthorized comes in."

"Thank you, oh thank you."

"I'll see you soon." He hung up. I just sat there a minute processing. It had been Eight years, eight years four months and five days since I had been able to hold my little boy. It had been that long since I had seen him just grin his little head off, laugh out loud. I closed my eyes wondering what he looked like now. I wondered what he had been through. And then I dialed the number to the for Darrel's work.

At this time of the year he worked at a warehouse factory. I dialed the extension to his floor and waited. "Yes hello how may I help you."

I was still crying. "Yes this is.. This is Darrel Curtis's wife. I.." My shoulders shook like leafs in the wind. "I need to talk to him. It's a family emergency."

'I'll see what I can do."

**Darrell's POV**

I lifted a heavy box and put it on the conveyer belt. "**Darrel Curtis to the main office. Darrel Curtis to the main office immediately."** My heart lurched. I prayed I wouldn't get fired. We needed the money.

I got out of my jumpsuit and headed to the office. I was sweating something fierce and it wasn't just because the building was hot.

My bosses secretary was waiting on me. "Your wife is on the line Mr. Curtis. She says it's a family emergency."

My heart raced now and I felt scared. Was she hurt, one of the boys. I could not lose another son. I could not handle that.

I picked up the receiver. "Maggie?" I could hear muffled sobs on the other line. No, No.. Please….

"Maggie, honey are you okay? What's wrong?"

"Darrel…"

"Come on honey. Maggie what is it?"

"They found him. They found him."

I gasped. My boy, my little boy. Flashbacks ran through my mind. Gruesome pictures, gruesome evidence. "Are they sure?"

I could almost see her nodding. "Yes. Oh Darrel. He, he's alive.."

I almost dropped the receiver. My boy, he was, he was… I couldn't even put the words together in my mind. As much as I wanted to I just couldn't. "And their, their possitve."

Maggie chocked back a sob. Oh my beautiful wife. I had seen her cry to much over our lost little boy, but he wasn't anymore. "Yes."

"I'll be right there."

**Mrs. Curtis/ Margaret aka Maggie**

Waiting for Darrel was like sitting on pins and needles. My mind raced and time could not move fast enough. My baby was coming home. He was alive, he was safe.

I walked over to the picture on my piano and caressed it. I was going to see him. As soon as Darrel was here I would be seeing him. I could hold him in my arms. I don't think I'm going to be able to let go. Oh my baby..

But he wasn't a baby anymore. I looked at the photo. A smiling happy little gap toothed boy met my gazed. I wondered for a moment. What did he look like know, what does he look like? Did her have all his teeth? Was his hair still red or had it darkened? The freckles, surely they were gone. Did he look more like Sodapop or Darry?

So many questions. Darrel came running through the door. I ran to meet him. He pulled me up in his arms and I buried my head in his shoulder. I cried. He rubbed my back and shoulders. "Lets go get our boy back."

I let out a contend sigh and removed myself from him. I nodded. "Lets go get him." Darrel grinned. He reminded me so much of Soda then. They had the same smile. I wondered if Ponyboy had the same little grin. My Ponyoby, hmm. I sighed.

"You ready honey?"

"Very."

**Tulsa Memorial Hospital Narrator's POV**

Darrel and his wife rushed into the hospital lobby. Detective Jacobie was there to meet him. "Our son." Darrel asked, "We want to see our son."

He nodded. "There is a private room waiting. The doctor and I want to talk to you."

"Can we see Ponyboy first."

"I think it would be best if we talked first."

Darrel sighed and held his wife to him. "Okay."

The detective led the two to a private conference room.

A doctor was waiting on them. "Hello Mr. and Mrs. Curtis. I know your anxious to see your son but please have a seat. There are some things we need to discuss first."

Darrel nodded at his wife and took a seat. "Ponyboy was admitted two days ago under the name Charles Walter Davenport. The police received an anonymous call about a domestic dispute. Ponyboy was found beaten and shot.." he paused. Darrel and his wife exchanged glances.

"Is he okay is…."

"He is in serious but stable condition. But for now there are other things to discuss. We found evidence of bones that have broken and healed badly over and over again, several scars, burns and abrasions. There is evidence of track marks in many of these areas indicating forced drug use. As well as…."

The doctor frowned. "We think some force, we think that is to say he was abused in sexual manor. From talking to others we believe it had been happening a few months. He was forced to work."

Margaret held onto Darrel, crying as he muttered cusses.

"I have to warn you. We've had psychologists evaluate. He has no memories to his prior life. He only can remember his life as Charles. There are other damages as well. He is severely untrusting and well. He is shy to the point of complete social ineptness. Imagine if you will a pup kicked too much. He is completely and total afraid of people. He is obedient to a fault, recoils to touch. He does not meet the eyes of anyone and well. Its quiet sad."

"My baby." Darrel kissed his wife. "Its okay honey. Its okay. No one can hurt him again. We can help him."

'You can try but it won't be easy."

"I never said it would be. Now can I see my son."

'Yes but I must warn you about his injuries, his current ones."

"Alright."

"He was shot three times. Twice in the abdomen and once in the side. We preformed surgery, removing the bullets, his spleen and part of his abdomen. He has an arm broken in three places, and a sprained ankle.

As well has two broken ribs and a black eye along with other lacerations. He was awake and alert. Last night infection set in. We have him on antibiotics to which he is responding well. I have sediated him for the pain so he will not be awake when you first enter."

"Oh loride."

"I know this is a shock but we do expect him to make a full physical recovery."

"Can we see him now?" Margaret asked.

"Detective Jacobie will take you to his room."

"Thank you."


	17. Poor Baby

**I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_**. Sorry for such a crappy chapter.**

"_My baby." Darrel kissed his wife. "Its okay honey. Its okay. No one can hurt him again. We can help him."_

'_You can try but it won't be easy."_

"_I never said it would be. Now can I see my son."_

'_Yes but I must warn you about his injuries, his current ones."_

"_Alright."_

"_He was shot four times. Once in the chest. Twice in the abdomen and once in the side. We preformed surgery, removing the bullets, his spleen and part of his abdomen. He has an arm broken in three places, and a sprained ankle. _

_As well has two broken ribs and a black eye along with other lacerations. He was awake and alert. Last night infection set in. We have him on antibiotics to which he is responding well. I have sediated him for the pain so he will not be awake when you first enter."_

"_Oh loride."_

"_I know this is a shock but we do expect him to make a full physical recovery."_

"_Can we see him now?" Margaret asked._

"_Detective Jacobie will take you to his room."_

"_Thank you."_

"One more thing."

"Yes?"

"When he starts to stir, try not to startle him. We only discovered a few hours ago who he is. He knows now he's a missing child but, well."

"We understand."

'Very well. Are you ready?"

"Yes." Darrel drew his wife to him and they began to follow the Detective to an elevator. From their they went to the pediatrics ward. A group of police were waiting for them.

Detective Jacobie flashed his badge. "These are the boy's parents."

The cops each gave a rueful smile. A couple took their hats off. Darrel gave a cough. 'Oh yes. Okay here we go." Detective Jacobie opened a door.

"Are you two sure you can handle this?"

Darrel squeezed his wife's shoulder. "Ready Maggie?"

"Yes."

They entered the room.

**BEEP, BEEP, HUM**

**BEEP, BEEP, HUM**

The boy was hooked to oxegn and numerous Ivs. He was heavily bandaged and bruised. His arm was in a cast and propped up on a pillow.

Even sedated he looked in pain and he was so thin.

Margaret gasped almost fell over. "My baby." Tears stung her cheeks. Darrel bit his lip. He would not cry in front of his wife. She needed him to be strong, for herself and for Ponyboy.

A doctor was Ponyboy. He stood up from his chair when he saw the Curtis's.

"You must be the Curtis boys parents."

"yes."

**Darrel's Pov**

"Can we touch him?"

"Of course. I'll leave you three alone." He nodded at Jacobie and they left the room. I stiffened my grip on Maggie. This was a hard sight to bare. She could barley stay on her feet.

"Come on honey." We walked over. He was so big, Pony was so big. I mean he was small, so small but he was, he was big. My little boy wasn't a little boy anymore. He had grown up and we had missed it.

Maggie let go off me and sat on the edge of the hospital bed. She stroked Ponyboy's cheek and kissed his forhead. She ruffled his hair. "My baby. Oh my poor baby, my poor, poor, baby." She was crying. I walked up and sat down beside her.

I love my wife. I can't stand to see her cry."

**Maggie's Pov**

Darrel kissed my cheek and looked down at Ponyboy. He grabbed his hand and gave a light squeeze. "He looks kind of like Soda. See they have the same nose"

I shook slightly. "He's thinner but they have the same face almost." I nodded meekly. I could not get over it. He was so big, he was so hurt. I felt so angry. I was angry about all I had missed, all that was done to him. How could anyone do this to a child, my child?

I kissed Ponyboy again. I needed to touch him as much as possible. I needed for him to feel real, for him to be real. I couldn't stand it if this was just another dream. I had my baby back. He was hurt, he was damaged but he was my baby.

"Hey little buddy." Darrel said stroking Ponyboy's cheek. "You you remember your song?" Ponyboy did not stir, still so heavily sedated. I held my breath. Darrel had not sang Ponyboy's song in over eight years.

Darrel let out a sigh. 'I. I used to sing it to you every night. Close your Eyes and I'll show you how to fly Catch a cloud and take it for a ride In you dreams you can be anyone you ever wanna be Close your eyes, Dream with me

In you dreams you can be anyone you ever wanna be Close your eyes, Dream with me You can be an actor or be invisible Be a star in the hall of fame Build a house up in the trees Be a whale Swim in the sea Be a dog Chase a cat No-one will say ya can't do that In your dreams you can be anyone be you ever wanna be Close your eyes and dream with me Close your eyes, and dream with me"

I let out a sob. That song, oh eight years is too long. Ponyboy did not sir save for a small moan. He was in pain. I couldn't stand that he was in pain. None of my boys should be in pain.

**Okay another chapter. Wow at the reviews. I was overwhelmed. I just had to hash out another chapter, dedicated to my loyal reviewers/ **

**Oh and recognize the song? Its from So Weird, orginaly song by Patrick Levy. Check it out online. I love it. TTFN. Can't wait for my next chapter. **


	18. Family

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

**This is not my final chapter. But it is dedicated to my loyal reiwers. God bless you. You keep my story going.**

"_Hey little buddy." Darrel said stroking Ponyboy's cheek. "You you remember your song?" Ponyboy did not stir, still so heavily sedated. I held my breath. Darrel had not sang Ponyboy's song in over eight years._

_Darrel let out a sigh. 'I. I used to sing it to you every night. __Close your Eyes and I'll show you how to fly Catch a cloud and take it for a ride In you dreams you can be anyone you ever wanna be Close your eyes, Dream with me_

_In you dreams you can be anyone you ever wanna be Close your eyes, Dream with me You can be an actor or be invisible Be a star in the hall of fame Build a house up in the trees Be a whale Swim in the sea Be a dog Chase a cat No-one will say ya can't do that In your dreams you can be anyone be you ever wanna be Close your eyes and dream with me Close your eyes, and dream with me"_

_I let out a sob. That song, oh eight years is too long. Ponyboy did not sir save for a small moan. He was in pain. I couldn't stand that he was in pain. None of my boys should be in pain._

**Margaret's Pov**

I pushed Ponyboy's hair back. My baby, oh my baby. A nurse walked in. "I'm nurse Walker. We're ready to tamper off Ponyboy's sedation now. He'll wake up gradually over the next hour. Be careful not to startle him too much."

I nodded kissing my sons hand, holding it in mine. Tears fell on to the blanket. Darrel rubbed my shoulders. "It's going to be okay Maggie."

The nurse was about to leave the room. She turned around. "Please don't be to upset if he is afraid of you at first. Your son is suffering from amnesia amongst other physcological damage. The best thing you can do for him is to stay calm."

'Thank you." I did not want to think of Ponyboy that way. I know he doesn't know me, that he's hurt. But right now I just wanted to drink it all up. My baby is back, he's here. I don't, can't think of it wither way.

Darrel kissed my hair. "We'll face that when it comes." He whispered softly. Darrel always knew what to say.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Ponyboy's hand twitched. I looked up and rubbed his arm. "He's waken up Darrel."

My husband swept back Pony's hair. "Should we call the boys yet?"

My mind raced. I looked at my son. His good hand flinched. Then I looked at Darrel. I shook my head. "Let him wake up first. We…" I could stand the thought that my son might actually be afraid of us. "We don't want to overwhelm him."

Darrel nodded. He tried to smile. "Darry can be kind of intimidating."

"And Soda's just as scary as he can be."

He laughed. "Hey look." Ponyboy's eyes were starting to flutter.

"Honey, call the doctor."

'Of course dear." He nodded blowing me a kiss.

I grasped Ponyboy's hand. "Come on honey. Let me see your pretty eyes."

He let out a pained moan and his face contorted, eyes still closed. "I know, I know. Its okay. Its okay."

Darrel walked in with the doctor. "This is Doctor Hines. He's Pony's doctor while he's here. Remember?"

I nodded. "he's starting to wake up." I said.

"Good."

Doctor Hines picked up Ponyboy's hand, checking his pulse. He shined a light. Pony opened his eyes. Oh they were so green. And yet, almost grey. I smiled. He panicked.

He moaned and tried to make himself seem smaller. He let out a cry.

"Its okay son. Do you remember me?" Dr Hines asked. Ponyboy nodded meakily.

**Charles/Ponyboy**

My heart raced. I panicked. "Easy. We found your family. Remember us talking about that." I had thought he had been lying. Father he.. I shuddered.

"_Useless, worthless piece of trash. I. You pathetic, little snot." Father took my arm and twisted it behind my back and up. I lowered to the ground. He had a gun. He had a gun._

"_Want to know secret kid?" He spat in my ear. "I aint your daddy. You worthless, hopeless, piece of crap," He laughed. _

_NO NO NO!_

"_Your mama, she stole you. Crazy little slut. She stole you. Course I doubt you could pay your real family to keep you. Who could love you?" he laughed. _

_NO, NO, N! He Bent my afrm more and kicked me in the side. He held the gun to me and…._

I screamed. It hurt to scream. I moaned. "Oh honey..." the woman sighed

I looked down. '"Its okay young man. These are you parents, your real parents. They won't hurt you."

I whimpered. I didn't want to look up. Of course they didn't want me. They could never. Its too good. No I can't.

"Please son."

I looked up. He indicated the women and man. They were hugging eachother.

"This is Darrel and Margaret Curtis. They've been looking for you since you were just four years old."

I turned away. Strangers, Strangers. No, no more people, no more lies. Oh no please.

Wait Curtis..

"_Easy kid." Steve said inspecting it. He sighed. "Guys it's Pony." The quiet kid and Sideburns nodded and Sideburns whistled._

_Steve frowned and turned to look at me. He handed me the carton. There was a picture of a little boy on the back. He looked familiar. Had I seen him before?_

_**Name: Ponyboy Michael Curtis Birthdate: 11/22/52 Date Missing: 8/23/ 57**_

_**Weight : 37 lbs Height: 3 ft 5 inch Hair: reddish brown Eyes: green**_

_**Call 257-245-6278 if any information**_

_Curtis, Curtis. My eyes got wide. "He's Sodapop's little brother. He went missing nine years ago. Their family is still messed up about it."_

It couldn't be. No nothing like this could happen to me. I don't derve this. No, it just, its impossible. Isn't it?


	19. Reunion Part One

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

This could not be real. This was just sick joke father cooked up. It had to be. They couldn't be, I couldn't be. They didn't want me. They didn't want me. He couldn't be, I couldn't be. No this is crazy. I mean come on.

She was looking at me like she wanted to hug me. No she can't want to do that. Nobody, not since ma.. But is she ma. I was so confused. I grabbed my head. Ugh it hurt to move., It hurt so bad. Everything just hurt.

"Do you want to know your name, your real name?" the doctor asked. I didn't look up. Just go away. If they can't see me they'll go away.

I'm Charles, just Charles. Sometimes Soda calls me Charlie but I'm Charles. I can't be anything else. This a joke, a dream. No, NO, NO.

"Honey…" Oh please don't call me that. No, Not again. I don't want to, no, no…

The man reached out to touch me and I flinched. I looked away. "Come on buddy, nobody is going to hurt you. We love you. Its going to be okay."

It couldn't be okay. Nothing is ever okay.

**Margaret's Pov**

I looked at Darrel. He frowned. I sat on the edge of the bed. "Don't be afraid sweety." I touched his cheek. My baby, he stiffened. I let go. Oh my poor baby, what had been done to him? He was never ever afraid of me before. Was this what life was going to be like now?

It felt like losing him twice. Oh my poor, poor baby. I wanted to get my hands on whoever did this to him. How could anyone do this to a child, my child?

Darrel looked at the doctor. He sighed. "Young man. These are your parents. They've missed you for a very long time. They just want to help you."

Ponyboy didn't look up but he was crying. I wanted to hold him so badly that it hurt, but I did not know how he would react to it.

"Honey.." I didn't know what to say.

Darrel sat beside me. He cupped Ponyboy's chin in his hand and Ponyboy shut his eyes tightly. "Kiddo, look at for me a second." Pony's eyes shot open. He looked, afraid.

Darrel smiled sadly. "You have a very good name. its one of a kind. I named you myself. You know why?" Darrel paused. "You have a very good name. its one of a kind. I named you myself. You know why?" Darrel paused. " When you were born, you were ver small. The doctors were not sure if you could make it. Failure to thrive." He rolled his eyes.

"Oh but you were a fighter, very strong willed. So I named you Ponyboy because you were so small but so strong, like a Shetland." Ponyboy cried and turned away.

Darrel looked so hurt. He let out a sigh. "You have a brother named Sodapop. Another named Darrel but we call him Darry. Strange names kind of run in this family."

Ponyboy gave a shudder and started hyperventilating."

"What's happening?" I asked.

"He's a little overwhelmed."

"Easy son. Take a deep breath."

Ponyboy breathed in deeply. The doctor gave him a shot, a sedative a think. "He'll probably sleep again."

I nodded. He left the room. Darrel brought me in for a kiss. I brushed back Ponyboy's hair. He stiffened again. "Just get you some sleep honey." I said softly as gentle as possible.

He yawned. I let out a sigh. "Maybe this will hel[p." And I began to sing the last song I ever sang to my son.

"Sleep my child and peace attend thee, All through the night. Guardian angels God will send thee, all through the night. Soft the drowsy hours are creeping, hill and vale in slumber sleeping I my loving vigil keeping all through the night While the moon her watch is keeping All through the night While the weary world is sleeping all through the night O'er thy spirit gently stealing Visions of delight revealing Breaths a pure and holy feeling All through the night Sleep my child and peace attend thee All through the night All through the night"

Ponyboy was back into a fitful sleep. My poor baby. I've said it a thousand times but it still rang true.

"maybe OI should call the boys. They will want to see him."

"Be back soon."

"I'll try."

**Soda's Pov**

It was a regular Friday at our house. The gang had the music blaring and we were all playing cards. Mom and Dad weren't home so Darry had started dinner.

on

I leaned back in my chair. I still couldn't get Charlie out of my head and it was buging me something awful. What was it about that kid? I leaned upward. My leg shook up and down and I tapped my fingers on the table

"Woolly, Bully, Woolly Bully…"

"Shut it Two-Bit."

He's not all that bad of a singer, actually. I wonder if Charlie, ugh Charlie. What is up with you kid.

"Like you could do better?"

"Hattie told Mali, lets no take no chance. Let that be a summer. Come on and learned to dance."

The phone rang. Darry went to answer it.

"Wooly Bully. Wooly Bully."

Darry cupped the receiver with his hand.

"Will you two please shut your traps?"

The shut it. I saw Dally smirked. I heard him mutter a thank God.

I sighed. Thoughts still weighed heavily on my mind.

"You sure?"

"Really?"

"Of course. Oh man. Yeha Dad."

"Yeha. We'll be right there."

My attention was caught then as Darry walked over. He was pale and shaking.

"Darry?" I asked. Not mom and dad. Wait no. Whats going on.

"Guys?"

Two-Bit made to turn off the radio.

"Darry is everything okay."

He nodded and sat down. "They, they found him."

Pony. Oh no, glory, Pony. No, No, No

Dallas swore and Steve gave me a grimace.

"He's alive."

Man, oh ,Man. Charlie was pushed from my mind as I tried to grasp what Darry had said. Pony was alive. He was actually alive.

"Soda and I need to go to the hospital."

Ponyboy, my baby brother. He was alive. Glory, oh man, Glory!

**Wow, what a hard chapter to write.**


	20. Oh Glory

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

"_Darry is everything okay."_

_He nodded and sat down. "They, they found him."_

_Pony. Oh no, glory, Pony. No, No, No_

_Dallas swore and Steve gave me a grimace. _

"_He's alive."_

_Man, oh ,Man. Charlie was pushed from my mind as I tried to grasp what Darry had said. Pony was alive. He was actually alive._

"_Soda and I need to go to the hospital."_

_Ponyboy, my baby brother. He was alive. Glory, oh man, Glory!_

---------------------------------------------

Thoughts raced through my head. Ponyboy, alive? It had been eight years or so. I looked at the picture and I wondered what he looked like now. Did he still have red hair, or was it more brown. Were his eyes still green?

What was he like? Did he still love to read books? I can dimly remember that he always had a picture book with him. He had just started reading chapter books when he was taken from us.

"Guys you might better leave. I don't know if Pony's coming home tonight or how long we'll be at the hospital."

"Okay Curtis. Come on guys."

"See ya."

"Glad he's home, wait till I tell ma."

Steve patted my shoulder as he followed the guys out the door. "You okay?"

I nodded. "Glad he's back buddy." And Steve left.

Then my mind registered something. Ponyboy was in the hospital. Oh man what if he was hurt, sick? My stomach clinched and all thoughts of Charles cleared from my mind.

**Darry**

I could barley concentrate on the road ahead of me. All I could think of was my baby brother. I've always felt so guilty that I was home sick that day. I felt so responsible for his kidnapping. If mom had not been home with me she would have been with him. He would have come home eight years ago instead of today.

I never even dared to hope I could see him again. And now he was in the hospital again. I felt so, so I couldn't place my head around of. Memories of the last time I had seen him filled my head.

_I looked over. "Hey Pony," I said hoarsely, "Try getting some sleep. I bet if you're really good mom will sing you a song."_

"_Pwease mommy?"_

"_We're in a hospital."_

"_Pwease."_

"_Alright. Do you want me to sing All Through the Night?"_

"_MMM."_

"_Okay then. I can't say no to those faces can I?"_

_I smiled. Even though I'm to old for it I love mom's singing. It doesn't just calm Ponyboy, it helps me to._

_Mom began to sing in a soft low voice. Every pitch, every note was perfect. "__Sleep my child and peace attend thee,__ All through the night. __Guardian angels God will send thee, all through the night. Soft the drowsy hours are creeping, hill and vale in slumber sleeping I my loving vigil keeping all through the night While the moon her watch is keeping All through the night While the weary world is sleeping all through the night O'er thy spirit gently stealing Visions of delight revealing Breaths a pure and holy feeling All through the night Sleep my child and peace attend thee All through the night All through the night"_

_I yawned and looked over at Ponyboy. He was fast asleep. "You should gets some rest too."_

_I coughed. "I'm good." Mom shook her head and sighed. It would be a while yet._

_* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *_

_A few hours had past. A nurse came out all in white. Her sneakers clicked oddly as she walked.__ "Curtis Darrel and …," the nurse was confused by my brother's name. Lets just say most people don't share my father's unique sense of creativity. , "Ponyboy?"_

_Mom and I stood up and walked with the nurse. Ponyboy was so tired from being sick that he wasn't woken up by any of this movement. He just slept soundly against mom's shoulder. I envied him. My throat was killing me and I just wanted to crawl under the covers and fall asleep._

_We walked into a small cubical office and I hoped on the paper sheet covered bed thing. Mom shook Ponyboy gently awake. He groaned and started crying. His throat must have hurt something awful because he stopped screaming in a matter of seconds and tightened his grip on mom, tears still falling rapidly but silent tears._

_She kissed his forehead. "Ssshh, ssshh I know baby. I know. It hurts. It will hurt less if you calm down. Why don't you sit with Darry? I'll bet he don't mind sharing that bed of his."_

_My throat itched and I sneezed. "Yeha Ponyboy. My butt's not so big that you can't fit."_

"_Darrel Shayne…."_

"_Sorry ma."_

_She laughed and shook her head, handing Ponyboy to me. He laid his head against my chest. I could feel him breathing raggedly, poor kid._

_A doctor walked in a few minutes later with a clip board. "Hello boys I'm Doctor Forbes. You must be Darrel and Ponyboy. "Ponyboy lifted his head up for a moment from my shirt but quickly buried it back in there. He's awful shy._

"_What seems to be the problem?"_

"_They both are coughing and have sore throats. Ponyboy also has ragged breathing and a fever of 103.5. Darrell's is 101.5."_

"_Okay then lets have a look at Ponyboy first, Is he the youngest?" Mom nodded. "Can I have a look at you Ponyboy?" Ponyboy grasped onto my shirt._

"_Come on buddy. The sooner you let him look let him you the sooner you'll get better."_

_Ponyboy nodded and turned around. The first thing the doctor did was look at his throat._

"Darry we're here."

"Oh."

"You ready?"

I sighed and tried to smile at Soda. "As ready as I'll ever be."

**Soda**

Dad was waiting for us in the hospital lobby. We ran to meet him. "How is he. I mean what does he look like. Is he okay?"

"Yeha dad please. Is he, does he know yawl. Is he talking? Who took him?'

Dad gave a sad smile and put a hand on each of our shoulders. "Easy boys."

"Well?" I asked.

Dad sighed. "Lets have a little talk boys."

"Okay."

"Ponyboy is going to live but he was hurt pretty badly. He was shot three times. His spleen and part of his intestines were taken out. He has an arm broken in three places, and a sprained ankle.

And he has two broken ribs and a black eye along with other cuts and bruises."

Dad looked like he might cry. "He does not recognize us at all. He's, he doesn't trust anyone and he won't talk. He flinches and curls himself into a ball. He won't make eye contact with anyone."

Just like Charlie, oh lordie. Not him again. I couldn't help but think about him too. I wouldn't wish that life on my worst enemy but my little brother. The thought made me sick.

**WOW DOUBLE DIGETS! I hope you enjoyed it.**


	21. Insanity

**A little present for my readers. Oh and I do not own **_**The Outsiders.**_

Dad put a hand on my shoulder and patted Darry's. "Come on boys. We better go on up there."

I nodded. "Okay." Man did I feel nauseous.

"Should we go in one at a time?" Darry asked as we stepped into the elevator.

"No, I don't think so. He's going to be scared anyways. Best not have him nervous too. He was sedated but he should be waking up about now."

_**DING!**_

"Here we are."

I let out a sigh. Dad stepped out first and nodded his head to a door on the left and walked in.

I exchanged glances with Darry. He nodded. "Come on little buddy."

I nodded and we headed in. Mom was sitting on the bed and dad was blocking my view. He turned around and mom gave a sad sort of smile. She had been crying. 'Here he is." She said sadly.

Darry stayed behind but I walked forward and peered over. I nearly fell backwards. I knew that kid and it wasn't because he was my brother.

How could it be? I mean this is just to weird. No way. No way. I stepped back shaking my head."

Darry grabbed hold of me. "Easy little buddy."

I gulped. "I know him."

Mom looked at me. "Soda?"

I was shaking. It was Charlie. How could it be Charlie. Oh no, if it was Charlie. I felt tears trickle doswn my cheeks as I recalled all the times I'd seen Charlie come to school beat up, every time I'd seen him recoil.

All this time he was my brother. I had my brother with me for like three or four months and I never had a clue. I could have prevented this. I should have brought him to the house no matter how much he declined. I should have told the cops, a teacher, somebody. This was partly my fault.

"What do you mean?"

I bit my lip. "He, he tranfered in. We had some classes together. I never had any idea. I mean if I did… He's been my friend ma. I.. I"

Mom kissed Charlie's, no Pony's forhead and walked over to me. She held me tightly. "It's okay Soda, it's okay."

"ummmm……"

"He's waking up." Dad said.

"Soda get over here. Maybe he'll actually talk for you." I nodded. The rest of the family went to a corner.

I leaned over the bed. Oh my poor brother. "Pony.. Pony wake up." Of course he isn't used to that name. "Charlie," I whispered. "Charlie buddy its me Soda Curtis."

His eye lids opened and he looked at me with startled eyes and quickly looked away. "He buddy, you had be worried."

Charlie moved his shoulder slightly. "Buddy? Look at me."

Charlie looked at me then. I tried to smile. "Small world isn't it?"

**Pony**

This is not real. This is not real. There is no way this is real. Soda Curtis is not here, he is not my brother. I am not Ponyboy Curtis, I do not have two parents. Father is going to come get me. He's going to tell them this is a mistake.

Maybe I'm just going crazy like ma. Yeha that's it. This is a hallucination. I'm going mad. I'll wake up and I'll be in the mad house. Maybe they'll put me in a room with ma. No father will probably just lock me in the cellar and keep me drugged up. And he'll hit me sometimes.

Maybe if I wake up soon enough he won't find out because this can't be real. There is no way this is real.

"Pony?" I'm not Ponyboy Curtis. He's dead. He has to be, eight years. Who looks for someone that long? Nobody loves me that much. Just go away. Just go away.

"Please buddy, look at me." I looked up. I most have a pretty wild imagination because he sure looked like the real thing, maybe I am just that insane.

"I'm glad you're here. I get my little brother and a friend all in one." This is not real. This is not real. This is not real.

This a dream. Its just a dream.

"Son?" It was that man, the guy that's even bigger then father. I bet he hits like him too. Maybe it is father and I'm just seeing somebody else.

"These are your brothers, Darry and Soda." Oh man was the other one big. Is he one of father's henchmen? Why would he be in my hallucination. Oh Man don't hurt me, don't hurt me. Don't hurt me. I looked away.

If I don't let him see me he'll go away. If I don't let him see me he'll go away.

If I don't let him see me he'll go away.

Oh man, please just go away.


	22. Brothers and Strangers

**Sorry for the short chapter. Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

"Pony, buddy?"

He turned away again. Soda let out a sight and walked over to us. He hugged mom. "I tried." He said gloomily. She kissed his forehead.

"You tired honey."

I walked over to the bed side. Be gentle. Be gentle. Be gentle. Ponyboy's eyes grew wide when he saw me and he tried to make himself seem smaller. He yelped in pain. He should really stay still.

"Easy kid. Just calm down."

Gentle. Gentle. I placed a hand on my brother's shoulder. I remember when we had him, when he was really little. He used to like it when I would give him a hug or any jester to let him know I was here.

He flinched. "I've missed you kiddo." He wouldn't even look at me.

"Buddy, please……"

I heard footsteps. A nurse walked in. "There are some reporters in the lobby. They want to talk to you about your son."

Dad sighed and whispered something in mom's ear. "We'll go down and talk to them." She said with a sigh. "Its not everyday a kid comes back after eight years."

She walked over and kissed Ponyboy who recoiled. Mom frowned. "Honey, you don't know how glad we are to have you back."

Then she rustled my hair. "You keep a good eye on these to Darry."

"Both of them." I muttered, as she left.

**Pony**

Wake up, wake up. Oh man that guy is huge. He has got to be one of father's thugs. Maybe a new one? No its got to be Louie, I'm just seeing him like this. He's going to beat me up.

"Don't be afraid. Honest we are not going to hurt you."

"You know me better then that kid." That was Soda. "You know I could never hurt you. If I didn't have you my average in Ms. Bell's class would be dead." Was that a joke?

I turned around to look at Soda. He smiled. I looked away again. I couldn't stand this. This is juts a dream and I am going crazy. This can not be real. I didn't want to let myself be fooled.

Because more than anything I wish that it was real. I would love to be Soda's kid brother and get away from father. But even if it was true there is no way they could love me. I'm a pathetic worthless piece of nothing. They could never love something as damaged as I am.

And even, even if they could father would put a stop to it. He'd find me and we'd be gone again. Back to, no this. It aint, It can't work. I hate this. I hate that.


	23. Surgery

**Disclaimer -I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

Amy Gardner

December 15, 1965

**Tulsa Gazette**

**Startling news came out three days ago from the Tulsa City Police Department. Eight years ago four year old Ponyboy Michael Curtis disappeared without a trace from Mercy General Hospital after being treated cases of tonsillitis and strep. Ponyboy mysteriously vanished the day after his tonsillectomy. **

**The case was covered nationwide but no clues came in as to the whereabouts of the boy. After six months the case was labeled cold. A few leads came in every now and then but all turned cold as well.**

**Then three days ago 12 year old Charles Davenport was rushed to the Mercy General Trauma Center after police received reports of a domestic The boy was discovered to have been suffering from severe child abuse and neglect.**

**Upon further investigation his identity was proven to be that of missing child Ponyboy who would now be13. He is listed in serious but stable condition. All though doctors report psychological problems from the years in captivity may have further hindrances on the boy.**

**His parents when interviewed seemed overjoyed that their son had returned home. Though they too are afraid of what damages may have been done to the boy emotionally. The family asks that the press and honors requests to give them some privacy until Ponyboy is able to return home and have some time to recuperate. **

**The Suspect in the kidnapping is Richard Davenport, owner of a large stock firm that has recently moved to Tulsa. He is believed to be known under the alias Kevin Rockport also suspect in various drug and prostitution rings that have been shut and open across the country. **

"Ponyboy's wounds are healing nicely and the infection seems to be clearing up. However I am concerned about some other things."

Darrel held his wife's hand. "The emotional damage you talked about?"

The Doctor shook his head. "While that is a great concern at the moment I am referring to your son's arm. It is healing badly. He has broken it at least twice before and not correctly. I want perform surgery to realign it correctly and heal the breakage."

Margaret opened her mouth and gasped. "The surgery, does he absolutely need it?"

"Its in his best interest. He'll have better use of the arm and it will be stronger. It will also look better."

"Would he be able to come home soon?"

"If I do the surgery tomorrow he could come home before Christmas, provided all his other injuries check out. He'll need physical therapy but in a few months he should be okay. I would also like to have him see a physiatrist."

"I'm afraid my insurance does not cover that." Darrel said gloomily. "I think maybe the school guidance counselor could talk to him. After he went missing our older sons went to one two times a week. She did wonders."

"I see. Doctor Waller contact his school therapist. He evaluated your son when he first came in."

"Thank you."

"Now for the surgery. I am sure you are wondering about the procedure."

Margaret and Darrel nodded.

'We are going to remove part of the bone and then reset the arm using plates and wires and pins. They will stick out and he will be in considerable pain. The wiring and pins will be removed within a month and we will give him plenty of pain medicine of course. I do not advice him returning to school until a couple weeks after winter break."

"Thank you." Darrel said. "If you don't mind we would like to talk to Ponyboy."

"About the surgery?"

"Yes. We want him to have a heads up."

"All right then."

* * * * * * * * *

Margaret went over and sat on the bed. Ponyboy still wouldn't look at anybody. 'Ponyboy, honey. Your dad and I have something we need to talk with you about." She squeezed his shoulder. He flinched.

"I'm sorry if I hurt you."

"Son, we just want to talk to you."

Ponyboy turned around.

"That's better."

"Honey we talked to the doctor you need surgery, on your arm."

"They need to put some pins and stuff in it. Its going to hurt really bad for awhile but when its all over with your arm will be good as new." Darrel said ruffling his sons hair. Ponyboy just frowned and stiffened "Its going to be okay though.

They'll do the surgery tomorrow and you'll get to come home soon after that. You'll be home again by Christmas. It'll be so good to have you home. And we'll be right there when you wake up."

**Pony**

That's it. There going to put me under and kill me. Or I'll wake up and I'll be back home with father. It can't be any other way."


	24. Surgical Memories

**Previous Chapter**

_Margaret went over and sat on the bed. Ponyboy still wouldn't look at anybody. 'Ponyboy, honey. Your dad and I have something we need to talk with you about." She squeezed his shoulder. He flinched._

"_I'm sorry if I hurt you."_

"_Son, we just want to talk to you."_

_Ponyboy turned around._

"_That's better."_

"_Honey we talked to the doctor you need surgery, on your arm."_

"_They need to put some pins and stuff in it. Its going to hurt really bad for awhile but when its all over with your arm will be good as new." Darrel said ruffling his sons hair. Ponyboy just frowned and stiffened "Its going to be okay though._

_They'll do the surgery tomorrow and you'll get to come home soon after that. You'll be home again by Christmas. It'll be so good to have you home. And we'll be right there when you wake up."_

_**Pony**_

_That's it. There going to put me under and kill me. Or I'll wake up and I'll be back home with father. It can't be any other way."_

**And Now**

**Maggie**

Ponyboy isn't responding to any of us. He's distant and fearful. I don't know what is going on in his head and it is nearly killing me.

"Did you hear what I said buddy?" Darrel leaned over. "Pony?" I sighed.

"Honey do you understand? We know this isn't easy on you but…" I tried to think of what to say. "We love you so much and we just want what is best. This surgery is going to make your arm so much better. And I think you'll really like being home again."

He wouldn't look at either of us. What had that mad done to my baby? How could anyone bring a child to this, to live every moment of his life in fear? I tried not to cry. I didn't want to scare my son any more then he already was.

Darrel tried to smile. "You'll like it at home." He said. "We don't have much you know but your mom is a great cook. Do you remember her cooking?"

Ponyboy replied this time, sort of. He shook his head. It wasn't much of a reply but it was something and that meant everything to me. I tried to give him a smile. He still looked so scared of us. It broke my heart.

"I made it spicy for you. You loved it so much. And I would make warm cornbread."

He wasn't listening again. I sighed, This was going to take more time.

**XXXXX**

"We'll be prepping him soon."

"Ponyboy," I put a hand on his arm. "Are you ready?"

He shivered and I could not help but remember his last surgery. Did he remember at all the kidnapping that occurred because of it?

"We're going to be with you when you wake up. Nobody is going to come and take you again."

Ponyboy just whimpered. I sighed and pushed back his hair. He recoiled to the left. Every time he did something like that it felt like a knife twisting in my heart. This was my son my baby. I shut my eyes and remembered the last surgery he had, when he wanted nothing more than us to stay with him.

_Dareel came in holding Soda by the hand. A nurse was checking Ponyboy blood pressure and he was crying. "PONY." Soda leapt for his brother. His father caught him by the back of his shirt._

"_Easy there Pepsi-Cola. Ponyboy's in no shape for horsing around. Try to keep him calm, okay."_

"_Yes sir."_

"_Hi Pony." Ponyboy just waved._

"_I'm scared." He said softly, roughly. Darrel walked over and put his arms around our son._

"_It won't be so bad. You'll be asleep the whole time and when you wake up you can have all the ice cream you want. Chocolate at that."_

"_Really?"_

"_Promise."_

"_Kay then."_

"_Ah you must be Mr. Curtis. Would you like to carry your son to surgery?"_

"_Would you like that honey?"_

_Ponyboy nodded curling himself into his father. Darrel kissed him and cuddled him tight. Ponyboy reached for me. I walked over and hugged him and his father._

"_Mama?"_

"_Yeha honey?"_

"_Promise you'll be here when I get back." He moaned his throat hurting._

"_I promise." I kissed his forehead._

"_Love you mommy."_

"_I love you too sweetie." Ponyboy let go of me and held on tighter to Darrel. Darrel smiled ruffling his hear._

"_Ready little fellow."_

_Ponyboy shrugged. "You scared little buddy?"_

_Ponyboy nodded. "It'll be alright. I'll be here when you wake and so will your mom and Darry and Soda. Then you can have some chocolate ice cream."_

"_Kay."_

I got on idea. "Sweetie, do you like chocolate ice cream?"

He looked at me like I was crazy. "You didn't get chocolate much did you?"

Ponyboy didn't meet my eyes. "No." he said softly. Oh my he talked, my baby talked to me.

I smiled sadly at Darrel. He was doing the same back. "Well what would you say about some chocolate ice cream when you wake up?"

Ponyboy shrugged. I cupped his chin. "We're going to be here Ponyboy. You're going to wake up and we'll be here."

**Pony**

Not likely. I'm going to to wake up and they'll be gone. I'll be in a loony bin wrapped in a little white jacket. That or father will be gone. Its too bad. I don't exactly trust the Curtis's but I wish they were my family.

I think I might like having Soda for a brother.


	25. Confusion

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

The doctor walked in. "We're ready for him now." The man and women leaned over me. This was it. This is it. Bye- Bye Charles Davenport. Welcome to the loony bin. Father's waiting on the other side.

"Sweetie its okay." The women kissed my forhead. I squeezed my eyes closed remembering the time father sent me out. I shivered.

The man pushed my hair back, a thing for him. "Pony when you wake up we'll be waiting on you. Just hang tight okay? I asked Darry and Soda to come in tomorrow. I know you're going to be tired."

"All right then lets go."

They put a plastic cap on me and rolled me in. Oh man a bunch of doctors. What if they… I groaned. The main doctor smiled at me. "Okay when I put this mask on I want you to count backwards from one hundred."

I breathed deeply. It was going to happen no matter what I do, might ass well going willingly. I've learned that when a punishment is being delivered or father gives an order is always best to just sit and take it.

"One Hundred, Ninety nine, ninety eight, ninety seven, ninety six…." And I was out.

_Thunder boomed in the distance. I looked around. I was in a strange house only it wasn't strange. Had I been here before? It was kind of run down but it was homey, relaxing. There were no breakables to be soon._

_I looked around a women was on the sofa reading a book by lamplight. I walked a little further. There was a man at the kitchen table. He was doing nup the bills or something. Could they see me? Would they get mad about me being in their house?_

_Wait house, wasn't I in surgery. This was a dream right?_

_BOOM! Thunder again._

_I heard some crying. "Mommy, Mommy!"_

_I rushed to the living room. A boy came running in. The woman looked up from her book. I knew her but.. She was Soda's mom, the lady from the hospital. But she was younger looking._

_I peered at the boy she had pulled into her lap. He had red hair and he looked familiar. I had seen him before, on the milk carton. It was that Ponyboy kid, the one they claimed I was. I didn't know him from adam. But what was this odd feeling in my stomach._

_The women rocked him as another clash of thunder sounded. "SSHHH." His mom kissed his forehead as he cried. "It's okay the thunder won't hurt you. It's just God and his angles bowling. They bowl when it rains because they have to stay inside."_

_Ponyboy let out a whimper. "Its still scary."_

_She squeezed him. "I know, I know."_

"_I can't sleep in it."_

_She sighed and I heard footsteps. The man, Mr. Curtis? He walked in. "Can't sleep little buddy?"_

"_No."_

_I had this funny feeling. This wasn't a dream. But it had to be. I have to be going crazy like ma but why was this so real. I knew this. I could remember this. You can't just make up something so real. I could almost feel it when the guy pushed my hair back._

"_We'll we'll just have to do something about that, eha?"_

_The boy, me? Could it be me. Had my life been a lie, was I not insane. Were they telling me the truth? It felt right for the first time but.. The man, my real dad not father caught my attention again._

"_Would you sleep better if your mama played your song for you and I sang it?"_

_He, I, we nodded. "Yep."_

_BOOM!_

"_Okay then. Maggie give me Pony."_

"_Alright then." She kissed the boy, or me? I was still so confused. Then she handed me to my dad? No father is my father. I'm just confused because of what he said before he shot me. No, I know this is real. But it can't be. I need help. I'm so confused. I looked on._

_Ponyboy's dad had him in his arms as his mom started playing. That melody. I knew it. I don't remember hearing it but I knew it._

"_Close your Eyes and I'll show you how to fly Catch a cloud and take it for a ride In you dreams you can be anyone you ever wanna be Close your eyes, Dream with me _

_In you dreams you can be anyone you ever wanna be Close your eyes, Dream with me You can be an actor or be invisible Be a star in the hall of fame Build a house up in the trees Be a whale Swim in the sea Be a dog Chase a cat No-one will say ya can't do that In your dreams you can be anyone be you ever wanna be Close your eyes and dream with me Close your eyes, and dream with me"_

_I shook. We had finished the last phrase at the same time. It was predictable but that hadn't been the reason I had sang it. I started hyperventilating an suddenly…._

It hurts, it hurts. My arm felt like it was on fire. Father had hurt me this bad before but usually it came on gradually not all at once. A wet tear stroked my cheek.

"Pony, Pony honey its mom. Its okay." Mom, she's out of the institution, father got her out? No, wait the dream. It was so weird. It was so real. It had to be. But it couldn't, could it? "Pony.." groaned felling more confused than ever.

**Please review1 **********


	26. Faceing Reality

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

**Previous Chapter **

_It hurts, it hurts. My arm felt like it was on fire. Father had hurt me this bad before but usually it came on gradually not all at once. A wet tear stroked my cheek._

"_Pony, Pony honey its mom. Its okay." Mom, she's out of the institution, father got her out? No, wait the dream. It was so weird. It was so real. It had to be. But it couldn't, could it? "Pony.." groaned felling more confused than ever._

**And Now**

**Darry**

As soon as Darry pulled into the parking lot I had my door open and was ready to jump out of the truck. "Whoa there little buddy, let me turn it off first."

"Yeha, Yeha, hurry it up." I was anxious to see Ponyboy. I know he don't need no excitement. He don't like that kind of thing. Poor kid.

"Okay." I made to run for the doors. Darry held me back. "Do the words rest comfortably mean anything to you?"

I nodded. "Yes dad." I replied sardonically. Darry eyed me. "Okay, okay. Gees. I just want to see Ponyboy."

"He's probably tired. Mom and Dad said it was a pretty painful surgery." I knew that. I'm dumb but I aint a complete idiot.

"I know, I know. Come on."

"Alright then."

We walked into the hospital and up to Ponyboy's room. Before we entered Darry put a finger to his lips. Gee you'd think I was going to go in doing a whole song and dance number while naked. I have some self control even if I don't always show it.

Mom and dad were sitting at Ponyboy's bed side. He was hooked to a bunch IVs and had an oxygen thingy in his nose. His arm was held straight out and elevated. There were a bunch of pins and wires poking out.

I felt so bad for him. I had watched Ponyboy for the past months, while I thought he was someone else, and I know what he's been through. The poor kid shouldn't have to be in pain now, not now that he was with us again.

"Hey ya'll." I said as cheerfully as I can muster. Mom and Dad looked up.

"Hey boys."

"How is Pony doing?"

Mom sighed brushing back his hair. "The doctor has him on a lot of pain medicine so he's pretty out of it." He had to be or he would not have let mom do that without reacting. You'd almost think he was sleeping. His eyes were closed.

"The surgery went just fine." Dad added. "He's going to need some physical therapy but they think he'll be able to use his arm normally again." That was the only thing that ever would be.

"That's good." Darry said. Mom nodded. She just kept looking at Pony. This was killing her, killing us. I had seen what that man had done to Ponyboy while I went to school with him but to see this, some of the worst of his work, what he's done to my brother this time. To see the effect it had on my family made me want to kill him.

Scum like Davenport did not deserve to take up space on the earth. I walked over to stand beside mom, Darry beside dad. "Hey Pony." I said. "You have some chocolate yet?" He didn't stir.

"I'm getting him a milkshake later." Dad explained. "He can't sit up because of the surgery from the gun shot wounds. It hurts too bad. Poor kid." Dad stroked his cheek.

"I'm going to kill Davenport." He muttered my feelings grinding his teeth.

Darry put his hand on dad's shoulder. "Me too but I don't want to give him the pleasure. Let him rot in jail."

Mom sighed. "Lets not talk about this now. We don't want Pony to hear."

I nodded my head in agreement. He was messed up enough by all this as it is.

"Oh my baby."

I looked down at Ponyboy. Tears were coming down his closed eyes and his face was clenched in pain.

* * * * * * * * *

**Pony**

It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. I wanted to scream. I'd hurt this bad before but its never easy. I just want to scream. A hand wiped my tear off my face. Don't touch me. Don't touch me. Please don't touch me.

"Its okay baby. Its just me. Its dad." Dad, no father. He can't be here. Father's here. It was just a dream. Oh man, oh man father is going to kill me.

"Pony, Pony relax. You're in the hospital. You had surgery on your arm. Nobody is going to hurt you anymore. Nobody." That voice, Sodapop? I groaned. The dream. That dream. It had been so real.

Soda's mom she was there and his dad. He had sung that song. How had a known it? It was so real not like a dream, more like a memory. But It couldn't be, could it. I wanted it to be a memory but… I mean it just couldn't be could it?

"Pony, honey it's okay. It's okay." Soda's mom, my mom? _I peered at the boy, me?, As she had pulled into her lap. He, I, had red hair and he looked familiar. The women rocked him, me as another clash of thunder sounded. "SSHHH." His mom, my mom?, kissed his forehead as he maybe I cried. "It's okay the thunder won't hurt you. It's just God and his angles bowling. They bowl when it rains because they have to stay inside."_

It wasn't a dream, it wasn't a dream. Oh man suddenly my arm and stomach were not the only things that were hurting.

**Wow that was hard to write. I'm sorry if it is crappy. Please review anyway.**


	27. The Thing you Should Know

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders. **_**Please review.**

Margaret and Darrel sat in two uncomfortable chairs in the physiatrists' offices. Darrel wriggled slightly to try to get situated. Margaret threw him a slightly exasperated look. He grinned at her shrugging his shoulders. She shook her head at him suppressing a smile.

The door opened and they both turned their heads. A doctor walked in carrying a large file folder. He nodded at them and headed toward his desk. "Good afternoon Mr. and Mrs. Curtis. My name is Doctor Housemen I am sorry we have not gotten a chance to speak. Before Ponyboy can be released I would like to have a more thorough talk about his physiological condition."

Margaret immediately reached for Darrel's hand. The damage to the son's body was bad enough but they had all seen firsthand what had been done to him emotionally and of course physiologically. To talk about, it made her sick.

"I know this is hard for you but I do not feel comfortable having your son sent home without you being fully informed. It would not be fare to him or yourselves."

Darrel squeezed his wife's hand again. "We understand."

Doctor Housemen opened the folder. "When I was first assigned to your son's case I was informed that he was abused and a possible abducted child. He would not talk or make meaningful human contact. He was excessively withdrawn and shy. He did not make eye contact. This has not changed."

"We know this already."

"Yes of course." He cleared his throat and shuffled some papers. "I have talked to the school where Ponyboy went under the Davenport."

"Will Rogers." Margaret interjected.

"Yes Will Rogers. He is an exceptionally bright boy working well beyond grade level. Cognitively he is far advanced. On an emotional level he is far behind. Emotionally speaking Ponyboy is still as unstable as a small child. He suffers from depression, stockhome syndrome, traumatic amnesia and I am sure other disorders will surface."

"What can we do for him?"

"We'll get to that. The best way you can help Ponyboy is understanding what he has lived through. There was consent physical and verbal abuse. He was beaten black and blue on a daily basis. He was forced to take drugs such as heroine, and LSD as well as sell it and himself, though we believe the latter to be more resent.

He was probably brainwashed and constantly told he was worthless. Davenport was yelling something of the like when the officers arrived at the home. We have it on record that Davenport's wife has been institutionalized and remained so for quite some time now. It may have had an effect as well."

Margaret took in her breath. She tried not to cry. Her poor baby. "What can we do for him though?"

"Please. We want to take our son home. We want to try to do what's best for him but we need to know what that is."

Doctor Housemen nodded. " He needs time. Don't rush him into things. Be patient. Don't force him to do things he isn't ready for. Give him space. Try to treat him like the other boys though. Don't give him too much special treatment. He needs to feel as part of the family. Have him go to the school councilor."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome Mr. and Mrs. Curtis."

**Ponyboy**

"Are you ready buddy?" Mr. Curtis, no my dad I have to remind myself, my dad asked. I don't think I can ever be ready so I don't make an effort to answer. I do not wish to make him angry. He's a pretty big guy.

He smiles sadly and then leaves the room for a moment. The women, my mother, my mother I think. She is sitting beside me on the bed. I can't look at her. She has to be angry with me eventually. I'm making her so sad. I took her son from her and she got back me, a pathetic little thing. Sometimes I'm not even sure I am human anymore.

"Pony, honey. You can have anything you want tonight for dinner. Do you want me to cook or do you want us to pick up something?" She doesn't need to go to any trouble on my behalf. I'm lucky to get table scraps from father. Besides she should save it for her real sons, not some shadow of one.

I merely shrug my good shoulder. To tell the truth I'm still half scared of the Curtis's. They've been great to me but things could go bad at anytime, they always do. Besides even if I am their son, to me they are strangers. Strangers make me anxious.

"Honey?" There are footsteps coming down the hallway. I hear laughter. Sodapop is coming. I fell sorry for him. He's got to be disappointed that I'm his brother and not some other kid. He's a nice guy, closet I would ever come to calling a friend. I feel bad for it all. He deserves a kid brother that's whole not just some, whatever I am now.

He came in with a smile on his face and I looked away. "Hey kiddo. Dad's got the car out front. He said the nurse will be in here soon."

I didn't respond because the truth is I wasn't so sure I wanted to go.


	28. Home Again

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders.**_** Please Review.**

A nurse pushed me out in a wheelchair. I didn't feel like walking anyway so it didn't bother me, besides I don't even think I have a lick of pride. Father took it away from me, if I had it to start with.

They had a nice enough car I guess. It was kind of old but I couldn't complain. If I never see a Rolls Royce again it will be too soon. It was a 59 Buick.

Mr. Curtis, dad, my dad. Father isn't my dad. I have to keep reminding myself because it does not seem real. My dad opened the car door for me. He smiled. Don't smile, please don't smile. Father used to smile right before he injected me. Sometimes he actually beast me just because he was in a good mood, thought it was fun.

"You okay Pony." Is he talking to me? "Pony?" I nod my head. "Here let me help you into the car. I try to stand up, my legs are like jelly. He puts his hand on my back, holding me up.

I close my eyes. Don't hurt me. Don't hurt me. Please do not hurt me. "Easy buddy." He leads me to the seat and helps me sit down. I sigh in relief. Dad ruffles my hair, he's done that a lot. I stare down at my feet.

Plop. I hear Soda slide in next to me. I can't look at him. Dad closes the door. I rest my arm on it. It hurts. I clinch my teeth. I've had worse. If I close my eyes can block most of it out.

The other car doors close and the engines start. I brace myself for the yelling to start. Surely once the hospital staff can't see or hear it will. They have to hate me. I made their lives miserable. They can't love me anymore. I am not their son.

Maybe I was once, I'd like to think that was true. But not anymore. I'm a pathetic piece of crap they got landed with. Their son died a long time ago. I'm just some other person inhabiting his shell. They could never love me, not really. They loved Ponyboy but I'm Charles. Charles was never loved.

* * * * * * *

I always knew Sodapop was poor. He said he was a greaser and it's not that hard to tell. His friends are greasers and he looks and acts the part. But I hadn't really given much thought into the kind of neighborhood his, wait my, family lived in.

The houses were all run down with trash the yard. Dad, ugh I got it right for once. Dad pulled into a drive way. I looked up. The house wasn't as bad as some of the others. The Curtiss at least cared. It didn't look familiar to me. But it was Pony's house and although I may have been him once I am not that little boy any longer.

The door opened for me. Dad was there to help me out again. I shook him off. "Easy buddy, I am not going to hurt you." I nodded.

'I'm not gripping you too hard am I kiddo?" I shook my head. His grip hurt a little but father's was much harder.

"Ready Pony?" I nodded at him. He grinned. I didn't feel like smiling.

Mrs.. Mom, mom you idiot. Mom opened the front door as dad led me up the front porch steps. "Darry's at work right now but he'll be back later."

What should I care? He scares the crap out of me.

I walked in the door. "It hasn't changed much since you were here. We even kept your room just the same." Mom said kissing my cheek. I flinched. The last time a woman kissed me when I wasn't drugged, I shivered. I didn't want to think of it.

"Sorry honey." I nodded and looked around. The furniture was warm out, a sofa and two old armchairs. But it looked comfy enough.

There was a large bookcase, some lamps and a black and white TV. Then of course there was the piano, just like my dream. That clinched it, they weren't lying,

There were some pictures on the piano. One in particular. A little boy was grinning at me. His stare was hunting me. It seemed to be telling me I didn't belong here. I was not him, I was a fraud. It chilled me.

A hand touched my good shoulder. "You ready to see your room? We kept it exactly the same."

"Your room was tough Pony. All western and stuff." Soda drawled. I nodded. Truth be told though I don't think I was, ready.

I followed dad and Soda. Mom was right behind me. It wasn't far. The house was small. You could fit it four times at father's, any place we lived really. Don't think about it, don't think about it.

Dad opened the door and flipped on the light. He and Soda walked in. I followed. The room was small but comfy. I didn't remember it.

The walls were painted to look like a dessert. There were cactuses and stuff. One had a cowboy and some horses. The bed looked like a little chuck wagon and it had a bookshelf. It would be a little small for me now but I'd been in tighter spaces. When I was nine father kept me in a dog's cage for three days once.

There was a teddy bear on it. Had it been Pony's, mine when I was really him? At the foot of the bed was a toy box that looked like a prairie wagon. It read PONYBOY in big blue letters. The quilt was handmade. I'd never had a handmade blanket before. Not with father anyway.

"Do you remember it sweetie?" I shook my head.

"C..C….Can ..be alone?" I asked. It was the first full sentence I had spoken to my parents.

Mom kissed my cheek and gave me a hug. Please don't touch me, don't touch me. Please. I don't want too.

"Of course. Darrel, Soda you boys can help me in the kitchen. And Soda?"

"Yes mother dear?" he asked innocently. Soda is a character.

"No food coloring."

"Yes mame."

Dad tried to smile at me. "If you need us just call." They left me alone. I sat down on the bed. I didn't know this room. I had spent four years here, how could I not know it? Maybe Ponyboy was really dead. I was right. I was just some other nothing inhabiting his shell.

I picked up the bear and held it to me. It was still soft. Aw man Babar, I am messed up. Babar, was that the bear's name?

**I figured Ponyboy would have a bear named after a book character. Babar was the first good one I found that he might have read.**


	29. Bad Memories

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_**. All your reviews have made my day. This story is dedicated to my loyal readers and the newcomers to this story. ******

There is pounding on the front door. I held the bear closer to me and hunched my shoulders. I heard a slam. There was yelling outside. Dad was yelling. Please don't yelled t me. Please don't yell at me. Please, no.

_I curled into a ball and rocked. Father was angry, so angry. "Pathetic, worthless…" He gave me a kick. "You are a nothing. You hear me. You are a stupid, lazy, useless piece of crap. You know it kid. Aint nobody love you and aint nobody going to love you."_

_He picked me up by my shirt and hauled me to my feet. I could feel his breath hot and sticky on my face. "You little shit. You lousy piece of trash. He held me up and slapped me. Then he took his fist to my jaw. Tear fell down my face. _

_Father laughed bitterly. He dropped me. He kicked my side. "Your pathetic, you little snot. Can't even take a hit without crying. Are you a baby Charles? Are you a little dipper monger. Do you need me to wipe your crap up? Do you need a baba?" I shivered._

Dad was screaming still. I think there were more reporters outside. Please stop it please stop. I rocked back and forth. I don't know why but its kind of comforting. I squeezed Babar. I'm such a baby. I closed my eyes.

Let me die, let me die. I just want to die.

_I vomited. It was cold. No know it's hot. My body shivered. The monsters were back. Make them go away, father please. Father take them away. I was crying. My stomach clinches and I vomit all over the floor._

_My head aches and I just want to die. Please father give me some more stuff. I hate it but I need it. Please father. "Father.." I croak. He just opens the closet door and laughs._

"_Withdrawal is heck aint it kid." He taunts. I am sobbing harder now. _

_I'm soaked in blood and urine and vomit. I want to die. Please father let me die. "Fa.. Father.." he laughs and give me a kick. _

"_You're weak kid. You've done this before. You better learn to handle it kid. Be a man." He grabs rope and ties my feet and arms together. I'm shaking. He knows I want to beg. He shuts the door. I'm alone again. I just want to die._

I close my eyes. I'm almost asleep. I hate to sleep because I dream. I have a big enough imagination as it is. But reality, sometimes it is worse.

**Darrel**

I slammed the door shut. Molly and Soda are in the kitchen cooking. I peak in. Molly isn't smiling. She turns around. "The reporters.."

"Won't give us a break. They want to see Pony. They just kept asking one question after the other. It made me so mad."

"I think all that yelling may have scared Ponyboy dad. We didn't go in the room because he said he wanted to be alone." Soda said not looking back.

"I thought you might want to go talk to him. You should explain things to him."

I kissed Margaret's cheek. "I'll go. What you making?"

"We're going to make backed chicken. I didn't think about it but Pony's stomach casn't take much right now. I didn't think about the surgery to remove the bullets. He lost some of his intestines. He was just starting to eat solid food again."

I kissed her cheek again frowning. My poor Pony. I wanted to get my hands on Davenport, anyone who was sick enough to do that to a kid. "I'm glad you did. I'll go to Ponyboy."

I walked back to his room. He was on the bed, his broken arm extended. The bed was kind of small now. Pony fit like a glove. He would need a bigger bed. He couldn't prop his arm up and Lord be willing he would grow some more, get meat on his bones. That's all he was, skin and bones.

I sighed. His cheeks were wet where he had been crying. I wiped them away gently. "I'm sorry buddy. I didn't mean to scare you." He was holding on to the bear. He really was too old for that sort of thing but if it helped him, I was perfectly fine with it.

He looked awfully uncomfortable lying there. I leaned over and picked him up. He was light as a ragdoll. I was careful to mind his arm. He moaned but stayed asleep. "Daddy's got you Pony. I got you."

I walked to Margret's and my room and laid him on the bed. I picked up a pillow and propped his arm on it. I covered him up. I had not been able to tuck my son into bed in eight years. He was far too old for it but I was glad that I even had the chance.

Pony moaned. He was having some kind of nightmare. I ruffled his hair and kissed his forehead. I sat on the edge of the bed and grabbed a hold of his good hand. "Everything's okay Ponyboy. Eventually everything is going to be just right." I hope.


	30. Dinner

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders.**_** Thank you to all my reviewers. Thanks to you this is my longest story to date. You keep reviewing and I'll keep it coming. ******

Ponyboy blinked his eyes open. He looked around. Where was he? He had fallen asleep in a different room, hadn't he. He moaned. Maybe he wasn't thinking straight. Sitting up and minding his arm he looked around.

The room before had a western theme. This looked more, more adult. He gazed around. There was a framed picture on the bedside table. A family, it was a family. His parents were on the sofa, three boys sat on their laps or between them. They were, were happy.

"_You ruined that. You ruin everything." _A tiny voice in the back of his head taunted. It sounded just like father. He shivered.

**Pony**

I swung my feet over the bed and hoped off. I walked into the living room. Soda and that other guy, I tried to remember remember his name, were on the sofa. Man is he big. He looks like he could work for father. I shivered hoping he was not too upset with me. He could do some real damage.

"Hey Pony, glad to have you home." I stared down at my feet .

"Pony have a seat dear." Hands wrapped themselves around my shoulder. I'll do it just don't hurt me, please don't hurt me.

I walked over the arm chair and propped my arm up. "You okay Pone?" Darry, his name was Darry. I nodded meekly. If I'm okay they won't ask questions.

"Dinner is almost ready. Do you still like chicken Pony dear?" I shrugged. I liked any food I could get. I'd been not angry as of late, couldn't hold anything down, but I'd give it a try.

"Don't worry mom's cooking is real good. She doesn't burn food like some people." Soda said laughing. Dad walked into the room. Please don't hurt him, he was only joking. He shouldn't have done that. He shouldn't have done that.

Father would have given me a real wallop for that one. I wouldn't eat for a week, two even.

To my surprise dad laughed. "Pepsi Cola if you're going to insult my cooking you might want to think of your own." Soda jumped up and gave dad a punch of the shoulder. I shuddered. Surely he would be mad now. It was a soft one but still.

"You're the one who taught me to make green pancakes."

He laughed again. He wasn't angry? How could he not be mad? "So I did."

"Boys, dinner is ready."

Darry stood up. "About time."

Oh no, now he's going to get it for sure. I closed my eyes.

"Manners Darrel."

"Yes mame."

* * * * * *

**Margaret**

Ponyboy fiddled with his plate while Soda and Darry were wolfing down their food. "Is the food alright Pony dear?"

He nodded and started eating faster. His face was pale and he looked scared. Oh no. "You can slow down. Its okay." He slowed down suddenly. Poor Pony he's still so scared.

"_What can we do for him though?"_

"_Please. We want to take our son home. We want to try to do what's best for him but we need to know what that is."_

_Doctor Housemen nodded. " He needs time. Don't rush him into things. Be patient. Don't force him to do things he isn't ready for. Give him space. Try to treat him like the other boys though. Don't give him too much special treatment. He needs to feel as part of the family. Have him go to the school councilor."_

"_Thank you."_

"_You're welcome Mr. and Mrs. Curtis."_

"Do you like chocolate Ponyboy?"

"Of course he does ma, he's a Curtis aint he?" Ponyboy stared down at his plate. He paled.

"Pony, honey?"

He nodded meekly. "I made chocolate cake for dessert. Eat a little bit more and we can have dessert." He nodded again and continued to eat. He looked so uncomfortable. Was my Pony still that afraid of us all?

I sighed. "You can eat as much or as little as you want Ponyboy. We can always save the rest for later. Darry and Soda are just pgs sometimes, right boys."

"umfum." Soda said with his mouthful. "Darry here could eat a whole horse."

Darry rolled his eyes.

Ponyboy pushed his plate away. I got up and took it to the kitchen. I brought the cake back from the icebox. "Welcome home Pony. I'm sorry we couldn't do more for you."

"We're really glad you're back son. Darrel added.

"Yeha, just think now Ms. Bell has two Curtis's. Guess it means you'll still have to be my math ;partner. Hope you don't mind." Soda looked at us. "Pony's brilliant. He got me to pass math."

Ponyboy blushed and just sort of stiffened.

"You're arm hurt kid?" Darry asked. Ponyboy shook his head virgoursly. It was if he was expecting for Darry to say _"I'll make it hurt."_ Poor baby. If that Davenport was not in jail. I sighed.

"Lets eat some cake and boys don't hog it all."

'When have we ever eaten a whole cake?"

"Two days ago." Darry exclaimed laughing.

Ponyboy's face twitched as if he wanted to smile and then he frowned again. I sighed. We had a lot of work ahead of us. I just hope and pray he'll be okay oneday.


	31. Black and White

"Do you like TV Ponyboy?" I asked as Darrel and the boys made to clean up the kitchen. He looked down at his lap.

"I never really get to watch it." It was one of the first full sentences Pony had ever spoken to me. I smiled sadly.

'Well we can fix that. It's only a black and white but you're welcome to it?"

He looked up at me in surprise. His eyes were wide and hopeful. "Really mame?"

He was so proper. "Of course. I think My Three Sons is on. I always have loved that show. Would you like to watch it with me?"

Ponyboy nodded eagerly. I grinned. "Alright. Come on then. I'll get some popcorn. You go sit on the sofa." He practically ran up and sat as I told him. He stayed perfectly still, waiting for any other instruction. It had been hard enough to convince him that he didn't need to wash the dishes or clean the table.

I wondered if he had to do everything Davenport told him to do. Was he responsible for every little thing. I shuddered.

**Pony**

Mom came in the room with some popcorn. Followed by Dad and my brother, my brothers; the idea was still taking some getting used to. They all sat down and turned on the tv. Mom and Soda sat on either side of me.

"Here dear. You should really prop your arm up." Mom put a couple of pillows on my lap and I sat the arm down. "Is that better Pony?" I nodded. It felt kind of good.

Mom smiled. She was awfully pretty. My mother, Tonya, no Tonya. Tonya always had a wan weary sort of look. I had to make sure she was happy. She had to be happy. If I keep her happy she won't be mad at me for going away. Just got to keep her happy.

Darry leaned down and turned the TV on. I can count on half a finger the number of times I have seen TV or movies. Father always said I wasn't good enough to watch TV.

"_A worthless little shit like you shouldn't watch TV. It would be over your head anyways kid. I don't want some useless kid bumming around wasting electricity. Go into the closet and do your studies. Don't bother me." _That had been father at his nicest. I shuttered,

"Are you cold honey? The heater's on but I can get you a blanket?"

I shook my head. Why should she go to any trouble on my account?

"Alright then."

I turned my attention to the TV. I watched the Douglasses and wondered if that was what a family was supposed to be? I looked over at mom and dad and Soda and even Darry. I don't think I have ever felt so out of place or alone.

**Sorry it's short. A bit of writer's block. I know where I'm going but well you know how it goes. Check out some of my Harry Potter work. I actually wrote something funny. Review please. ******


	32. Dream in the Dead of Night

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_**.**

Margaret yawned and leaned into her husband. He grinned and draped his arm around her. Margaret gave a contented sigh. Darrel kissed her cheek.

"We knew this wouldn't be easy."

'I know but when we got him home I had hoped…….."

'he's better then when he was in the hospital. There are some things to work out yes but we have him back, we have our son."

"I never thought we'd ever be able to bring him home. I hoped but it was so long. Darrel what has he been through. How could anyone do, do this to a child our baby?"

Darrel held his wife closer. "I don't know dear. I don't know. As much as I hate Jeremy Cade for what he does to poor Johnny even he isn't that much of a monster. I don't understand it and I don't like it, Nobody, nobody has the right to do that to a child. II swear if that man even dares come near any of our boys again….."

Margaret choked back a sob. Darrel wiped away her tears. "I'm sorry dear."

Margaret shivered, "I'm going to check on the boys."

"I'll go with you."

Margaret got up and helped her husband to her feet. He clutched her hand and they walked to their older boy's room. Since Pony's bed was too small Darry and Soda agreed to share a bed so Pony could use Darry's to prop his arm. Darrel promised to make a new bed for his youngest son.

The light was switched off. Margaret smiled slightly when she saw the two older boys. Soda and Darry had a tight fit and Soda had an arm strewn on top of Darry. Then she looked at Pony and her heart nearly broke.

His bad arm lay propped up but the rest of him was curled into a tight ball. His eyes twitched and he looked to be crying. Her poor, poor baby. She looked at Darrel. He looked sick. She sobbed into his chest. He rubbed her back.

"He'll be alright Maggie, he'll be alright. Its Christmas soon. That'll make him happy."

"Do you think he's had a good one?" Darrel shrugged.

"We'll just have to make it the best we can."

Maggie nodded and pulled away. She crept to Pony's bedside and swept back his hair. "It'll be okay baby. It'll be okay." He groaned.

Maggie took a sigh and began to sing in a soft low voice. Every pitch, every note was perfect. "Sleep my child and peace attend thee, All through the night. Guardian angels God will send thee, all through the night. Soft the drowsy hours are creeping, hill and vale in slumber sleeping I my loving vigil keeping all through the night While the moon her watch is keeping All through the night While the weary world is sleeping all through the night O'er thy spirit gently stealing Visions of delight revealing Breaths a pure and holy feeling All through the night Sleep my child and peace attend thee All through the night All through the night"

Pony calmed, tears still flowing.

**Pony a few hours later**

"_Would you sleep better if your mama played your song for you and I sang it?"_

_He, I, we nodded. "Yep."_

_BOOM!_

"_Okay then. Maggie give me Pony."_

"_Alright then." She kissed the boy, or me? I was still so confused. Then she handed me to my dad? No father is my father. I'm just confused because of what he said before he shot me. No, I know this is real. But it can't be. I need help. I'm so confused. I looked on._

_Ponyboy's dad had him in his arms as his mom started playing. That melody. I knew it. I don't remember hearing it but I knew it._

"_Close your Eyes and I'll show you how to fly Catch a cloud and take it for a ride In you dreams you can be anyone you ever wanna be Close your eyes, Dream with me _

_In you dreams you can be anyone you ever wanna be Close your eyes, Dream with me You can be an actor or be invisible Be a star in the hall of fame Build a house up in the trees Be a whale Swim in the sea Be a dog Chase a cat No-one will say ya can't do that In your dreams you can be anyone be you ever wanna be Close your eyes and dream with me Close your eyes, and dream with me"_

_I shook. We had finished the last phrase at the same time. It was predictable but that hadn't been the reason I had sang it. I started hyperventilating an suddenly…._

I awoke with a start. That dream. I had it again. It unnerved me. I took a deep breath and willed myself to sleep.


	33. Curtis Morning

**Not a complete update but I made this chapter longer. I do not own **_**The Outsiders.**_

"I don't think it's a very good idea Soda, he just got home. We don't want to overwhelm him."

"Who's overwhelming him? It's just the guys. They're around all the time anyway."

"He's not in any fit state to entertain?"

"Whose entertaining? I just want them to come over."

"Sodapop don't argue with your mother."

Ponyboy awoke with a start. He knew this family this whole big happy family thing was too good to be true. He drew the cover close to him and drew the cover to himself and tried to drown out the voices.

"I'm not arguing dad. I just want the guys to come over like a welcome home party."

'Sodapop Patrick." His mother warned.

"But mom…"

His father cleared his throat.

"Please."

"Actually…"

"Darry?" Darrel Sr asked.

'Well we need to get him to feel like a part of our family again right, make things more normal. Maybe this could be good for him."

"_Please don't fight. Please don't fight."_ Ponyboy thought worriedly.

"How?"

"Well he needs to be around people."

"And he knows the guys from school." Soda added. "He even has a class with Steve."

"Well."

Ponyboy stirred. He didn't want anyone to come over. He hated being around people. They put him on edge. The guys were okay, he guessed. Two-Bit and Steve scared him a bit but at least Two-Bit was funny. He was pretty sure Steve didn't like him though how could anyone like him anyways? He was still reserving judgment on Johnny. He had a feeling Johnny had it bad at home.

"It's up to Ponyboy."

Ponyboy stood up and made his way into the dining room.

"Hello Pony, good morning. Are you hungry?"

Ponyboy shook his head. "Are you sure dear?"

"_Awe man. Look what you've gone and done. She looks upset. You stupid imbecile can't you do anything right?"_

"Maybe a little."

"Take a seat Pony. I'll go get you a plate. Soda, Darry you can start the dishes."

The older boys got up. Soda shot a smile at Ponyboy who bowed his head and looked at his feet.

"Do you like bacon kiddo and eggs? I don't know if you remember but you're mother makes the best around." Ponyboy made no attempt to answer his father.

Darrel sighed. "Do you want to do anything special today?"

Ponyboy looked up. Father had never asked him what he wanted to do. He did what he was told when he was told. He was lucky when he got a spare moment to do his drawing or pick up a book.

"Soda mentioned having some of the boys over. He says you know them from school?"

Ponyboy nodded. "Would you like that, have them over?"

Ponyboy shrugged. "If you don't want them over they don't have to come. We can do something else..."

"_But Soda will be mad. He wants them over. What will he do if he gets mad? I don't want to make him mad."_

"I don't mind."

Darrel smiled as his wife set down the plate. 'So you can talk."

"Darrel!" Maggie said with a laugh swatting her husband playfully. _"Is she mad, why did she laugh if she was angry? I don't understand."_

"Sorry." 

Margaret sat beside her son. 'Eat as much as you want sweetie. We'll talk about having the boys over later, okay?"

Ponyboy nodded and looked at his plate. He wasn't a bit hungry but it looked so, so good. He fiddled with his fork. He didn't want to offend anybody so he took a bite. _"This really good. Maybe a few more bites_." But before long he was full.

"Are you sure you don't want more dear."

Ponyboy felt his stomach flip-flop. He frowned and made to take another bite. His stomach did flip flops and groaned. "That's okay honey. Why don't you go into the living room with your brothers?"

Ponyboy nodded halfheartedly and obeyed. He didn't want his mother mad at him.

"Hey Pony." Ponyboy peaked in the living room. Darry was lounged in an armchair and Soda lay sprawled on the sofa.

Ponyboy just shrugged. Sodapop lifted his feet and sat up. "Have a seat. I promise I don't bite. No more than Ms. Bell does."

Ponyboy's lip twitched and he looked down. _"What is it about him? He's so, so big. He should be miserable having me for a brother but he seems, happy."_

Ponyboy looked at the empty sofa seat. Soda's smile fell. "Hey Pony listen. It's no different than math class except of course the seat is more comfortable and I won't fall asleep."

Oh how Ponyboy wanted to laugh then but he couldn't. _'What if he wasn't joking? I might offend him. I don't want him mad. I don't want him mad."_

Ponyboy walked over and sat down on the far end of the tattered sofa.


	34. My Brother

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders.**_

He isn't happy with the guys coming. He's been around them at school and all but I can tell, they make him edgy, It's sad to see him way. He should have grown up around our friends, the third Curtis brother. He should be at ease; they should be like us, his brothers. But it's not that way.

He's making himself smaller like always. He looks so fragile and I hate it. I want to scream, I want to cry, I want to yell. I want to punch the daylights out of the man he called father. It was bad enough when he was just Charlie but he's not Charlie, he's Pony. I can't see how anyone could do that to a kid; reduce them to a scared, untrusting, and thing.

I want him to be more, more fourteen. He's smarter than any fourteen year old, more behaved to. But he's not like a teenage guy. He's too scared, too fragile. He doesn't know how to joke and play around. It's sad, so sad.

The guys are all sitting around chatting. Steve is in a poker game with Dallas and me. Darry is in the kitchen with Johnny, he's sporting a black eye. His father is another on my would be hit list but even he isn't like Davenport. He doesn't fall even close to that level of evil, not even close.

Two-Bit is trying to make him laugh. He's joking and talking. Pony is just looking at his cast and pins. I feel sorry for him. Two-Bit frowns.

"Long face kid. I mean I know you're name is Ponyboy but you don't have to take it literally."

Pony's mouth twitches. Progress is progress.

Dallas takes a puff of his Kool. He blows out smoke rings. "Wanna be dealt in kid?" Ponyboy looks up then back down. He plays with the frayed end of his sweater.

"No thank you"

"You sure kid?"

My brother blushes. "I don't know how."

Dallas grunts as if to keep from laughing. I glare at him. He coughs. I try to smile at my brother. 'Well then we'll just have to teach you then."

Two-Bit saunter's over. I know what he has planed and I eye him so that maybe he will not go through with his plan. I know Two-Bit like a book. He will try to trick Pony if we don't stop him. Pony eases off the sofa and walks over. He looks so unsure of himself. It makes my stomach churn.

'"Well come on kiddo. We all get five cards…."

**Sorry it's short. Bit of writer's block with this one but I owed you all a chapter. Cheers.**

**Next month is the fifth anniversary of my starting fanfiction. Five years have done me wonders. I've gone from fangirl to a true fanfiction writer. To celebrate I have decided to host a challenge. Here it is:**

**Write a realistic and well detailed AU fic in which one of the Curtis parents, just one survives the car crash. Stick to cannon characterization and include if you like step parents, severe injuries, physiological damage due to the death of a spouse, but no sisters or gang/oc girl romance. Help me celebrate Please.**


	35. Nothings Gonna Hurt Him

**I do not own **_**The Outsiders.**_** The song is from Sweeny Tod**__** and also a Josh Grobin Standard.**

_**Nothing's gonna harm you Not while I'm around**_

_**Nothing's gonna harm you No sir, not while I'm around**_

I'm worried about him now more than ever. Even Johnny grins while we're playing poker, laughs at jokes. Pony he, he's just there. I can't tell if he 's happy or if his mind is on…. That man. It scares me. When we had him, when he was little, I could read him.

Four year olds aren't nearly so hard to read. Fourteen year olds shouldn't be either. Okay so maybe they should be moody ands uncooperative but they should not be so, so sad and well pitiful. And all because I had to be sic k too.

I sighed. "I fold."

"Baby." Steve laughed. I glared at him. That wiped the little smirk off his face pretty face. Ponyboy shivered and I regretted it pretty fast. I've never been so ashamed of my ability to intrimidate. He's already half terrigfied of me, my own brother scared to death… of me.

I closed my eyes.

_We walked into a small cubical office and I hoped on the paper sheet covered bed thing. Mom shook Ponyboy gently awake. He groaned and started crying. His throat must have hurt something awful because he stopped screaming in a matter of seconds and tightened his grip on mom, tears still falling rapidly but silent tears._

_She kissed his forehead. "Ssshh, ssshh I know baby. I know. It hurts. It will hurt less if you calm down. Why don't you sit with Darry? I'll bet he don't mind sharing that bed of his."_

_My throat itched and I sneezed. "Yeha Ponyboy. My butt's not so big that you can't fit."_

"_Darrel Shayne…."_

"_Sorry ma."_

_She laughed and shook her head, handing Ponyboy to me. He laid his head against my chest. I could feel him breathing raggedly, poor kid._

_A doctor walked in a few minutes later with a clip board. "Hello boys I'm Doctor Forbes. You must be Darrel and Ponyboy. "Ponyboy lifted his head up for a moment from my shirt but quickly buried it back in there. He's awful shy._

"_What seems to be the problem?"_

"_They both are coughing and have sore throats. Ponyboy also has ragged breathing and a fever of 103.5. Darrell's is 101.5."_

"_Okay then lets have a look at Ponyboy first, Is he the youngest?" Mom nodded. "Can I have a look at you Ponyboy?" Ponyboy grasped onto my shirt._

"_Come on buddy. The sooner you let him look let him you the sooner you'll get better."_

_**Demons are prowling everywhere Nowadays**_

_**I'll send 'em howlling I don't care  
I got ways No one's gonna hurt you No one's gonna dare  
**_

He used to come to me for comfort. He used to trust me. Now I'm just some stranger who scares the crap ourt of him, some big colossus thing that can't be trusted.

I heard a low whistle, coming from Two-Bit. "Glory kid royal flush. You done beat me out of all my money." Not even a hint of a smile from my brother. He just rubbed the cast on his arm and stared at the hand he'd beem delt. If only life had delt him a better hand, delt me a better hand. I closed my eyes.

* * * * * * * *

I looked over from Soda's sleeping form at Pony. He was holding Babar. What fourteen year old sleeps with a teddy bear? I sighed. Pony was awake, I could tell. He was shivering.

_**No one's gonna hurt you No one's gonna dare  
Others can dessert you Not to worry, whistle I'll be there  
**_

I sighed. He looked so small, and skinny. Mom and dad were trying to get some meat on him but it was slow going. Maybe he'd eat at mom's Christmas feast. We had more then ever to celebrate this year but it also felt we had more to morn.

I'm usually a logical person, nothing but fact, very sensible. But you know when I walked into that hospital I half expected to see a little four year old. I expected him to see me and break out into this big smile and open his arms wide. I'm not so much disappointed as I am sad.

Sad that my brother had to live with that thing; that he had to endure years of torture and abuse. I'm sad that he hardly knows me, that I scare him.

I sighed. "Don't worry kiddo." I whispered so low I doubt he heard me. "I won't let anything hurt you ever again. Nobody would dare."

**Sorry that it's short. If you couldn't tell this was Darry.**


	36. Christmas Part One

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders. **_

Christmas was almost every kid's I know favorite time of year. It was such a happy time….. For them. I don't know… it just… It was different for me, sadder. There was always something missing. Mom and dad they were just running through the motions for Soda and I. There was always... Something missing. It was like having no tree. Things just felt wrong.

Those first few years were the worst. Soda still believed in Santa back then again He was such a sweet kid. Every letter I took a peek at he just asked for Pony back. One time he even asked the Santa at the mall. I can still see that look on mom's face. It made me sick.

When he was nine Soda bawled his eyes out. I remember coming down the hall and seeing him crying. _"Mommy am I bad boy?" _Mom stiffened. She looked so sad.

"_No dear never..."_

"_Then why won't Santa bring back Pony? I like the football but I won't Pony. I just want Pony..."_

That was the year Soda stopped believing in Santa….

I guess this Christmas will be better. At least I think it will. Things still don't feel right. Ponyboy, I just can't get over it. What kind of sadistic masochistic does that to a kid? He's hardly smiled since he came home. He's so scared of everything. Like when he went and got our tree….

We went out to the forest like always. Pony he'd always been too young to go but he was supposed to go that year… So we took him with us. He didn't want to go, you could tell. He shivered and nearly cried the whole way there.

When dad got out the ax he let out a shrink and started to have a panic attack. He thought we were going to kill him and leave his body out in the woods. It took a half hour for dad to calm him down. That was the first fit I've seen him have. He didn't speak he just hyperventilated and he cried. That's not normal for a teenager. What must he have been through for something as simple as Christmas tree hunting to be so terrifying?

He's in the kitchen now, with Soda and mom. Soda was able to coax him into helping him and mom with the Christmas cookies. That always used to be Pony's favorite thing. Soda's really great with him. He really is.

I peaked around the corner. Mom and Soda were rolling out dough. Pony had a paintbrush in his good hand. He was painting a sort of glaze on the cookies. They looked awful pretty, like art. I didn't know he was that talented. At least he was placitated.

Soda was singing out loudly. "Joy to the world the teacher's dead. We barbequed his head. What happened to the body…?"

"Sodapop Patrick!"

I watched as Pony flinched and stiffened. His face went pale. Mom walked over and put a hand on his shoulder. "It's okay Pony. I'm not going to hit him. Soda was just being rude. I'm not very mad. "Pony eased slightly.

Soda flashed him a grin. "I got a better song. Wanna sing Pony?"

Pony did nothing.

"Glory glory halleluiah, teacher slapped me with a ruler….."

Mom grunted.

To my utter shock and amusement Pony's mouth twitched. It was if he wanted to smile but couldn't bring himself to.

I walked in. "So I met her at the door with a loaded forty-four…."

"And she aint my teacher no more." It got quiet. It was the most any of us had heard from Pony. He slinked back a little. I think he was afraid. But Pony he had sung... He had acted like a normal kid. He had seemed happy if only for a moment. There could have been no better present.

Mom hugged his neck and he stiffened. "Oh honey…." I grinned at Soda. It may have been the first time we were not reprimanded for singing carol parodies.

"Where did you learn that one little buddy?"

Pony looked down. I waited but he didn't talk. I sighed. We were always one step forward and two steps back with this kid…..

**I am sorry this is so short but there is a method to my madness. Besides I owed my wonderful readers an update. Thank you for your support.**

**Oh the songs are from my brother. He taught them to me when I was a kid. I figure they might have been popular back then too.**


	37. Christmas Part Two

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

The Christmas lights made the tree look awfully pretty. I don't think I can remember ever seeing one up close before. Father… Davenport, he never cared for them. I was transfixed. Most of the ornaments were half broken or dusted, all old. And still the tree was probably one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen in my life. I wish I could get out my sketch pad and draw it.

A strong hand rested on my shoulder and I flinched.

"_What are you gawking at?"_

_I didn't look up. _

"_Answer me when I talk to you boy."_

_A pair of strong arms swung me around. Father yanked my chin toward him. "I said look at me."_

_I gulped. "N...nothing father…"_

_He put a strong hand around my neck and squeezed. I gasped for air and closed my eyes._

"_Tree." I croaked. _

"_What tree?"_

_I pointed out the window. The neighbors had a big tree with lights all around it. I knew it was something to do with Christmas but I couldn't get my head around the idea._

_He squeezed harder and brought me down to my knees. I got a swift kick to the stomach. _

"_What the Christmas tree? Pathetic! You think you got presents under it? You think Santa's going to leave them there? Are do you think it's pretty, mm?"_

_I didn't answer. I just lay stiff and still. "Useless, worthless load of shit. I can't even believe why they bother. Wanna no a secret kid. Five days from now that tree will be wilted on the side of the road. All that money down the drain...."_

_Father laughed and gave me another swift kick. "Not a bad idea for a piece of garbage though..." He stroked his chin as if thinking. "Might put you on the side of the road if you don't behave."_

_I gulped. Father lifted me up. His mood, foul once more. "You need to get that pathetic head of your out of the clouds and learn to be a real man. Gawking at a Christmas tree… are you a little girl Charles, do you wear frilly dresses and play with dollies?"_

_I shook my head. "Only little girls like pretty things. Do you think the tree's pretty? Only little girlies stare at stuff like that. Are you a pansy Charles? "_

"Easy Pony..."

The hand on my shoulder softened its grip and I tore myself from the first memory I had of Christmas. I'd only been five years old. I can still remember the beating. I shivered.

I turned to face the hand's owner. My dad...

"Are you okay Pony?"

I nodded my head. "You can open your presents after dinner. The rest of the family is waiting on you. Your mother worked hard on it. I'd hate to disappoint them. They can't be mad at me. They can't be mad at me. They can't……

"Come on buddy. Dinner's going to get cold." I nodded. I can't let it get cold. Mom will get mad. If I ruin their dinner…. I bit my lip. I didn't want to cause trouble. Who knows what could happen…….

**DARRY**

Pony hadn't been vocal since his little singing outburst last night. He was pale and shaking as he was eating. He should be enjoying the food. This is some of mom's best work. He should be laughing with the rest of us. He should be smiling. But he just…. It's like he's just going through the motions. It's not right. It's just not right.

I've been wondering lately what things would be like, if they were different. What would Pony be like if he had never been kidnapped? Would he have been happy? Would he be energetic like Soda or more like me?

If only I had not have been sick that day. Mom would have been with him and he would have been with us all this time. He would be laughing, enjoying his supper instead of picking at his plate…..

**Ponyboy**

I'd lost my appetite and I was sorry. The food was good, great even; but I didn't feel like eating. Everybody else was laughing, chattering away but as usual I was quiet.

I never know what to say. I don't like to talk to begin with... You never know what will get you in trouble. But I feel so out of place here. What kind of person am I to feel like a stranger in what is supposed to be my own family?

I'd felt fin looking at the Christmas tree. But then the memories hit and boom, I was back where I started. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever fit in, will I ever be comfortable happy here. Most of the time I don't even know what happy is.

* * * * * * * * *

**Soda**

Mom smiled and handed Pony the first gift. He looked up at her, his cheeks blushing. He looked down at the gift and just sort of touched it. He looked back up. Mom sat down beside him. "You can open it Pony. Go ahead. You don't have to ask."

I looked at Darry and dad. Dad had his face tightly drawn and Darry resembled him completely. How can he have ask to open a present? I felt angry wondering if my brother had ever been given a present before now.

Mom gave his good arm a reassuring squeeze, feather light. "Do you need help opening it?"

Pony just stared at the gift for a moment. He looked at his casted arm and nodded. She smiled softly and pushed his hair back. Pony stiffened and mom sighed.

She touched his hand. "Let's see what you got, hmmm?"

He nodded softly and her hand grazed his. She opened it softly to reveal a white box. Pony slid the lid off. It was a brilliant green sweater, hand knitted. My mom is a wonder. Pony touched it softly. His lips twitched and he looked like he was going to cry.

"I hope you like it. I thought the green would look wonderful with those beautiful green eyes of yours."

Pony blushed and let out a sob, all because of a sweater. Mom made them for us every year.

Sobs racked Pony's body. Mom held him close. He stiffened as she rocked him. "SSHHH."

She kissed his hair. "I love you, it's the least I could do for you. You should have had a million Christmases with us, a thousand presents."

Pony clutched the sweater. He bit his lip. "Thank you… mom."

Mom's eyes watered. I don't think he realized it but we none of us could have given her a better present.

**I hope this is good. I try to understand what it is like to be so emotionally and mentally wounded but it is hard to do. I hope I did it justice.**


	38. Trepidation

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

"You sure you don't want me to take you boys?" Darry smiled at his dad.

'You've got work. I'm taking them. The guys are meeting us there. They'll be fine. "

"I don't know….."

"Mom I've got this. Besides the last thing Pony needs is people ragging him for one of you taking him to school. Soda or one of the guys will get him to every class. And as for getting in and out of the school. Between the six of us I think we can keep those reporters off of Pony. We'll have Dal with us and he might as well be a Rottweiler."

"Darrel!"

"Well he is right dear."

Margaret huffed. She always had a soft spot for Dallas Winston.

Soda walked in the room. "Pony's in his room. I don't think he wants to go to school today."

The room got quiet. "Did you try talking to him?"

Soda shrugged at his brother. "He has a couple classes with me. He knows I hate school."

Darry rolled his eyes. "I'll talk to him."

Darrel shook his head. "Let me."

"Dad…" Nobody had to say it. Ponyboy was half scared of their father.

Darrel Sr put his hand up to silence his son. "I'll talk to him."

He heaved a sigh and walked into the back of the house. He knocked on Pony's door. "Ponyboy can I come in?"

There was no answer. Darrel sighed. He jiggled the handle. It was unlocked. He walked in. Ponyboy sat on the bed Darrel had made clutching his arm. Darrel gave his son a concerned look. "Is your arm hitting?"

Ponyboy jumped, startled. He stared down at it and shook his head.

"Can I have a seat?" Darrel indicated the bed. When Ponyboy said nothing, Darrel sat on down. He sighed. "Soda says you're really good in school, that you're really smart. You've been a big hel to him in math."

Pony bit his lip. You always were smart you know. You started reading when you were just two. And you were so inquisitive. But this has nothing to do with that does it?"

Again Ponyboy said nothing. Darrel closed his eyes for a moment. His son should not be scared of him. His son should not have to live so anxious and full of fear. His son should be happy not, not this….

"You're scared to go because of the people, they make you anxious don't they." Ponyboy looked up. Was it that obvious?

"I thought so. You can't hide from the world forever. I know your scared and you have good reason. And people are going to bombard you today. There will probably be press there. The guys are gonna try to help you there. I know the boys are intimidating but they would never hurt you. Dallas is a little scary but your Soda and Darry's brother. That holds a lot of credit with him. Do you understand?"

How could he though? Trust was something Ponyboy had never learned to have. Nobody had ever given him reason too. For the moment this family was being great to him but surely that would change, The second they realized how hopeless he was they'd turn on him.

Darrel bit his lip again. He hated this, he really hated this. "You know, you always were shy kiddo. That's part of you that's always been there."

Ponyboy looked up. Darrel flashed him a smile. "Go on now get ready…………………….

**Sorry for the wait. Lots going on right now. **


	39. School Stress

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

There was a crowd outside the school. I guess we should have expected this but I don't think I expected it to be like this. Pony slid down in the seat next to me and his face was awfully pail. There were a whole bunch of reporters.

"Don't like crowds very much do you kid?" Two-Bit joked.

Pony bit his lip. Two-Bit's a nice enough guy but he has the sensitivity of a tack sometimes.

I yawned. "Come on kiddo. It won't be so bad. Same old classes as always." Pony still looked down. He hates being around people. I knew that even before I knew he was my brother. What he must have been through…..

"Alright everyone out."

The halls buzzed and breathed with loud sounds that I could not discern from distinction. I did not want to be here. Too many people, too many people. A few guys walked up. They were the group that beat me up my first day. I cast my eyes down. My stomach was doing flip-flops in my gut. What were they going to do? I bit my lip.

Soda stepped in front of me and Steve flanked the other side. Dallas grunted. "We don't want any trouble Shepherd." I'd never heard Soda's voice so, so demanding. It scared me.

"I aint here to cause trouble. Tim was curious."

"About?"

"The kid, he really you're bother."

"So what if he is." Dallas grunted again.

My shoulder's where shaking. I wished they would stop.

I looked up briefly. Curly looked at me. "Sorry kid. I aint got no problem with ya. Truths." I shrugged as the Shepherd kid walked off with his, for lack of a better word, flunkies.

Soda turned around. "Don't worry. Curly won't be bothering you again. He likes to act all big and bad but he's really a chicken. Besides I don't think old Tim would be to happy if Curly messed with ya. He'd catch it from Darry."

I nodded. Darry seems nice enough, I guess,; but I am still half scared of him. Old habits die hard.

The bell rang. Soda put a hand on my shoulder. I stiffened. _"Relax. Soda wouldn't hurt you. He wouldn't hurt you. He wouldn't hurt you. He wouldn't hurt you….."_

"You ready for math class?"

I shrugged, not really. "I hate it too."

**Soda**

Ponyboy sat next to me and fiddled with his shirt. I gave him a reassuring smile. I don't think he's doing so hot. "Man kiddo, usually I'm the one dreading this class." Pony tried to give me a reassuring grin. I heard some people around the room talking. Pony frowned again.

"You okay kiddo?" he didn't answer. I sighed as Ms. Bell walked in the room. She cleared her throat. The class grew silent. She's kind of a scary old broad. Two-Bit had her last year and he reckons she might really be a witch or something. I don't doubt it.

She eyed us. "Well, well Mr. Curtis I do hope your new found identity does not hinder you in your studies. I make no exceptions or leniency in my grading despite what distractions you may find yourself having."

That morning had set the tone for the rest of the day. People crowded Ponyboy, to ask questions. Some people, like some socs, came to mock him. They said stuff I don't want to think of; like how he was trash and should have been thrown out anyways. Some remarked on how he was poor now.

A few kids even called him a freak. People thought my brother was a freak when he was Charlie, him being so antisocial. By the end of the day he was a total wreck. It didn't help matters much that the reporters were around every square inch of the building. The guys and I could only do so much.

By the end of the day Pony was a nervous wreck. He was on the verge of a breakdown. And to tell the truth I was scared. He was crying and shaking. He wouldn't let any of us near him, not within a foot. I was pretty sure he wouldn't be coaxed into going to school again.

His arm was killing him that was clear. I could tell by the way he scrunched his face and ground his teeth. School and these reporters were hounding him to no end. And to top it all off the trial was in a few weeks. I was scared to death about what this would do to Pony. Things are back enough now as it is.


	40. Bang Bang

**I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_**. **

_I moaned. Davenport laughed. "Didn't even holler. You're finally getting g some bullocks." He motioned for one of his 'associates' to come forward. I groaned inwardly and shook. It was Leroy._

"_Let him go out for business with you for being such a good boy. Give him some of the junk. Show its good stuff. Then if one of the ladies wants him for the night…" he laughed. I shivered. Father had used me in all of his business ventures except one and it was one I wanted the least part in. I'm just a kid._

_He pulled me up and lifted my chin so my eyes met his. I looked down and recoiled. Father laughed again. "You know if you learn to behave yourself you might live to be a handsome man someday."_

_When I didn't answer he slapped me. "You stupid, stupid good for nothing… I gave you a complement." His grip on my shoulder grew tighter. "Now what to do you say."_

_I looked down and closed my eyes. "Thank you father." I said softly._

_He smiled and loosened his grip. He patted me on the shoulder and messed up my hair. "That's my boy." He then gave me a hug. At least he was in a good mood now. But I was dreading going to work for him. I'm just a little kid, just a kid. I can't… I.. not yet. Not with a grown women. I tried not to cry. I was scared._

I woke up in a cold sweat, panting. My arm was on fire and my heart was racing. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. While sleep had never came easy to me before, now it seemed I was lucky if I got an hours sleep.

I sat up and grabbed my arm. Mom came walking in. She sat on the bed. "Is your arm hurting dear? I can get you some aspirin." I winced. Not just because of the pain, I can deal with that. Richard was right. I am a wimp….y

I nodded meekly. She smiled at me and left the room. I don't deserve her. I'll never be that little boy she lost. I've tried to trust them. I've tried to love them. I do love them. But I just can't… I can't be the son, the brother they want me to be.

The day mama…. Tonya took me, he died. Its becoming clearer.

I don't know what to say when people come up to me at school. They ask if I missed my family. They ask if I was scared. I don't know. I just don't know. I'm one messed up piece of work.

"Here you go sweetie." I took the pills from her hand not wanting to meet her eyes. What kind of sicko is terrified of their own mother?

I swallowed them in one gulp, no need for the water she brought. If there is one thing Davenport taught me it was how to pop pills.

Mom lingered at the doorway as if waiting for something. She heaved a sigh and then walked away. I must be such a disappointment.

Soda walked in right after her. He was all smiles and grins. I don't deserve to have him for a brother any more then Charlie deserved to have him for a friend. And the truth is half the time I am not sure which one I am. Ponyboy Curtis died when he was eight years old but Charles Davenport never even existed…..

**Soda**

Ponyboy was clutching his arm. I flopped on the bed. "Mom give you something for the pain?" He nodded. I closed my eyes for a second before grinning at him. _"Put on a happy face. He needs you to be calm, calm and happy."_

"You know if you keep frowning like that it's going to stick." Pony didn't respond. We were making so much progress with him. He was almost sort of happy for a while. Now ever since he's gone back to school it seems like Pony is more lost than ever. It scares me.

"The rodeo's today. The guys and I were talking about going. You want to come with.."

Ponyboy just stared into space. I kind of remember him being dreamy as a little kid but never like this… "Say Pony?"

Ponyboy shook his head. I sighed. "I can stay here if you like. I'm sure we can get into plenty of mischief around the house."

Again the head shake. I forgot. Pony, he's too afraid to step a toe out of line. I yawned. "If you're sure……"

He nodded and I left the room.

* * *

Two weeks, four days, two weeks four days, ten hours, two weeks, four days, ten hours and thirty two minutes until the trial. I'm not dumb, I know that. I don't know how I am going to handle that.

I'm a wreck as it is. If I can't face the people who are actually trying to help me, if I can't even be in their presence, how can I face him? What if he gets off? What if he tried to kill me? What if he hurts them…

I know I'm being irrational. There are bailiffs, guards. He won't be able to get to me. But you don't need any weapons to hurt someone…

_USELESS_

_WORTHLESS_

_TRASH_

_WHIMP_

_SHITHEAD_

_BABY_

_PATHETIC_

_NOBODY LOVES YOU_

I close my eyes tightly. If the mere thought of the man can make me this insane, what will seeing him do? I shudder.

_I curled into a ball and rocked. Father was angry, so angry. "Pathetic, worthless…" He gave me a kick. "You are a nothing. You hear me. You are a stupid, lazy, useless piece of crap. You know it kid. Aint nobody love you and aint nobody going to love you."_

_He picked me up by my shirt and hauled me to my feet. I could feel his breath hot and sticky on my face. "You little shit. You lousy piece of trash. He held me up and slapped me. Then he took his fist to my jaw. Tear fell down my face. _

_Father laughed bitterly. He dropped me. He kicked my side. "Your pathetic, you little snot. Can't even take a hit without crying. Are you a baby Charles? Are you a little dipper monger. Do you need me to wipe your crap up? Do you need a baba?" I shivered._

I remember the night he shot me. I was scared. I didn't want to die. I was always scared he'd go to far and kill me. I was scared I would starve to death or overdose. I was scared one of the 'customers' would get angry with me or or…

But there were other times. Sometimes I used to pray death would come. I wanted it to comer swiftly and quick. Death is easy, living is hard. I wanted the pain to end. I am still waiting for it to end.

Waiting for it to end… Wait a second. Why can't it? Why can't it end for me, for the family who is still morning the child who never really came back? I should do it before I can taint any more his memory.

But how…..

And then it comes to me. I remember something dad told me when we went and got the tree.

"_We go hunting up here. I was going to take you when you turned seven. It's sort of a Curtis tradition. I was going to get you a rifle. Your brothers both have them. We hunt and we fish, sleep under the stars….."_

The gun. I've been shot before. Its painful but pain, I know it well. Maybe I deserve pain. I couldn't have walked out of that hospital by myself. All I do, all I have done was cause this poor family pain. It could be over. They would mourn but they would be okay someday. And free I would be free. Finally free….

I sighed. I was shivering, not sure if this was a good idea. _"Better do it while you still have the guts you little worm,"_ Davenport, I knew his voice well. I tiptoed into my parent's room and walked into the closet. It was in reach even with one hand. It was loaded. I gulped.

My good arm was shaking. _"They will miss you. Don't do this to them."_

"_They deserve better. Let them have peace. Let you all have peace"_

I propped the gun between my knees and latched onto the trigger. An Edgar Allen Poe poem came to mind. I whispered it silently in my head.

_Come little children I'll take thee away, into a land of enchantment. Come little children  
the time's come to play here in my garden of Shadows. Follow sweet children I'll show thee the way through all the pain and the sorrows. Weep not poor children for life is this way murdering beauty and passions. Hush now dear children it must be this way to weary of life and deceptions. Rest now my children for soon we'll away into the calm and the quiet . Come little children I'll take thee away, into a land of Enchantment Come little children the time's come to play here in my garden of Shadows_

_**BANG!**_

**Wow that is one of the most intense chapters I have written in a long time. I have been busy with exams. They are over now but I am still in after shock. My writing initiative has been down. This idea has been swimming in my head since the story's conception and I hope I have done it justice. **

**Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and Happy Kwanza. May God bless you and yours through this holiday season and the upcoming year. I hope to see a lot of great writing come 2010. We all get better with time, like many great drinks I am sure some of you will be indulging in. **

**To my loyal readers your reviews are like gifts. Know that with them it is like Christmas all year long. **


	41. The Shot Heard Around the World

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_**. **

_I remember the night he shot me. I was scared. I didn't want to die. I was always scared he'd go too far and kill me. I was scared I would starve to death or overdose. I was scared one of the 'customers' would get angry with me or or…_

_But there were other times. Sometimes I used to pray death would come. I wanted it to comer swiftly and quick. Death is easy, living is hard. I wanted the pain to end. I am still waiting for it to end._

_Waiting for it to end… Wait a second. Why can't it? Why can't it end for me, for the family who is still morning the child who never really came back? I should do it before I can taint any more his memory._

_But how….._

_And then it comes to me. I remember something dad told me when we went and got the tree._

"_We go hunting up here. I was going to take you when you turned seven. It's sort of a Curtis tradition. I was going to get you a rifle. Your brothers both have them. We hunt and we fish, sleep under the stars….."_

_The gun. I've been shot before. It's painful but pain, I know it well. Maybe I deserve pain. I couldn't have walked out of that hospital by myself. All I do, all I have done was cause this poor family pain. It could be over. They would mourn but they would be okay someday. And free I would be free. Finally free…._

_I sighed. I was shivering, not sure if this was a good idea. __"Better do it while you still have the guts you little worm,"__ Davenport, I knew his voice well. I tiptoed into my parent's room and walked into the closet. It was in reach even with one hand. It was loaded. I gulped._

_My good arm was shaking. __"They will miss you. Don't do this to them."_

"_They deserve better. Let them have peace. Let you all have peace"_

_I propped the gun between my knees and latched onto the trigger._

* * *

Margaret took the knife and brought it down on the potatoes. Chop, Chop, Chop! Slowly the home fries were taking shape. She sighed. The boys wouldn't be home for another hour. Still, better get the food done. They ate more than their fair share. And Darrel was in the garage. He would want to eat right away.

The house was quiet with the boys gone. The only sound was her sauntering about in the kitchen. Ponyboy was in his room reading, ever silent. Margaret was sure he never said more than a sentence in a day, if that. _"He's retreating more into himself."_

Maybe it had been too soon to send him back to school. He was already an emotional wreck. She sighed. She just wanted her little boy to be happy. But of course, that was hardly the case these days. Margaret's heart wept for her son. He was, he was so hurt, so fragile.

_Soda flashed Pony a grin. "I got a better song. Wanna sing Pony?"_

_Pony did nothing._

"_Glory glory halleluiah, teacher slapped me with a ruler….."_

_Margaret grunted._

_Pony's mouth twitched. It was if he wanted to smile but couldn't bring himself to._

_Darry walked in. "So I met her at the door with a loaded forty-four…."_

"_And she aint my teacher no more." It got quiet. It was the most any of us had heard from Pony. He slinked back a little. I it was the first time Pony had acted like a normal teenager. He had acted like a normal kid. He had seemed happy if only for a moment. There could have been no better present._

_Margaret hugged his neck and he stiffened. "Oh honey…." _

She wished her son could have more moments like that. He deserved to be happy. Shrugging Margaret went back to her home fires. The house still quiet and then

**BANG!**

Her heart sank into her stomach. It skipped a beat. _"NO!"_

She was running towards her bedroom before her brain even could register her feet moving.

She felt bile rising in her throat. Margaret screamed. Blood everywhere, Pony half sprawled by the bed, slumped over. She ran to him, doing her best not to register the gun beside her sun.

"Oh God, oh no. Please…"

"**Darrell!" **She brought her son to her lap. **"DARREL!"**

"Oh Pony, Pony, honey?" He was breathing barley.

Darrel came rushing in. He looked at his wife grinning. His grin faded. The gunshot he thought he imagined was real.

He rushed to his wife's side. "Call the hospital." He said taking their son from her. There was blood on her hands he noticed. It didn't belong to his wife.

She ran and Darrel laid his son's head in his lap. Nightmarish images of the haunting dreams of old came to mind. Pony in a ditch, Pony hacked to pieces, little Pony in a bottom of a river. He gulped. In all his morbid fantasies he had never seen that.

Darrel felt for a pulse. Pony was alive, barley. _"He's bleeding a lot." _Darrel gulped. _"Too Much."_ Darrel took his shirt off and pressed it to his son's chest. "Come on Pony. Come on buddy."

He was so still…..

In the back of his mind Darrel barley acknowledged his wife's quiet sobbing. He flinched. The ambulance would never make it in time. He would have to take his son. "Don't die on me little buddy. Don't you die on me. "

He cradled his son's limp and bloody body in his arms as he rushed to the truck. Margaret was at her husband's heels. "Stay here, wait for the ambulance. "

She nodded sobbing. Darrel slipped his son in and hopped on the truck. He let his son's head rest in his lap. He drove off.

"Daddy's here Ponyboy, Daddy's here." Darrel let out a haggard sob. With one free hand he rubbed his son's hair. "Please, please buddy. You have to live. You have to live honey."

_He rocked on his feet. His impatience was eating at him. Why couldn't he go into the birthing room? Darrel looked over his shoulder. His two little boys had fallen asleep in a hospital chair. Soda was curled up to Darry, so cute. They'd have a new little one to join them soon._

"_Curtis?" Darrel turned back around. A nurse was waiting for him. She was smiling. "Congratulations, you have brand new baby boy." She said it like he was a car. Darrel smirked. _

"_Is, is he okay?" it had not even been but barley eight months."_

"_He's small and his lungs are not fully developed. But we think he's going to make it. We have him in the NICU. He's on oxygen and we are feeding him intravenously so he can stay in the incubator. If he remains stable he should be nursing next week."_

_Darrel nodded "And his mother?"_

"_Tired, but resting." Darrel smiled in spite of himself. _

_The nurse looked over his shoulders. "Mrs. Curtis is asleep now but if you want to meet your son I can have an orderly watch the little ones for you."_

"_Thank you"_

…………………………_._

_His son was tiny. Darrel could fit his wedding ring around his little wrist. He put his hand in the incubator and touched his little son's tiny hand with his finger. The baby meowed and grabbed for his father's pinky._

_Darrel smiled. "You have to fight little guy. We got a lot of good years ahead of us. I love you little baby. You have to fight…………………………._

* * * * * * * * * *

Darrel rested his head in his hands. He was not sure how long he had been there. It could have been five minutes. It could have been five hours. Time escaped him. His brain felt numb and his heart ached.

He was hardly aware of Margaret's quiet sobbing or his eldest son's pacing. He could not recall when his wife and sons had arrived but whatever part of him that acknowledged their presence was grateful for it. He did not trust himself to be alone with his thoughts.

_Darrel lifted a heavy box and put it on the conveyer belt. "__**Darrel Curtis to the main office. Darrel Curtis to the main office immediately."**__ His heart lurched. He prayed he wouldn't get fired. We needed the money._

_Darrel got out of my jumpsuit and headed to the office. I was sweating something fierce and it wasn't just because the building was hot._

_My boss's secretary was waiting on me. "Your wife is on the line Mr. Curtis. She says it's a family emergency."_

_His heart raced now and he felt scared. Was she hurt, one of the boys. Darrel could not lose another son. He just could not handle that._

_He picked up the receiver. "Maggie?" Darrel could hear muffled sobs on the other line. No, No.. Please…._

"_Maggie, honey are you okay? What's wrong?"_

"_Darrel…"_

"_Come on honey. Maggie what is it?"_

"_They found him. They found him."_

_Darrel gasped. His boy, his little boy. Flashbacks ran through his mind. Gruesome pictures, gruesome evidence. "Are they sure?"_

_He could almost see her nodding. "Yes. Oh Darrel. He, he's alive.."_

Darrel closed his eyes. It had been the star of the end, finding his son. He could not believe he had found his youngest son just to lose him now. It wasn't right, it wasn't fair. _"Pony…"_

Darrel had prepared for years to find his son was dead. It was regrettable, yes, but it was a fact of life. Now to find his son alive only to…..

He could still feel the blood on his hands, even though the nurses cleaned him up. Blood, his son's blood. Darrel shuttered. Margaret rested her head on her shoulder. He had no comfort to give her.

"Family of Ponyboy Curtis." Darrel stood up to face a grim looking doctor. His face was flushed and his eyes cold. He wore a frown. But it was the cloths, the cloths that got him. His scrubs were soaked with blood. Oh glory, blood. His scrubs were covered with Ponyboy's blood. His baby……..

"Are you the father?"

"Yes." Darrel put an arm around his wife.

"And you're the mother." She nodded shaking and sobbing.

The doctor sighed and closed his eyes…..


	42. Respirations

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

Follow sweet children I'll show thee the way through all the pain and the sorrows.

Weep not poor children for life is this way murdering beauty and passions.

Hush now dear children it must be this way to weary of life and deceptions.

"_Family of Ponyboy Curtis." Darrel stood up to face a grim looking doctor. His face was flushed and his eyes cold. He wore a frown. But it was the cloths, the cloths that got him. His scrubs were soaked with blood. Oh glory, blood. His scrubs were covered with Ponyboy's blood. His baby…….._

"_Are you the father?"_

"_Yes." Darrel put an arm around his wife._

"_And you're the mother." She nodded shaking and sobbing._

_The doctor sighed and closed his eyes….._

"My son, how is my son?" Margaret choked out. Darrel squeezed his wife's shoulder. He could feel Darry and Soda's presences as they moved closer as well.

"First of all I'm Doctor Stanford. I was your son's surgeon tonight."

"_Was?"_ Darrel felt sick.

"As you know he came in some time ago with a gunshot wound to the chest. Upon further examination we found that it had indeed penetrated the chest cavity."

There was sobbing in the background. "This led to a fluid buildup in the chest and vast external and internal bleeding. A chest tube was inserted and we attempted to cauterize the bleeding. However upon attempt to remove the bullet….

"No, no, no" Margaret fell to her knees. The doctor continued unempathetically as Sodapop Curtis bent down to wrap his arms around his mother, his eyes reddening.

"…… the bleeding intensified. We had to suction out the chest cavity once more and remove part of his left lung. The tissue had died away. Gangrene would have sat in. We cauterized the rest. We went through twenty units of blood during through the surgery. As of now he is being monitored in the ICU. We have respirator breathing for him at the moment."

Darrel's heart raced one question raced through his mind. His namesake voiced it for him. "He's alive then?"

Stanford grimaced and cleared his throat. "For the moment yes, If he survives the next forty-eight hours severe complications he should be able to function normally. Although as I know smoking is more and more common in boys his age I would suggest keeping him away from cigarettes."

"Do you think he's going to make it?"

"I won't lie. These next forty eight hours are very much critical. We can monitor Ponyboy's condition but for the most part it's up to him. Right now it could go either way."

Darrel and his son's helped Margaret up. "Can we see him?"

"Only two visitors at a time."

"Thank you sir."

* * * * * * * *

The machines dwarfed his son. This was the first thought that came to Darrel Curtis's mind. It was almost physically painful to look at. Ponyboy was a pale, almost bluish color. Blood dripped from an IV next to him.

He was still, so very still. Not a trace of the twitching uneasy sleep Darrel had become accustomed to these past couple of months. _"He did this to himself. How could anyone do this to themselves? He doesn't deserve this, not this….."_

Margaret let out a gasp. "My baby…."

_**BANG!**_

_Her heart sank into her stomach. It skipped a beat. "NO!"_

_She was running towards her bedroom before her brain even could register her feet moving._

_She felt bile rising in her throat. Margaret screamed. Blood everywhere, Pony half sprawled by the bed, slumped over. She ran to him, doing her best not to register the gun beside her sun._

"_Oh God, oh no. Please…"_

"_**Darrell!" **__She brought her son to her lap. __**"DARREL!"**_

"_Oh Pony, Pony, honey?" He was breathing barley._

_Darrel came rushing in. He looked at his wife grinning. His grin faded. The gunshot he thought he imagined was real._

_He rushed to his wife's side. "Call the hospital." He said taking their son from her. There was blood on her hands he noticed. It didn't belong to his wife._

_She ran and Darrel laid his son's head in his lap._

She walked over and sat by his bed. She grabbed his good arm. "Please honey, please…. Mommy loves you. I… I know it's hard but you have to be strong. We want you here with us. Mommy, daddy, your brothers, we love you very much." She let out a chocked sob.

Darrel kissed the top of her head and looked down at his son. If he ever got his hands on Davenport he would kill the man. Eight years, eight years he had his son. Eight years of torture and abuse had driven his son to this. His boy was an emotional wreak, had tried to take his own life.

Darrel remembered the smiling face of a four year old. He remembered giggling that seemed to reach right up to inquisitive green eyes.

"_Daddy?"_

_Darrel smiled at his son as they sat on the truck bed. "Yeha buddy?"_

"_How many stars are there?"_

"_About a million gazillion." _

_Ponyboy laughed. "That's not a word silly."_

"_Are you sure?"_

_Ponyboy nodded his little face very solemn. _

_Darrel reached over and tickled his son on the chin; then the chest and sides. Ponyboy doubled over with laughter. "Daddy," he laughed. "Daddy."_

The scene changed.

_Ponyboy grew still. Blood was dripping out of his tiny body. His eyes stared blankly. He was crying. "Daddy, Daddy"_

"_I'm right here honey. Daddy's here."_

"_Why'd you let him take me daddy? Why did you let him hurt me?" Blood dribbled from his mouth and his eyes teared up. _

"_Ponyboy…"_

"_He hurt me daddy. I called and called but you never came. I was so scared. You never came."_

Darrel put his head in his hands. He lifted it and vomited straight into the trashcan. He could take anything, or so he thought. But he could not take this.


	43. Epiphany

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**the Outsiders**_

Forty-Eight hours, forty eight hours and thirty two minutes. How do you measure two days? In hours, in minutes, in sighs and cold coffee? Did you measure it in paces around the small room or the beating of the heart monitor and various machines? Maybe the drip of fluids in the iv was a better estimator.

The two days had seemed endless to the small Curtis family. Darrel and his wife had taken to shifts sleeping in a hard hospital chair, the other staying in the lounge with the elder two sons. Ponyboy Curtis was never left alone.

Darrel yawned and stretched his arms out. He smacked his lips together and gave another tired yawn. He stood up and walked to his son's bedside. He sat on the very edge of the bed and stroked his son's cheek.

"I had the dream again. You were so happy. We were playing tickle war. I know you don't remember that game…."

Darrel held his son's hand in his own. He gave it a light squeeze and tried to smile. His eyes were watering. The weight of the past couple of months bore down on his shoulders. Even Atlas could not claim such a heavy weight.

"Your brothers and I liked to tickle you. We'd tickle each other actually. You were the most ticklish of them all.." He took a deep breath. "You'd laugh until you cried. I think your cheeks would go red and you'd have the biggest smile on your face. And you'd squeal….."

Darrel bit his lip. "And so we were playing. You were so happy.. Then your brothers dissaperead. We were in this dark room. You didn't look right anymore. You were curled up and you were crying. You were bloody all over, beat up. I didn't see how you could be alive, there was so much blood…."

Darrel squinted and tried not to let the tears fall."You were so still and then your eyes opened. You stared right at me. 'Daddy, daddy why didn't you come. You never came. I hate you daddy, I hate you daddy.' And then you cried. The tears were bloody too.

" 'You were supposed to protect me daddy. Why didn't you come when I called. Don't you love me anymore? I hate you daddy. I hate you..' And then you were silent. You.. ..you died."

Darrel Curtis kissed his son's hand. "I love you so much Pony. Your mother, Soda, Darry we love you. Not a day went buy when we didn't think of you. We wanted you home with us so much. They showed me pictures of what to expect if , if we found you. I had to identify bodies. All I could think about was how you could have, could be suffering. I did not want to find you like that…. I couldn't stand the thought of any of my sons being in pain."

He sighed. "And then we found you. I want to kill him you know. I've never taken kindly to a man that raises his hand to women and children but this, this is unforgivable. Not my son, not like that. I know you felt, feel like there was no other way. But killing yourself? That's not the answer baby. I know its selfish but your family, your family needs you. We love you. We've missed having you in our lives…..

Your not a burden, you know. You make our lives better. We worry…… but that's because we love you. We love you so much. And Soda, you've been a big help there./ He's passing math. He's never passed math before. You need to get better son."

Just then the eldest Curtis boy walked in. He placed a hand on his dad's shoulder. Darrel looked up. "Hey Sport. Where's your mom?"

"She and Soda went down to the snack bar. They said they would bring you something to eat."

Darrel hurriedly wiped his eyes. "Have you eaten anything?"

"A couple of burgers at the DQ."

"Good."

"Why don't you go to the restroom and wash up. You haven't had a shower in two days."

Darrel sighed. "I…."

"I'll stay with Pony…. Don't worry dad."

Silence. "Go on dad."

Darrel hunched his shoulders and nodded. "Don't leave him."

"I won't dad." Darrel left the room.

Darry had never been a very affectionate sort of guy and he did not know what he should do. So he just settled for sitting on the edge of the bed where his father had been. "Hey kiddo." He muttered gruffly.

"Please don't die." More silence.

Darry looked up at the ceiling. "This is partially my fault you know. When you were in the hospital I was home, sick. Mom stayed home with me, the day we lost you. I never really forgave myself. I used to wonder if maybe I hadn't have been… please don't die Pony. Eight years without you was long enough." He didn't say any more.

**PONYBOY**

My mind was a hazy fog as the dream sequence came into view. But it wasn't a dream. The since of familiarity was overwhelming. I was in a child's hospital room. There was a little boy on a bed. He had red hair with brown highlights. There were even a few freckles. I knew this little boy. I had seen his picture before; first on a milk carton and then every day I was with my family. The little boy was me. Or I guess he was the happy person I used to be. Somewhere between being Ponyboy Curtis and Charles Davenport I've become someone else. Too bad that I'm not sure who that someone else is. I must be at least as crazy as the woman I used to call mother.

The little boy or me or I looked bored out of his mind. He was lonely. Somehow I knew his feelings. No I wasn't dreaming. I was remembering…. I could almost have spwrn I heard my child self's thoughts. Maybe I'm crazier then I thought. The thoughts were hazy but I heard them. It made me feel queasy.

_The hospital was scary. Everything was cold and white. The nurses kept pricking and poking me. I was pretty sure there was a monster under the bed too. The monsters always come when I don't have daddy. He's big and strong and chases them away._

_My throat was hurting and so was my tummy. I think I ate too much. Mommy never lets me do that but she was being nice on a count of I was sick. But I think the ice cream made me sicker._

_My big brother, Darry once ate a bunch and bunch of Halloween candy on a dare. He blew chunks for hours. That's what Soda calls it. Except mommy says it's not so, so oh ya polite. I think it's funny. Cept right now. I think I'm going to blow chunks and that hurts my throat worse._

How did I know that? I could not even recall anything about those first four years except that thunderstorm. How did I know about that candy. Was I getting nuttier by the minute, going insane? Or was I really, remembering. I mean the mind has a funny way of playing tricks on you.

_I was laying in bed because they wouldn't let me do nothing else. Boy was I board. At least when I'm sick at home I got stuff to do. Mommy brings me puzzles and we sit on my bed and do them together. She sings to me and we read. But mommy has to stay home with Darry and they don't have no puzzles here._

_I yawned. Just then a lady walked in. She had on a nurse's outfit but I didn't know her. She had red curly hair and big freckles. I have red hair too but mommy says when I get bigger it will be brown like Darry's. I want to be just like him cause he's big and strong and gives my piggy back rides._

I shuttered. I knew that woman very well. Tonya! My mother, the lunatic in the nuthouse. The woman who had more physiological disorders then a university text book. The woman who I had called mother, the woman who I thought to be the only person to ever love me.

And then it hit me. I realized with a cold dread that Richard Davenport, father, had not taken me. Tonya, it had been her all along. And the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. Of course, only she would be nuts enough to try this.

"_You must be Ponyboy."_

_I nodded shyly. I'm kind of scared of people even if they're real nice. Mommy says I'm shy and quiet. I think so too. If I know some one though I can talk to them. Like when I'm not sick I love to talk to my other older brother Soda. We talk and talk. He's one of my favortist persons in the entire whole world, I think._

"_I'm Nurse Tonya. You have a very pretty name Ponyboy."_

"_Thank you." I said softly. I moaned. It hurt to talk._

"_Oh and so polite too. How old are you sweetie?"_

_I held out four fingers. "But I'm gonna be five."_

"_Oh so you're going to be a big boy."_

_I nodded._

"_Oh and what a big boy you are." I smiled. I like when people tell me I'm grown up. It's no fun being littler then everyone else._

"_Are you bored Ponyboy. I'll bet you are. Did you know we have a garden It has lots of flowers and animals, and some coloring books."_

"_Really?"_

"_Oh yes. You can go there if you want. I'll take you."_

_I nodded. I wanted to see the garden. I like it lots and lots outside. Sometimes daddy takes me out at night and we look up at the stars. Daddy says there are pictures up there. He calls them this really big word that I don't know how to say._

"_I thought you might."_

_Tonya pulled out a needle. I shivered. I do not like shots one bit. They're scary and they hurt. She walked over and sat on the bed. She smiled at me warmly. "It will only hurt for a minute. This is going to make your throat feel better. I promise. We can't go to the gardens if you feel sick. It wouldn't be fun would it?"_

_I shook my head. "Good now I'm going to give you the magic medicine and then I can carry you to the garden."_

"Don't do it." I wanted to yell. "Run kid. Run." I had loved Tonya once, maybe I still did. But I knew what this once choice had done to the Curtis family, what it had done to my brothers, my parents. It had brought me to the other moment. It had brought me to the gun at my chest. It had brought me years of torture. I knew I was witnessing my kidnapping, essentially the death of Ponyboy Curtis.

_Little me, my eyes flickered open and I looked around. I didn't know where I was. I was terrified. He, I, me, well I started to squirm and cry. "Mommy, Mommy help."_

"_Sssh,", "I'm here. Mommy is here."_

_That just made me squirm more. "No, I want Mommy." My voice was horse and my throat burned. _

"_I'm here. I'm your Mommy now. Mommy loves you."_

I wondered if Tonya really believed this. She was known for being delusional. She held me tight, to tight. I could barley breath much less move. I was so scared. SO scared. I wanted my mom and dad.

"_We're home now. Your Daddy is waiting on us."_

"_No." he whined._

"_Sssh be a good boy now. Mommy loves you but you have to be good. Daddy likes order. Be a good boy for Mommy and be nice. Daddy will be nice to you if you're a good little boy."_

_I tried to move but I couldn't. "You're not Mommy." _

_She kissed me lightly and her grip grew tighter "Sssh, you don't know what your talking about. You've had a long day. Now be good." _

I had tears in my eyes. This is how it happened.

_The scene changed again. Little me backed up to the wall. Tonya came closer and I shook. . "Ssshh. it's okay."_

_I pulled his myself into a fetal position. I knew that position well. . "I wanna go home." The woman crawled over and stroked my face. I sobbed. _

"_This is home silly." The crying grew louder._

_Richard walked in and looked at me._

I felt sick. Even now he scared me

"_This little brat is still giving me a headache. Shut him up now!"_

"_Richard he's scared."_

"_I'll give the kid something to be scared about." I cried louder. Richard walked over yanked Tonya away and slapped the boy. He cried again and Richard whacked him again. Then he kicked him hard._

_Tonya cried. "Please, Richard."_

"_Shut up! You wanted a kid fine but he's got to learn to toe the line." And he gave Ponyboy another kick. "Will you be good from now on?"_

"_You listen and you listen well. You will respect your mother. No more of this I wanna go business. This is your home now. Nobody wants you anywhere else. Your parents sure don't want you. But Tonya does and why that is I don't know. Now I might consider wanting you but if you keep this up I don't think I will. And trust me kid you don't want me to not want you."_

_He twisted my arm.I could feel the pain. "Anymore mention of home and I'll beat the living daily lights out of you! This is your home and you will like it. "_

_Richard threw Ponyboy to the ground. "Clean him up. You can keep him." He walked out of the room. Tonya crawled over to Ponyboy who no longer stirred. He had tears streaming but made no sound._

I knew then, this is how he broke me. This is how a happy little kid with a loving family turnd into me, the useless, whiny, wimpy, worthless lunatic. I felt angry.

It was then I also knew my real family would never hurt me. I had nothing to fear from the Curtis'. I was safe there.

It had all been them, him and her. Tonya and Richard had hurt me. They turned me into the stranger I could not dissect. I had a family once .We had been happy. They had loved me, still loved me..And Tonya and Richard took me from them, them from me. I wondered how long it had taken to break me.

* * * * * * * *

It was well into the night when Margaret Curtis found her hand flinching. They were wet. She lifted it from her son's bed. Her hand, which had been actually on his face was wet. Pony had been crying.

"Pony, Pony?"

She whipped away a stray tear from his cheek. "Honey can you hear me?"

His green eyes flew open wildly and he tried to move. Margret sighed. "Easy baby. You're in the hospital. Everything's going to be okay. Everythings going to be okay…."

And for the first time in eight years Ponyboy Curtis belived this to be true.

**THIS IS NOT THE LAST CHAPTER.**

**Sorry for such a long wait. I just hadn't found the right passion I knew this chapter needed. I hope you'll find this chapter was worth the wait. **


	44. Incompetent

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**the Outsiders**_**. **

**Two Days Prior **

"_Darrel, Margaret…." The Couple looked up from their plate of hospital food. __Detective Jacobie stood there with a doctor they didn't know._

"_Hello Detective um…."_

"_This is Doctor Harvey Dowager, he's a pediatric physiatrist."_

"_Hello Doctor Dowager. "_

"_I'm sorry to interrupt your meal…."_

"_That's okay. To tell the truth neither of is very hungry."_

_Doctor Dowager grimaced. "That is perfectly understandable. In a situation like the families often find they are without appetites. "_

"_I don't mean to be rude but why are you here."_

"_I think we better take this to my office."_

_Margaret scrunched up her nose. 'Whatever it is you have to say you can say it right here. My husband and I have no qualms about speaking in public."_

_He nodded and sat down. "I am afraid that now that Ponyboy has begun to recover the hospital's policy demands he be put in the physcatric ward for the duration of seventy two hours to undergo evaluation."_

_Darrel's fists clinched. "My son is not crazy."_

"_That well may be but he attempted suicide. He obviously has unresolved issues dealing with all of this. The hospital cannot in good conscience release him without further evaluation. I know that you both love your son. We can help him…."_

_There was silence and Darrel stared at his wife. She rubbed her temple. "Seventy three hours."_

_Doctor Dowager nodded. "And then we can see about an medication or further medication and or therapy needed."_

"_My son will not be institutionalized."_

"_I am not saying that is the case Mrs. Curtis. We just wants best for Ponyboy. As I am sure you do."_

"_Of course I want what's best for my son. Eight years, eight years I have lived with the fact my son might be dead. And then I found him only to have him try and kill himself. I cannot lose him again. And I will move heaven earth if I have to. So don't you presume anything about what I want for my son."_

"_Yes ma'am."_

_Detective Jacobie frowned. "I hate to be the barrio of more bad news but I've just come back from talking with the DA"S office. They thought you'd want to hear it from me."_

'_What?" Darrel asked._

'_Davenport's attorney has found out about Ponyboy. He's made a motion to have the boy deemed mentally incompetent to take the stand. Since he's a minor this could be a very real possibility."_

'_Wouldn't it be better for Pony thought I mean seeing that man it could…." Margaret grabbed her husband's hand for support._

"_Hearing testimony from your son would be the thing that is most likely to sway the jury. A judge will come and interview Pony in two days but it doesn't look good….._

It was a silent room, white walls barred doors and windows. They kept the door locked and the walls blank. I never knew white could be so depressing but I shouldn't complain. I only brought this on myself. I made a choice to go with Tonya Davenport that day. In one childish decision I had ruined my life and my family's.

I pulled the trigger that day. And I can't honestly say I wouldn't do again. I've said it before death is peaceful, its living that's hard.

"…………_..Weep not poor children  
for life is this way murdering beauty and Passions Hush now dear children  
it must be this way to weary of life and  
Deceptions…………"_

And it seems I've only managed to make my life harder. Maybe Davenport was right on one count. I am worthless. I feel like I'm made to suffer and to make others suffer. It was sort of nice with my real family. I know now I didn't need to be afraid with them. Their only crime was loving me; maybe a little more then I deserve.

But I think it's better that I stay here. As long as I'm in this room the only one who can hurt is me. I have to relive all those memories. Death would be a welcome for me. I don't want to suffer. But worse than anything else is what I've done to my family. I want to love them so much, no I do live them. And I cannot stand the thought of hurting them anymore.

The door opened then. A man in black robes and grey hair walked in. I pulled myself into a tighter ball wincing at the pain in my arm. The c doctors here call it a defense mechanism. They could be right, I guess.

"You must be Ponyboy. I am Judge Cambridge. I'm going to ask you a few questions. Is that okay?" He was speaking softly, gently. He kept his voice calm. I may not be well adjusted but I'm not… okay so people scare me.

I shrugged. I'm not a vocal person. Talking to people makes me uneasy as it is. My mother told me even before the kidnapping I was a shy little boy. I guess the appropriate word now would be withdrawn. But I have a feeling I won't have a choice in the matter.

"I'm not your enemy Ponyboy. I just want to ask you a few questions. "

I nodded meekly. The judge took a deep breath. "Ponyboy can you tell me why you shot yourself?"

I bit my lip. "Ponyboy?"

"So it would be over."

"So what would be over?"

"Everything."

"It hasn't been easy has it Ponyboy?"

My life has been anything but. I shrugged.

"Can you tell me about it?"

I rubbed my arm. This was going to be a long interview…………

**I do apologize for not updating. My heart has not been into this story or writing in general lately. I will still be writing but I just wanted to say I am so sorry for not updating. Your reviews have been the highlight of this story and give me the will to keep going. Thank you. **


	45. Trials and Tribulations

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

_The door opened then. A man in black robes and grey hair walked in. I pulled myself into a tighter ball wincing at the pain in my arm. The c doctors here call it a defense mechanism. They could be right, I guess._

"_You must be Ponyboy. I am Judge Cambridge. I'm going to ask you a few questions. Is that okay?" He was speaking softly, gently. He kept his voice calm. I may not be well adjusted but I'm not… okay so people scare me._

_I shrugged. I'm not a vocal person. Talking to people makes me uneasy as it is. My mother told me even before the kidnapping I was a shy little boy. I guess the appropriate word now would be withdrawn. But I have a feeling I won't have a choice in the matter._

"_I'm not your enemy Ponyboy. I just want to ask you a few questions. "I nodded meekly. The judge took a deep breath. "Ponyboy can you tell me why you shot yourself?"_

_I bit my lip. "Ponyboy?"_

"_So it would be over."_

"_So what would be over?"_

"_Everything."_

"_It hasn't been easy has it Ponyboy?" My life has been anything but. I shrugged._

"_Can you tell me about it?"I rubbed my arm._

"_What you say is between the two of us. I won't tell anyone."_

_I sighed staring at my stocking feet. I winced. My arm was not having a good day._

"_Ponyboy I need you to talk to me. Do you know why I'm here?"_

_I stared at my chest. He was here because I tried to kill myself. I was more than sure everybody was about as convinced as I am about my madness._

_After a few moments of silent he judge spoke up. "Ponyboy I need to ask you these questions because the attorneys are worried you are not competent to give witness. Do you understand what this means?"_

_I licked my lips. "They think I'm crazy."_

_He sort of smiled at me guiltily and nodded. . "Do you think you are crazy Ponyboy?"_

_I ran my fingers through my hair. _

"_Ponyboy?"_

"_Yes…no…maybe… I… I don't know."_

"_You said before you just wanted everything to be over."_

_I shrugged. "Death would be easier."_

"_Easier?"_

_I didn't want to talk. I don't like talking to people. It only brings trouble. I didn't trust him. I didn't know him. But I talked to him because somehow I knew I had to. _

"_Death would be easier then remembering what he did to me, what I let him do."_

"_What that man may have done to you is not your fault Ponyboy. You are know that don't you."_

_I gulped. "it is my fault. I let her take me. That day in the hospital. I let Tonya take me."_

_He looked very sad then. "What do you mean…" And I told him what I remembered. _

A warm hand sat on my shoulder. "You look very handsome Ponyboy." I wasn't so sure. Mom would say anything to make me feel good about myself. She loves me. At least I know that now.

I looked terrible though. She had been lying through her teeth. My face was pale and gaunt. It contracted completely from Soda's old, worn dark blue-suit. My hair needed trimming. It fell into lose waves across my forehead. My arm was still casted and loaded with screws. It hurt something awful and my eyes showed it. They were bloodshot and had dark circles in them from lack of sleep. I looked terrible and I knew it.

It's not that it mattered. I wasn't looking forward to going. I hate crowds at the best of times and I knew this was going to be a madhouse. I didn't relish the fact that Richard Davenport would be there either. I didn't trust myself to be in the same room with him.

I'm scared of what I might do, what he might do. I'm scared that I'll lose whatever is left of my sanity, of the flashbacks that are sure to come.

Mom kissed my cheek. I closed my eyes. Whenever she kisses me I remember nights with women I didn't even know. It hurts that I know she loves me and I can't even take a kiss from her. It hurts that I want so much to trust her, to be her son again, and I can't bring myself to.

Today is the day that the man I once called father goes to trial. I would like to believe that once he is behind bars I can stop living in this prison he erected. But I know I have to be realistic.


	46. The Trial Part One

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**the Outsiders**_

The boys were there not long after everyone is dressed. Margaret is nervous but grateful. She is glad too many bad memories. They are going. Somehow with a bunch of thugs surrounding him the reporters would leave Ponyboy alone. Not that she thought any of 'her boys' were thugs, they were simply high strung. Although sometimes she had her doubts about Dallas Winston they were all good boys underneath it all.

She slipped on her overcoat. "Come on boys we're going to be late." Ponyboy slumped on the sofa. He looked down at his feet. Margaret frowned. If she'd had her way her son would never have to be in the same room with Richard Davenport again. But the judge had decided he was competent to go to the witness stand. Never mind the damage it would do to her son, to her family.

Her husband walked out of the bedroom fiddling with his tie he was pale faced and wore a serious expression. Neither of them liked spending anytime in the bedroom, too many bad memories, too much blood.

Darrel grimaced and then walked over to his youngest son. He had been dreading this day. He threw his wife the keys to the car. "Go ahead and get the Darry and Soda and get in the car. Have the boys head out." Margaret nodded.

Darrel sat on the sofa beside his son. He hesitantly put a hand on Ponyboy's shoulder. He never knew how his boy would react. "You okay buddy?"

Ponyboy didn't move. Darrel felt slightly nauseous then. He lightly carefully wrapped his son in a hug, being careful of his bad arm. "You know that, that man can't hurt you anymore. We'll all be there and the cops will be on duty. He can't hurt you. "

Ponyboy shook his head, and shivered. "I don't."

"You don't what buddy?"

Ponyboy sighed and looked up at his dad shaking his head again. "I don't want to think about it. I hate it" Darrel closed his eyes. "I'm tired of remembering."

Darrel rubbed soothing circles. "Tome won't make you forget kiddo, neither will not going. I know its ruff but you got to face this head on. You won't be able to move on until you do."

Ponyboy just shrugged. "I know you're scared and I am too. I'm scared that if I am aloud within ten feet of that man I will lose it." Ponyboy looked up at his dad curiously. Darrel gave his son a glum sort of smile. "It isn't very Christian of me but I want to kill that man." He gazed at his son.

"Eight years, eight years not knowing whether you were alive or dead. Eight years that you had to suffer. I've never had any patience for the man who would hurt a child but when it's one of my boys he's hurting…. It makes me angry."

Ponyboy looked down again. "What if it was my fault? What if I deserved it?"

Darrel grabbed his youngest son's chin. He stared him point blank in the eyes. "Look at me Ponyboy. Nothing you could have done made you deserve this. You are a good person and I am so proud to call you my son. Nobody deserves what you went through, nobody. And I can't think of anyone who deserved it less then you did. Now come on buddy. We need to get this over with."

Ponyboy nodded softly.

The court house was packed full. Reporters filled the steps. Sodapop gave his brother a reassuring smile. "We'll be right there." Ponyboy just shrugged.

The boys and their parents filed out of the car. Their friends were already there waiting. With a nod they sauntered over surrounding the family.

"Thank you boys."

"No problem Mrs. C, reporter bashing has always been a sport I've wanted to try."

"Shut it Two-bit. Here they come." And sure enough the reporters had spotted the enterouge and were making their way over. Ponyboy sucked in his breath and shut his eyes.

"_Not crowds, not crowds, not crowds…"_

"Easy buddy, just breathe."

"Mr. Curtis what do you say to the fact your son has been thought to be mentally incompetent?"

"Is it true that Ponyboy attempted suicide?"

"Are you nervous?"

"Are you considering putting your son in a mental hospital?"

"What is the expected outcome of the trial?"

The boys pushed their way through the crowd. "No comment." Ponyboy was hyperventilating."

"Are you taking any medication?"

"Is it true you used LCD?"

"How many times were you forced to prostit……."

Dallas Winston stepped out of the formation and flipped clinched his fist. He scowled. "I wouldn't finish that sentence if I were you."

The reporter backed off. Ponyboy was hypervenalting even worse and shaking like a leaf. _"I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here."_

"Easy buddy." Darry said pushing him on forward. "It's okay."

* * * * * * * * *

Ponyboy did not look up from his place behind the prosecutor. His whole buddy shook and his breathing came out in fast uneven gaps. His eyes were shut tight and his teeth clamped down drawing blood from his lips.

Directly beside him his father glared over at the defense table. So this was the man who had taken his happy little boy and tortured him. This was the man who had beaten him, drugged him, sold him out for… He could not bring himself to even think the words.

This was the monster that had driven his son to want to end his life. Darrel, a usually forgiving man, wanted him dead. If he had his way he would be allowed to be the one to give out the punishment.

His wife was staring at her lap and then back up to her son. Her heart was breaking a little more each second. She did not want to look at the man who had taken away any chance of her son to have a normal and completely happy life.

She did not want to look at her normally happy husband radiating with anger. She just wanted this to end, all to end. She wanted a chance for her family to be free to start over. This couldn't happen until Richard Davenport was behind bars forever.

"All rise for the honorable Judge Cambridge."

Margaret helped her son to his feet. "Just for a second honey." She whispered.

"You may be seated."

"We are here today, the day of Thursday February 12th, 1966 to determine whether or not Richard Davenport aka Kevin Rockport is guilty of the charges held against him. These withstanding charges include kidnapping of a minor, attempted murder, aggravated assault of a minor, drug trafficking, trafficking of prostitution, the trafficking of the prostitution of a minor, fraud. We will hear the arguments from the prosecution. "

A man in a well pressed suit stood up. He made his way towards the jury. "Eight years ago a young man was taken from a hospital room. He was on the verge of turning five years old. Two and a half months ago Richard Davenport was found hovering over a severely beaten and malnourished teenage boy. He was holding a gun. The state of Oklahoma plans to prove without a shadow of a doubt that this man is held responsible for the years of torture and abuse that thirteen year old Ponyboy Michael Curtis experienced. Furthermore the state will prove that Davenport was involved in numerous other illegal activities. "

"Now we will hear from the defense."

Ponyboy Curtis could not look up, could not bring himself to listen. He rocked himself still breathing haggardly. Behind him his eldest brother held clinched fists.

**Darry**

I have always been about logic. I like things that are clear black and white. I don't see in shades of grey, I never have. So I find it hard to understand how any person can agree to defend Richard Davenport. I don't understand it at all.

I have never hated anyone as much as I hate that man. How could anyone even think for a moment he is innocent? That man ruined my brother's life. He destroyed any chance my brother may have had at having a happy life. He wrecked our family's life.

I looked over at Pony. He was rocking back and forth and his breathing was heavy. I've never seen him so worked up. This wasn't right.


	47. The Trial Part Two

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**the Outsiders**_

"_All rise for the honorable Judge Cambridge."_

_Margaret helped her son to his feet. "Just for a second honey." She whispered._

"_You may be seated."_

"_We are here today, the day of Thursday February 12th, 1966 to determine whether or not Richard Davenport aka Kevin Rockport is guilty of the charges held against him. These withstanding charges include kidnapping of a minor, attempted murder, aggravated assault of a minor, drug trafficking, trafficking of prostitution, the trafficking of the prostitution of a minor, fraud. We will hear the arguments from the prosecution. "_

_A man in a well pressed suit stood up. He made his way towards the jury. "Eight years ago a young man was taken from a hospital room. He was on the verge of turning five years old. Two and a half months ago Richard Davenport was found hovering over a severely beaten and malnourished teenage boy. He was holding a gun. The state of Oklahoma plans to prove without a shadow of a doubt that this man is held responsible for the years of torture and abuse that thirteen year old Ponyboy Michael Curtis experienced. Furthermore the state will prove that Davenport was involved in numerous other illegal activities. "_

"_Now we will hear from the defense."_

I've never been to a trial before. I've heard about them from books and more recently from you. But I have never actually been to one. I didn't know what to expect. To tell the truth I was scared out of my wits. Crowds make me uneasy, very uneasy. And he, he's within ten feet of me. I don't have to look, I know he's there.

My hearts beating fast and I can't get a steady breath in. I know I'm shaking like a leaf. I want to run out of the door and never look back. I want to crawl under my seat. I want to scream. I know that Richard Davenport can't hurt me; not with the bailiffs and my "bodyguards" here. Dad and my brothers, their friends; they won't let him near me. But what my mind knows is irrelevant. The rest of mine is a bundle of nerves.

I don't know what scares me more, the thought of Richard Davenport hurting me, or the thought of reliving the nightmare that was my childhood. Mom had her arm on my shoulder, the decent one not obstructed by my cast.

It's hard for me to let people show me any kind of physical affection. It should be reassuring but it's not. All I can think about is any number of beatings and poof. I lose it. I don't know if I will ever be able to have any kind of relationship or if that's ruined for me too.

"The Prosecution would like to call Ponyboy Curtis to the stand." Chuckling from the room, the juries and the spectators. My throat falls to my stomach. _"I can't do this. I can't do this."_

Dad cups my chin. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. "You'll do fine buddy." My heart is pounding and I want to lie down and die. People make me edgy, talking makes me edgy. This, this makes me so panicky I think I might die of a heart attack.

"Ponyboy Curtis." I stood up, my head's spinning. I'm dizzy and my knees wobble. I can feel **his** eye watching me. I want to cry so bad it hurts. I want to puke; I want to run. But I can't. It's like everything else in my life. I just have to sit there and take it. Curl myself into a ball, close my eyes and soon I know it will be over. They hate it when you fight back. It only makes things worse. Besides I lost my will to fight a long time ago, if I had it to begin with.

"Do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?" My hand finds its way to the bible but my throat is dry. I am sure the words won't come out. But they do as quiet as a pen drop, a whisper in a crowded room.

"I do."

"Could you please repeat that?"

Just an octave lower, louder if that "I do."

"You make take the stand." I breathe in heavily and shut my eyes. If I don't I know I will puke. I take the stand.

My knees collapse beneath me as I take a seat. My eyes avert the room and turn to the floor. I'm shaking worse now and it's all I can do to regulate my breathing.

"Where were you the night of December 11th, 1965?" I sigh... "The hospital?"

The prosecutor softens his voice. "Ponyboy can you please speak a little louder."

"I was in the hospital;"

"And why was that?"

_**Flash**_

_I curled into a ball and rocked. Father was angry, so angry. "Pathetic, worthless…" He gave me a kick. "You are a nothing. You hear me. You are a stupid, lazy, useless piece of crap. You know it kid. Aint nobody love you and aint nobody going to love you."_

_He picked me up by my shirt and hauled me to my feet. I could feel his breath hot and sticky on my face. "You little shit. You lousy piece of trash. He held me up and slapped me. Then he took his fist to my jaw. Tear fell down my face. _

_Father laughed bitterly. He dropped me. He kicked my side. "Your pathetic, you little snot. Can't even take a hit without crying. Are you a baby Charles? Are you a little dipper monger? Do you need me to wipe your crap up? Do you need a baba?" I shivered._

**Flash**

_My head aches and I just want to die. Please father give me some more stuff. I hate it but I need it. Please father. "Father..." I croak. He just opens the closet door and laughs._

"_Withdrawal is heck aint it kid." He taunts. I am sobbing harder now. _

_I'm soaked in blood and urine and vomit. I want to die. Please father let me die. "Fa.. Father.." he laughs and give me a kick. _

"_You're weak kid. You've done this before. You better learn to handle it kid. Be a man." He grabs rope and ties my feet and arms together. I'm shaking. He knows I want to beg. He shuts the door. I'm alone again. I just want to die._

**Flash**

_My eyes are so swollen I can barley open them. My body aches and I sob. Father has never beaten me so bad before. I can't catch my breath. I shake and shake. My sobs grow louder._

"_I am sick and tired of you your crap. You pathetic, worthless piece of shit. There's a ban. I didn't even see the gun but as soon as I heard the bang and felt the bullet I knew. I just knew I was going to die. I didn't want to die. I was terrified and yet…._

**Flash**

"_This little brat is still giving me a headache. Shut him up now!"_

"_Richard he's scared."_

"_I'll give the kid something to be scared about." I cried louder. Richard walked over yanked Tonya away and slapped the boy. He cried again and Richard whacked him again. Then he kicked him hard._

_Tonya cried. "Please, Richard."_

"_Shut up! You wanted a kid fine but he's got to learn to toe the line." And he gave me another kick. "Will you be good from now on?"_

"_You listen and you listen well. You will respect your mother. No more of this I wanna go business. This is your home now. Nobody wants you anywhere else. Your parents sure don't want you. But Tonya does and why that is I don't know. Now I might consider wanting you but if you keep this up I don't think I will. And trust me kid you don't want me to not want you."_

_He twisted my arm. I could feel the pain. "Anymore mention of home and I'll beat the living daily lights out of you! This is your home and you will like it. "_

_Richard threw me to the ground. "Clean him up. You can keep him." He walked out of the room. Tonya crawled over to me who no longer stirred. He had tears streaming but made no sound._

"I was shot."

"By who?"

I looked up for the first time in two months at Richard Davenport. My answer caught in my throat and I couldn't' breathe, I couldn't move. My eyes were fixed at him. He scowled at me and I started to sob. _"Don't hurt me, don't hurt me."_

"Ah, ah." Nothing audible came out.

_**Flash**_

_The closet is dark, damp. There are spiders all around in the cobwebs. I can't catch my breath. Father has broken my ribs. I can still hear his voice ringing in my head. "You disrespectful little piss pod. Stupid little runt. What have I told you about talking when I told you not to? A rat would have learned his lesson by now." I could feel the hot fire poker in my side even though it had been over an hour ago. All I had done was asked where mother was._

"Ponyboy?"

My hand shook and I pointed at the man I had once called father. I was sobbing now. He was mad, he was going to get madder.

"Could you name the person?"

My breathing became faster and vertigo was setting in. "Da…Da..Daven..pa..pa Davenport. I vomited. There was a gasp from the jury and spectators. MY vision swirled before me and I collapsed.


	48. The Trial Part Three

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

A soft hand brushed against my hair. I blinked opening. Mom smiled wearily. "You scared me honey."

I groaned, taking a deep breath; it was much easier than before.

"You had an anxiety attack at the trial sweetheart. You're in the judge's chambers. "

I licked my lips trying to remember.

"_Do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?" My hand finds its way to the bible but my throat is dry. I am sure the words won't come out. But they do as quiet as a pen drop, a whisper in a crowded room._

"_I do."_

"_Could you please repeat that?"_

_Just an octave lower, louder if that "I do."_

"_You make take the stand." I breathe in heavily and shut my eyes. If I don't I know I will puke. I take the stand._

_My knees collapse beneath me as I take a seat. My eyes avert the room and turn to the floor. I'm shaking worse now and it's all I can do to regulate my breathing._

"_Where were you the night of December 11th, 1965?" I sigh... "The hospital?"_

_The prosecutor softens his voice. "Ponyboy can you please speak a little louder."_

"_I was in the hospital;"_

"_And why was that?"_

"_I was shot."_

"_By who?"_

_I looked up for the first time in two months at Richard Davenport. My answer caught in my throat and I couldn't' breathe, I couldn't move. My eyes were fixed at him. He scowled at me and I started to sob. __"Don't hurt me, don't hurt me."_

"_Ah, ah." Nothing audible came out._

"_Ponyboy?"_

_My hand shook and I pointed at the man I had once called father. I was sobbing now. He was mad, he was going to get madder._

"_Could you name the person?"_

_My breathing became faster and vertigo was setting in. "Da…Da..Daven..pa..pa Davenport. I vomited. There was a gasp from the jury and spectators. MY vision swirled before me and I collapsed._

"Wha…"

"Everything's okay sweetheart." She held my hand. What had I ever done to deserve her? All I had done was hurt her.

"_You must be Ponyboy."_

_I nodded shyly. I'm kind of scared of people even if they're real nice. Mommy says I'm shy and quiet. I think so too. If I know someone though I can talk to them. Like when I'm not sick I love to talk to my other older brother Soda. We talk and talk. He's one of my favortist persons in the entire whole world, I think._

"_I'm Nurse Tonya. You have a very pretty name Ponyboy."_

"_Thank you." I said softly. I moaned. It hurt to talk._

"_Oh and so polite too. How old are you sweetie?"_

_I held out four fingers. "But I'm gonna be five."_

"_Oh so you're going to be a big boy."_

_I nodded._

"_Oh and what a big boy you are." I smiled. I like when people tell me I'm grown up. It's no fun being littler then everyone else._

"_Are you bored Ponyboy. I'll bet you are. Did you know we have a garden It has lots of flowers and animals, and some coloring books."_

"_Really?"_

"_Oh yes. You can go there if you want. I'll take you."_

_I nodded. I wanted to see the garden. I like it lots and lots outside. Sometimes daddy takes me out at night and we look up at the stars. Daddy says there are pictures up there. He calls them this really big word that I don't know how to say._

"_I thought you might."_

_Tonya pulled out a needle. I shivered. I do not like shots one bit. They're scary and they hurt. She walked over and sat on the bed. She smiled at me warmly. "It will only hurt for a minute. This is going to make your throat feel better. I promise. We can't go to the gardens if you feel sick. It wouldn't be fun would it?"_

_I shook my head. "Good now I'm going to give you the magic medicine and then I can carry you to the garden_

I wondered briefly how many anxiety attack, nightmares and sleepless nights I had caused her. I wondered how she put up with me. I didn't deserve her in the least.

I moaned. She gave me a grimace. "The trial is in recess. They want to see if you are able to testify still. You don't have to you know. You don't." She pushed my hair back, "Nobody would blame you."

I sat up slowly. My head hurt and I shuttered. Today has made things even more complicated than before. I thought things were bad until I saw Davenport again. It seemed like things were magnified all of a sudden. Memories seemed to bombard me and I was overwhelmed.

Reliving some of the very worst memories of my life, feeling the pain all over again….. I thought I was going to die. I knew I was. And now I had to add onto that, guilt. It was as if I couldn't breathe again. I wondered if any of this will ever go away….

"Hey mom how is Ponyboy?" My oldest brother stuck his head in the door.

I rubbed my head with my good arm. My head ached something awful. Too many thoughts and feelings all at once can't be good for your health.

"He's calmed down a bit."

Darry came into the door. He grimaced. "You feel any better kiddo?"

I stared down at my shoes.

"Hey mom…"

"Yes Darry?"

"Can I have a minute alone with Pony?"

"I don't know…"

I took a deep breath. "I'd like that."

Mom sort of gasped. I guess I should learn to talk more.

She kissed my forehead. "I'll be right outside dear." I nodded.

Two long legs found their way to the floor beside me. My mammoth of a brother was on his knees beside my chair. Darry is, for lack of a better word, huge. He sort of scares me. I know now that he wouldn't hurt me but I can't help but think of Davenport's lackeys. The thought of what my brother's temper and physical prowess make him capable of him frighten me.

"You scared me out of my wits kid."

I liked my lips and fingered my cast. I winced. It hurt.

"I thought you were having a heart attack. He scares you that much?"

I closed my eyes. I wasn't stupid. I knew who Darry was talking about. I could picture Richard Davenport's eyes boring into me. I shuddered. "Yeha."

"I hate him. I hate him so much but you know what kiddo?"

I turned my head to look at Darry. He gave me an awkward glance. "Sometimes I hate myself worse."

I tilted my head. "That day you were kidnapped…." He just sat straight and stiff. Darry, the rock. "It was partially my fault. I was sick too. Mom she stayed with me. If she hadn't……"

I sighed. Darry shouldn't blame himself… I went with Davenport. What was he getting at anyway?

"I had to live eight years without my little brother. I'm not so good at this big brother thing, but you know I care about you kid. I care about what happens. It scares me that Davenport has such an effect on you."

I sighed. Darry joined me. "I know it's hard for you, remembering and all but…. I think it's good for you kid. I would never want to do anything to hurt you but it helps to face your fears. Dad always tells me and Soda that if you keep ignoring something it won't go away. I know that this will never go away but I think knowing you helped put that monster behind bars might help you. When I fight in a rumble it feels real good being the one to bring down a guy who I wronged. I know you don't have to go back to that stand Ponyboy but if you don't he's still got power of you. I can't stand it for you to feel that way. You deserve to be the one to hold the aces this time, huh?"

What Darry said actually made sense. It made sense.

"_I know you don't have to go back to that stand Ponyboy but if you don't he's still got power of you. I can't stand it for you to feel that way. You deserve to be the one to hold the aces this time, huh?"_

His words echoed in my mind. My brother was right. So long as I let myself live in fear of Davenport, of those memories, I could never be happy. I had to do this. I had to for me and for my family. It was the only way I could think to get rid of the guilt and the pain. Oh they may always be there. But it would certainly help ease them.

"Tell mom I'll do it. I'm going back to the stand."

Darry grinned and stood up. He mussed up my hair. "I'm proud of you kid."

It was the first time since I was four years old that I felt like I really was Ponyboy Curtis., that Darry was my brother and not a stranger I'd found my way home at last.


	49. The Trial Part Four

_**Disclaimer- I do not own The Outsiders**_

"_You scared me out of my wits kid."_

_I liked my lips and fingered my cast. I winced. It hurt._

"_I thought you were having a heart attack. He scares you that much?"_

_I closed my eyes. I wasn't stupid. I knew who Darry was talking about. I could picture Richard Davenport's eyes boring into me. I shuddered. "Yeha."_

"_I hate him. I hate him so much but you know what kiddo?"_

_I turned my head to look at Darry. He gave me an awkward glance. "Sometimes I hate myself worse."_

_I tilted my head. "That day you were kidnapped…." He just sat straight and stiff. Darry, the rock. "It was partially my fault. I was sick too. Mom she stayed with me. If she hadn't……"_

_I sighed. Darry shouldn't blame himself… I went with Davenport. What was he getting at anyway?_

"_I had to live eight years without my little brother. I'm not so good at this big brother thing, but you know I care about you kid. I care about what happens. It scares me that Davenport has such an effect on you."_

_I sighed. Darry joined me. "I know it's hard for you, remembering and all but…. I think it's good for you kid. I would never want to do anything to hurt you but it helps to face your fears. Dad always tells me and Soda that if you keep ignoring something it won't go away. I know that this will never go away but I think knowing you helped put that monster behind bars might help you. When I fight in a rumble it feels real good being the one to bring down a guy who I wronged. I know you don't have to go back to that stand Ponyboy but if you don't he's still got power of you. I can't stand it for you to feel that way. You deserve to be the one to hold the aces this time, huh?"_

_What Darry said actually made sense. It made sense._

_His words echoed in my mind. My brother was right. So long as I let myself live in fear of Davenport, of those memories, I could never be happy. I had to do this. I had to for me and for my family. It was the only way I could think to get rid of the guilt and the pain. Oh they may always be there. But it would certainly help ease them._

"_Tell mom I'll do it. I'm going back to the stand."_

"Ponyboy can you tell the court again where you were the night of December 11th, 1965?"

"_I can do this I can do this I can do this…" _Silence. _"I can't do this."_

I lifted my eyes to look over at my family. Soda and Darry gave me and encouraging thumbs up. I sighed.

"I was in the hospital."

"Can you tell us why."

"I had been shot."

"Is that all."

"_Be strong. You have to do this. You have to do this."_

"I was also beaten."

"By who?" I did not look up. This was hard enough but I knew if I looked at Davenport I would be completely lost. I knew I couldn't do this if I saw him. I couldn't….

I licked my lips. "Richard Davenport."

"Did you perhaps do anything to provoke this? Did you attack Richard Davenport. **Did you turn on this man?"**

"_NO NO NO……." _I felt sick. I shouldn't have gone through with this….

"Objection your honor. The defense is badgering the witness."

"Objection sustained. Please follow the proper protocol."

"of course your honor.

"Very well Mr. Curtis can you please tell us what happened on the night of the eleventh.."

Could I?

_It was what I guess you could call a typical night for me. The man I called father was in one of his moods. I had been in the closet for two days, no food of which to speak. In some ways I was happy about it. Hunger pains are hard to deal with but anything that kept me away from Davenport was a blessing. _

_There are spiders on the floor. I don't mind them so much any more. Some days it seemed like they were the only friends I had. The closet was dark, damp. My stomach rumbled. I groaned. I was so hungry. I shook my head I couldn't think about that now. The closet was safe. It was safe…._

"I..I..I.."

"So you can't construct a lie…"

"Your honor…"

"You're on thin ice Mahoney…"

_The closet door was yanked open and the light blinded me. Father was yelling a string of cuss words so fast I couldn't hear them or in the very least I couldn't make them out. He wasn't in a good mood at all. I think he might have been drunk._

"_Get up!"_

_I shivered. I didn't want to. I wanted to stay in the closet. The closet was safe.___

"_**I said get up!"**_

_I still didn't move, paralyzed with fear._

_The man I called father yanked me up by my arm and literally flung me out of the closet. _

"_Get dressed you have a customer coming tonight"_

_I wondered briefly what kind of sick pervert it would be this time._

"_**I said get dressed."**_

_So… I did as I was told. I saw the 'customer' but things didn't go right. He didn't want to pay. He'd gotten at it with father. Apparently I wasn't a good ride, not a challenge. I took the blame for it._

_And father, who was already angry, was now livid. I got the beating of my life. He yanked me up by my arm and tiwisted it behind my soldier. A string of obsenaties slipped from his mouth as he kicked my feet out from under me………_

"Nothing, I did nothing."

The defense attorney scowled. He wasn't happy that he was wrong… I didn't want to think about this. I didn't want him angry. Attorneys couldn't turn on their witnesses could they?

"_You're safe Ponyboy. You're safe."_

"Can you describe what happened for the court?"

I gulped. My palms were clammy. My breathing was becoming heavier. I looked up. I saw my parents, my real flesh and blood, loved me to death parents. They smiled wearily at me.

"_You have to do this. You have to do this…. They're going to hate you for it. They're going to think you're a disgusting little pervert whore. They're not going to want to have anything to do with you. _

"_No, they wouldn't think that. They've stood by you this how time. They love you. It's not your fault. You have to do this. You need to…"_

I took a deep breath and told the prosecutor. I told him about the closet. I told him about the costumer, not waiting to hear the gaps and replies from everyone else in the room. I described the beating… ...

_He threw me back in the closet when he was done. I could barley move, barley breath. My eyes opened to slits, no further. I couldn't think straight. The door opened. Father was back. I could barely make out that he as swaying unsteadily. He was drunk again, high as a kite too. Something had changed though… _

_He had a gun. He had a gun! I was scared now. I knew I was going to get it….._

"…………….and then. He. He shot me." The defense attorney gulped. Nodded and turned away.

"No further question your honor. "

I sighed in relief going to sit down by my mother. I broke down sobbing. I didn't need this. I didn't need to remember these things….. I could still see the gun pointed at me, hear father's voice. …..

Mom pulled me to her and held me. I jerked away. I couldn't….. I…. I…. She was just trying to help but she was making it worse. For some reason all I could see, all I could feel was that last customer, the one that nearly cost me my life….

When, when will I ever be able to just be a kid? When will things ever be normal for me?


	50. Verdict

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

_"Nothing, I did nothing."_

_The defense attorney scowled. He wasn't happy that he was wrong… I didn't want to think about this. I didn't want him angry. Attorneys couldn't turn on their witnesses could they?_

_"Can you describe what happened for the court?"_

_"…………….and then. He. He shot me." The defense attorney gulped. Nodded and turned away._

_"No further question your honor. "_

_I sighed in relief going to sit down by my mother. I broke down sobbing. I didn't need this. I didn't need to remember these things….. I could still see the gun pointed at me, hear father's voice. ….._

_Mom pulled me to her and held me. I jerked away. I couldn't….. I…. I…. She was just trying to help but she was making it worse. For some reason all I could see, all I could feel was that last customer, the one that nearly cost me my life…._

_When, when will I ever be able to just be a kid? When will things ever be normal for me?_

The courtroom felt chilly and I didn't know if it was the winter weather or my nerves. My lips were chapped from my teeth having bitten down on them all week. I looked at my parents. They gave me nervous grins.

I gulped and sort of shrugged. This was it. This was the day. Either my nightmare was over or it had just begun. If Davenport was able to get off he would come after me. I knew he would. Richard Davenport doesn't have it in him to forgive and he never backs down. If they did not lock him up he'd kill me within a matter of weeks or worse. He'd kill them, my family. Leaving me all on my own; it was just his style.

"All rise for the honorable Judge Cambridge." I stood up. My legs shook like jelly. My breath caught in my throat. _"And here we go again."_

"You may be seated."

I sat down just as the jury walked in. One man remained standing. He wore a light blue suit… light blue."

"Has the jury reached a verdict?"

"Yes we have your honor."

"Proceed."

I looked down at my feet. My breath came our harsh and shallow. Although I was cold I could feel sweat pouring down my forehead and from my palms. I rubbed my hands against my pants leg. I closed my eyes. _"Calm down, calm down… calm down. It's going to be okay. It's going to be okay."_

"On the charge of drug trafficking the jury finds the defendant, Richard Davenport Guilty."

"On the charge of trafficking to minors the jury finds the defendant, Richard Davenport Guilty."

"On the charge of child trafficking the jury finds the defendant, Richard Davenport Guilty."

"On the charge of child prosatution the jury finds the defendant, Richard Davenport Guilty."

"On the charge of child abuse we the jury finds the jury find the defendant, Richard Davenport Guilty."

"On the charge of neglect the jury finds the defendant, Richard Davenport Guilty."

"On the charge of assault of a minor the jury finds the defendant, Richard Davenport Guilty."

"_Guilty, Guilty…." _I could not believe my ears. Nothing ever goes this right for me. I have never had anything go my way. How was it that this was happening?"

"On the charge of attempted murder the jury finds the defendant, Richard Davenport Guilty."

The world grew still. I was vaguely aware of the cheers in the background but for me it was surreal. Nothing ever, ever turned out good for me. I could not breathe. This was too surreal. My mind was frozen. This was too good to be true. What did I ever do to deserve it?

"Order, order in the court."

The silence grew and time once again began to move. I took a deep breath. Richard Davenport would never bother me again. It was unbelievable. Ever since I was four years old Richard Davenport had made my life a living nightmare. It always seemed like I was somewhere between life and death. There was just one thing…….

If this was supposed to cure everything, make everything better; how come there was a part of me that filled worse? If there was closure why wasn't I feeling it?

**Wow my 50****th**** chapter! I can hardly wrap my head around it. Thank you all for your love and support. There is more to come! **


	51. Its Never Over

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_** This chapter his dedicated to all my loyal and kind readers.**

_"On the charge of drug trafficking the jury finds the defendant, Richard Davenport Guilty."_

_"On the charge of trafficking to minors the jury finds the defendant, Richard Davenport Guilty."_

_"On the charge of child trafficking the jury finds the defendant, Richard Davenport Guilty."_

_"On the charge of child prosatution the jury finds the defendant, Richard Davenport Guilty."_

_"On the charge of child abuse we the jury finds the jury find the defendant, Richard Davenport Guilty."_

_"On the charge of neglect the jury finds the defendant, Richard Davenport Guilty."_

_"On the charge of assault of a minor the jury finds the defendant, Richard Davenport Guilty."_

_"__Guilty, Guilty…." __I could not believe my ears. Nothing ever goes this right for me. I have never had anything go my way. How was it that this was happening?"_

_"On the charge of attempted murder the jury finds the defendant, Richard Davenport Guilty."_

The cameras flash bright and quickly making my eyes blink and water. I stared blankly a head with a hand on either of my shoulder. I tried to let my mind go blank and my body to calm; but it didn't work. My heart was still racing, my breath heaving. The trial was over. Richard Davenport would never bother me again but nothing felt different.

No matter how many years Richard Davenport spent in jail, no matter if he was dead or alive; he would always have a hold of me. He couldn't touch me anymore but he was always there, would always be there.

Whenever I fell asleep it would be his voice filling my nightmares; yelling at me, reminding me just how worthless I am. It would be his face I saw when the memories hit me. Whenever I wanted to have a meaningful relationship but couldn't; it would be the fear he instilled within me. No matter how much I wanted to trust someone, told myself I did, I never would be able to.

Richard Davenport stole a lot from me over the course of eight years. He stole my innocence, my ability to trust, to form relationships. He stole any feeling of self worth .But he stole something worse. He stole my chance of a happy life with my family.

Less than a month ago I tried killing myself. And there is still a part of me that wishes I was dead. I want so much to be a part of my family, for us to be happy and normal. But things will never e normal. A part of me is still a stranger in my own house; a part of me doesn't belong. There is so much I still don't know and never will. There is so much they experienced that I never will. The thing that kills me the most though is the fact that I can't remember very much of my life I did have with them.

I was happy. I must have been. I wonder if I'll ever be happy again.

**Three Days Later**

Sodapop Curtis yawned as he laid down a run. He leaned back in his chair. "Geeze, Pony still laying down?"

His mother yawned in reply and rolled her eyes drawing a card. "He's had a hard day Sodapop, we all have."

"I just was hoping this would make everything easier. Davenport's in jail. There should be fireworks or something."

Darrel shook his head. "There should be but most things aren't that easy son."

"Well when will they start getting easy. Pony's home, that bast…" Darry grunted when his mother stared at him. "I mean that creep is in jail. When will things start getting better."

Margaret sighed. "I wish I knew. We just have to be patient. Its still going to be a long time before Ponyboy can ever get settled. If I had known this trial would have bothered him so; I would never have let him testify."

"He needed to dear. We wouldn't have been doing him any favors. It was better to face it head on."

Margaret shivered. "I just don't want another repeat of last time. I never want to see him like that again.

Soda exchanged looks with Darry. They didn't need their parents to paint a sign. The time they were referring to was obvious. Neither of their parents slept in their bedroom anymore. The sofa sufficed. And their dad had sold the guns. They'd never be going near a gun again. Darry and Soda even were forced to hand over their blades. Ponyboy was not to have access to anything he could, he could try again with.

Darrel put down his last card. "I'm out. I'll go check on Ponyboy." He stood up and kissed his wife's cheek. She gave a rueful smile and squeezed his hand.

"I love you."

"Love you."

He walked back to the room. He hadn't finished the new bed yet so Ponyboy was sprawled awkwardly his arm propped on a nightstand. The lights were dim and Babar lay on Ponyboy's stomach. _"He's too old for bears." _Darrel thought sadly. But maybe the bear was a comfort, a reminder that at one time things had been happy, peaceful even.

"_Alright Ponyboy, its time for bed."_

"_But what about monsters."_

_Darrel smiled and smothered his son's hair. "Now you know there is no monster that's gonna come in this house. They're all too scared of your old dad. Who told you there were monsters?"_

"_Soda and Dawwy."_

_Darrel laughed. "They were just trying to scare you baby. Older brothers like to do that sometimes. You know we'd never let anything happen to you."_

_Ponyboy hugged Babar. "Are you sure."_

_Darrel pulled his son into his lap. "Absolutely Posolutely"_

"_That's not a wood."_

"_A word? No I guess not."_

"_I love you daddy."_

"_I love you too Ponyboy. Are you ready for bed now?"_

_Ponyboy nodded. "Kay, kiss daddy." Darrel kissed his son's forehead then squeezed him tight. He smiled._

"_Better."_

_Ponyboy held out his bear. "Baba too."_

_Darrel smiled. "Babar too." He kissed the bear. "Now off to bed."_

"_Kay. Night."_

_Darrel pulled the covers tight over his tiny son. "Good night buddy….."_

Darrel stared at his son, his poor son. He had failed to protect him. He failed to keep him safe and sound. He failed to protect him from Davenport. And in doing so he failed to protect Ponyboy from himself. Darrel stroked his cheek softly. Ponyboy's eyes popped open and his breath heaved. His eyes were wild and startled.

"Easy buddy. It's just me; its dad."

Ponyboy sighed. "I'm sorry I scared you. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You are okay, aren't you?" Ponyboy sat up. He grabbed the bear and picked at the fur; not daring to gaze at his father.

"Pony?"

Ponyboy grunted and Darrel sighed. He looked down at Babar. He gave a nervous laugh. "You know you got that bear the day you were born." Ponyboy looked up cautiously and Darrel gave a small smile. "I took your brothers down to the gift shop to buy some flowers for your mother. They saw the bear and said you ought to have a toy. "He laughed.

Ponyboy stroked Babar and bit his lip. His face was set curious and somewhat eager. "They fought and fought over the name. Finally Darry decided that maybe you should have too gifts. He picked up a Babar book. So we ended up naming the bear Babar. You loved that bear. It was always in your crib, then in when you outgrew the crib he was in your bed. Then there was the book, your mother and I must have read that book to you a thousand times. Funny isn't it?"

"What?"

Darrel started. Ponyboy had talked. It was at least something. "That you have a bear named after an elephant. Kind of tiny to be an elephant don't you think?"

For the first time in a long time Ponyboy found himself amused. Who had ever heard of such a thing. He fought a snicker. His face fell glum once more.

Darrel sighed. "We were very happy once; you know. You were happy." He reached out to stroke his son's hair but Ponyboy and he edged away. _"And we're back to square one."_

"I thought maybe if Davenport was found guilty it would make me, would make us feel better son. But nothing feels different does it. It feels the same…"

Ponyboy looked at his father again. Darrel's fists were balled. "I want so much to kill him. Just to have five minutes to myself with him…" His voice deepened. Ponyboy gulped. And just like that Darrel was calm once more. "But no matter what I do to him I can't get it back?"

Ponyboy closed his eyes. "Get what back?"

Darrel's eyes crinkled He ran a hand threw his hair. "I can't get back the eight years I missed with you. I can't get back those hunting trips we could have had, football games we could have played; hearing you call me daddy or just dad. And I can't get back your innocence for you."

He closed his eyes. "I don't even want to think about all the things you have seen, were forced to do; had done to you… And I can't get the image out of my head of you lying with that gun…." Darrel's voice caught in his throat. "I thought I was going to lose you forever this time."

Ponyboy's stomach dropped and he looked down once more, ashamed. _"Can't you do anything right. You worthless piece of shit. Look what you did. You selfish little brat. You worthless pig. You really screwed up…." _ And this time it was his own voice berating him.

Darrel put a hand on his shoulder. "I have three sons Pony. I have Darry and Soda then I have you. But you know what…"

Darrel sighed. "Just because I have one or two of you doesn't mean I'd miss the other any less. A body don't have a limit on what they can love. I love you so much Ponyboy. If I ever had to live any more years without you… I… I don't know what I'd do."

His father was crying, crying. That big , hulking guy was crying. Ponyboy felt horrible, just horrible. He didn't know what to do.

_Darrel laughed. "They were just trying to scare you baby. Older brothers like to do that sometimes. You know we'd never let anything happen to you."_

_Ponyboy hugged Babar. "Are you sure."_

_Darrel pulled his son into his lap. "Absolutely Posolutely"_

"_That's not a wood."_

"_A word? No I guess not."_

"_I love you daddy."_

Ponyboy opened his eyes. The memory had hit him clear and fast. It was if the ghost of his younger self, of his innocence and hope was telling him what to do.

Ponyboy gulped. He put a good hand on his father's knee. "I love you dad."

Darrel gasped. He felt hot tears in his eyes as he pulled his son to him. Ponyboy didn't fight it. He just closed his eyes. His dad's arms were warm, strong. He smelt like aftershave and freshly mowed grass. He didn't smell like booze or smoke or cheap perfume. His arms were not strangling him. It felt…. It felt nice, safe.

"Dad."

Darrel sniffled. "Ya buddy?"

"Stay awhile."

"Anything you want buddy. Anything you want…….."

**Like my fanfiction? Check out my blog and see my own novel work. The link his on my profile. **


	52. Like a YoYo

**Disclaimer- I do not own**_** The Outsiders**_

_The little bundle is placed in my arms. He is so warm and soft. He gives a tired little yawn and those eyes open. They're blue now but they'll probably change soon; Soda's did. The tiny baby looks at me and yawns again, closing his eyes. I grin in spite of myself._

"_Hi little guy. I'm your daddy." I just stare in awe. He is so tiny, so very tiny. He's got the cutest little nose I've ever seen. I stroke his cheek and his little moth opens. His head turns. I laugh a little. "Are you hungry?"_

_I rock him slightly. "Do you want your mama?" He's silent and still. His eyes are open again just looking at me. I've been a father before but each time it happens its like the first time. My heart swells with pride and I am overcome with joy. I am in love._

Ponyboy is asleep curled up in my lap. He's much too big to fit in the crook of my arms anymore but that same feeling is there. It feels like the first time I am holding him. And in fact he has not let me hold him like this since he has come home. I've missed it so much.

I stroke his cheek lightly. He does not open his mouth looking for food. He is still but then it happens. He gives a slight moan and he is shivering. He is having a nightmare.

"Pony, Pony." I softly whisper. "Come on baby; it's just a dream." His eyes are clinched and his face is drawn. He is pale. Tears are coming down his cheeks which just moments ago were dry. I shake his shoulder slightly. His eyes pop open and he screams bloody murder.

Margaret comes running in with the boys as I am helping Ponyboy sit up. I wrap my arms around him gently. I do not want to cause him any more pain. I rock him slightly. "Easy buddy. Easy…" Margaret sits down in front of us. She places a hand on Ponyboy's knee. He buries his face in my shoulder. I run my hands through his hair looking at my older sons.

They are giving each other glum looks. Neither knows exactly what to do. Finally Soda walks over and sits on Pony's other side. He rubs his shoulder. Darry walks and sits beside his mother. He places a hand on Ponyboy's other knee.

"Pony, buddy, do you want to talk about it?"

He sniffles. Maggie looks at me. Her eyes are red from trying not to cry. She turns her attention to our youngest son once more. "Ponyboy, please…."

I kiss the top of his forehead. "It's okay, its okay."

"Was it bad?" Soda asks.

"Pony?" Darry adds.

"We're all here buddy. We're all here. Your mother, your brothers, me…. We just want to help you. Can you help us? Just tell us about the dream honey. I promise it'll make you feel better. "

Silence and stillness and then….. He lifts his head sniffling. "I was in the closet again."

"The closet, the one he locked you in."

Ponyboy nodded. "I, I… … I can't."

I rocked him. My heart was breaking. A kid his age should not have so many tears. He should be happy, growing up, getting into mischief. This, this is not how things should be.

"You know sometimes talking does help kiddo."

Ponyboy sighed. "It hurt, it hurt so bad."

"Shhh… it's okay. Nobody's going to be hurting you anymore. Just try to get some sleep buddy. "

Pony sniffled. "Sorry for bothering you." Margaret held his good hand and rubbed it.

"Oh honey you could never be a bother."

"Yeha, "Soda piped in. "Besides if even if you were your supposed to be you're the baby. But your not so don't sweat it."

"Not helping Soda." Darry mumbled.

Ponyboy's lips turned up slightly. What was it about Sodapop that just seemed to make everything a little better?

"Come on son, you can tell us."

"Flashback, that's all."

"That doesn't seem like all."

"It is. Now I think I want to be alone."

"Okay buddy. We love you."

And he was left alone again.

**Pony**

Sometimes I feel bipolar or maybe I have multiple personalities or something. My mood goes up and down like a yo-yo. And it seems like I have way more downs then ups. Maybe my strings just broken Richard more or less cut them anyways. Thanks to him, like the rest of me, my sanity is damaged goods.

I don't like being alone or maybe I do. I don't know. When dad was holding me, mom and my brother's right beside me, I felt safe. But I can't help feeling like a burden, even if they say otherwise. They're good people, my family. They should not have to suffer my mistake. I was the idiot who left with Tonya. They didn't make that mistake. It's all on me. Just like Richard said _"Stupid, worthless piece of shit._

**Coming soon in **_**A Parent's Worst Nightmare**_**- Ponyboy gets his cast off**


	53. Another Surgery

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

_Margaret went over and sat on the bed. Ponyboy still wouldn't look at anybody. 'Ponyboy, honey. Your dad and I have something we need to talk with you about." She squeezed his shoulder. He flinched._

"_I'm sorry if I hurt you."_

"_Son, we just want to talk to you."_

_Ponyboy turned around._

"_That's better."_

"_Honey we talked to the doctor you need surgery, on your arm."_

"_They need to put some pins and stuff in it. Its going to hurt really bad for awhile but when its all over with your arm will be good as new." Darrel said ruffling his sons hair. Ponyboy just frowned and stiffened "Its going to be okay though._

_They'll do the surgery tomorrow and you'll get to come home soon after that. You'll be home again by Christmas. It'll be so good to have you home. And we'll be right there when you wake up."_

"Here let me tie that for your son." Darrel walked around and grasped the strings to his son's hospital gown. Ponyboy blushed.

"There you go kiddo. Now lest get you into bed. The doctor will be here soon to give you the once over."

Ponyboy nodded slowly. To say he was wary about the whole thing. He could not help but remember a surgery that had ended with him spending eight years with Richard Davenport. That surgery had left him with more problems than solutions and although he knew this time would be different he couldn't help but feel nervous. After all anything could go wrong with a surgery, anything. He was living proof.

The door opened. Margaret Curtis walked in with the elder Curtis boys. "Hi honey how are you feeling?"

Ponyboy shrugged. He didn't want to let them know how he really felt. They had enough to worry about as it was. He didn't need to add his emotions to the mix. "Fine, I guess."

"Are you sure?' She sat on the edge of the bed. He looked down at his feet swinging them slightly.

"Look at it this way. You'll be able to have that stupid cast off. Maybe we can play some football."

Darry rolled his eyes. "Soda, his arm has to heal first. Besides I doubt Pony really wants to play football."

He never had before. Anything that involved heavy physical contact he tried to avoid. Besides Davenport never had allowed him to play sports. "No, I, I think I'd like that." Soda gave a triumphed grin.

"Told you so"

"Fink."

"Superdope."

"Beverage."

"Soda, Darry calm down. We're in a hospital."

"Yes mame." They replied in unison. Ponyboy smirked a little. The more he was around his family, the more he amused him. He wished solemnly that it could always have been that way. Strike two, taking away the family's ability to laugh, be amused.

"When your arm gets better your brothers and I will take you to the lot and work with you. You got pretty lucky. Darry here made the all state team. And Soda has to be about the best trick play master around. If he wanted to he could have made the high school football team."

"But I like girls better, girls and cars. I'm an auto head."

Ponyboy smiled a little. Soda gave a happy grin. He leaned over and ruffled his brother's hair. "Maybe some time Steve and I can show you how to fix up a car. Get you a tuff bike, mm?"

"Soda he's a little young for a motorcycle."

"Okay... okay we'll wait." He winked at Ponyboy.

Just then the door opened. A doctor, a nurse and some orderlies walked in. "Hello Ponyboy. I'm here to do your surgery. "

Ponyboy blanched. For a moment, just a moment he had forgotten. Sweat poured down his face and his palms were clammy. Darrel grabbed his hand.

_"Hi Pony." Ponyboy just waved._

_"I'm scared." He said softly, roughly. Darrel walked over and put his arms around his son._

_"It won't be so bad. You'll be asleep the whole time and when you wake up you can have all the ice cream you want. Chocolate at that"_

_"Really?"_

_"Promise."_

_"Kay then."_

_"Ah you must be Mr. Curtis. Would you like to carry your son to surgery?"_

_"Would you like that honey?"_

_Ponyboy nodded curling himself into his father. "Okay then let's go."_

_"Pony, honey wake up. It's mommy."_

_"I'm here to buddy. You're okay."_

_Darrel and Margaret Curtis looked at their son. He whined groggily. His throat was hurting still and he felt so sleepy still._

_"You were so brave honey. You did real good._

_"Mmm…."_

_"When you get more woken up you can have some ice cream, chocolate."_

_Ponyboy smiled loopily. "Awe chocolate," Darrel said wistfully, "the key to a Curtis man's heart."_

_Margaret rolled her eyes. "I don't know what to do with your daddy."_

_"Keep me."_

"_I think I will."_

"Hey buddy your mom and I are going to follow you to the surgical floor. Nothing is going to happen. I promise."

Ponyboy sighed. His mother leaned over and kissed his cheek. "we love you."

He forced a smile. "I love you too mom."

She smiled. "I love you too honey, so much."

"It's time to go." Ponyboy grabbed for his father's hand.

Darrel gave his a squeeze. "Just relax. When you wake up everything's going to be better. No more stupid cast."

'Yeha no more stupid cast….."

So why did he have such a bad feeling about this?

**Thanks again to all my wonderful readers and reviewers. You are all remarkable and wonderful. **


	54. Help Me Heal Me

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**the Outsiders**_

**This chapter is dedicated to Hunters Healers**

Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick…

Drip Cerplock Drip Cerplock

Squish Swash Squish Swash

The sounds of the hospital reverberated though the walls. Darrel looked up at the clock on the wall. He sighed. Time edged slower and slower by the second. He clinched his fists on his pants legged. A head leaned itself onto his shoulder. _"Maggie"_ He sighed.

"You should get some rest." He told her.

Maggie lifted her head. "I'm fine dear."

"Are you sure?"

She nodded and gave a waning smile. "As good as can be expected." She sighed. "Nervous. I guess."

Darrel grabbed her hand and gave a weak smile. He knew the feeling all to well.

Sodapop plopped down on the floor, throwing on old rubber bouncy ball in the air. "How much longer does he have left?"

Darry grunted his fists turning white. "As long as it takes stupid."

"Watch it Darry. We're all stressed. That is no excuse to insult your brother"

"Yes sir."

Maggie sighed and looked at soda. She tried to smile. "Just a little bit longer dear. Why don't you and Darry go bring up some food from the cafeteria?"

"I'm not hungry." Soda said. His stomach rumbled. "I'll just go to the snack bar and get us some burger and fries. Come on Darry."

"Yeha, Yeha." They got up and left the room.

Darrel shook his head. "What are we going to do with them?"

"Boys will be boys dear."

Darrel nodded. _"If only Ponyboy could be a normal boy too."_

"I reckon so."

Maggie yawned and laid her head on her husband's shoulder once more. He stroked her hair. "Just a little while longer dear."

"I know."

Meanwhile as they sat at the snack bar Darry scowled. "Why do you have to be so immature Soda? This is surgery not a funhouse at the carnival."

Soda took a sip of his pop. His shoulders were hunched and his face beat red. He grunted. "I know that Darry. I'm not an idiot. Geeze what's your problem today anyway? I know that this is a hospital. I'm just as worried as you are. You don't have to act like an ass about it though"

Darry pushed his food away. He stormed off. Soda shook his head. He had pushed Darry to far. He should have known better. Darry wasn't hard to set off.

He gave a forced smile at the girl at the counter and gave her the three dollars for Darry's and his meals. "Sorry mame."

She giggled at him and he walked off to finds his brother. Darry wasn't hard to find. He was a predictable enough person.

He sat in a chair in the pediatric family lobby, rest area, empty for now. "How'd you know where to find me?"

Soda plopped down beside him. He gave a nervous laugh. "I figured it had to do something with Pony. You couldn't go to **that** room but this was open enough."

"Oh."

Darry stared straight ahead. His eyes were glassy."

"You okay?"

"One of the last times I ever saw him normal was in this room, you know. This chair, he sat in my lap. He loved me then."

Soda felt like the hamburger he ate was going to come back up. He gulped. He sighed, searching for the right words. "Its not that he doesn't love you Dar, he's, he's." Soda put his face in his hands. "Did I tell you about when I first met him in school?"

Darry shook his head. "No, I guess I didn't really think about it." He slouched into his seat without saying a word. I got a weird vibe from this kid that I couldn't shake off. He didn't look at me, just stared at the desk as Miss Bell went on teaching. He was weird, withdrawn. Once Curly and his guys actually helped the socials beat him up."

Darry looked at his brother then. Soda nodded. "He took it Darry. He curled in a ball and let them beat him up. He didn't cry, didn't move. And he never talked.. But I did try to be friendly and he was still shy. You know what I think….."

Darry shook his head. Soda tried to grin. "I think he wanted a friend, wanted to be loved, and still does. It isn't that he doesn't love you Darry. He's confused. He doesn't remember what its like to have a good family. He's learning but still. This is all new for him. He loves us all he just doesn't know how to show it."

Darry shook his head. "It's not the same Soda. He was happy. He trusted me."

Sodapop frowned. "he trusted me too Darry and I let him down. He came to school ruffed up sometimes. I knew something was going on and I did nothing. Nothing! I should have known he was Pony.. I should have been able to tell."

Sodapop pushed back his tears. "At least you befriended him. **At least you didn't cause all this in the first place."**

"Darry?" Darry's eyes were red. Soda stared alarmed. Darry rarely cried.

"I was sick too., Why did I have to be sick. Mom should have been at the hospital. If she was… "

"Darry….."

"Do I have to spell it out for you Soda? It's my fault. Mine. Four nine years, nine years I've had to live with that. How would you like to know that if it wasn't for you Ponyboy would have never gone missing? That it's your fault Pony had to live with that, that sadistic bastard?"

"Darry what are you saying. It's not your fault. You couldn't help you were sick."

"I was sick though Soda and because I was Ponyboy will never get to be a normal happy kid."

Sodapop put a hand on his brother's arm. "That's not true Darry. You were a kid you needed mom there. Its not your fault. If not then, then maybe it would have been another time. You're a good brother. What about the trial? Do you know how much you helped him? You got him to testify. Pony'd never been able to do that on his own. And Pony's gotten so much better already. It'll take time but you'll see Darry. He can be happy again. We just got to be there for him."

Soda paused a moment thinking. "Look at Johnny. His home life aint near as bad but it's rough. We all stand by him. He has times when he just wants to give up but there other times too. He laughs and plays football. Johnny plays pinball and poker. He jokes sometimes. Maybe with time Ponyboy will too. We're going to teach him to play ball and maybe mom can teach him piano. Things will get better soon."

Darry tried to smile. "I wish I had your optimism."

"Mom always did say we should bottle what ever makes me , me up. We'd make a fourtine."

"And a half."

"Come on Darry. Ponyboy might be out of surgery. He'll want some company. You know how boring old people are."

"Mom and dad aren't old/"

"Older than him anyways. Come on."

"I'm coming." They headed out the door. "Hey Soda?"

"Yeha Darry?"

"Thanks."

Soda slung his arm over Darry's shoulder. "That's what brothers are for buddy old pal. That's what brothers are for."


	55. Floating

"**With every day, and from both sides of my intelligence, the moral and the intellectual, I thus drew steadily nearer to the truth, by whose partial discovery I have been doomed to such a dreadful shipwreck: that man is not truly one, but truly two."- Robert Lewis Stevenson**

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

The anesthesiologist put a mask on my face. "I need you to count backwards from one hundred. Can you do that for me?" I nodded my head nervously. I still wasn't so sure about the surgery but what could I do?

"One hundred, ninety nine, ninety eight, ninety seven....." I felt my eyelids growing heavy and my mind whole body felt heavy and tired. "Ninety six, ninety five…" I could no longer fight it..My body drifted off and my mind went numb. The room hazed and I was out like a light. I had fallen asleep.

Then a funny feeling came over me. Do you know that feeling right before you get up? There was something calming about that moment before one allows themselves to become fully awake. Like a warm blanket enveloping the senses the mind is muted and all thought is silenced. If he had a choice in the matter I would stay in that state for the rest of my life.

It wasn't to be though. A strange laughter woke me up. It was like the ringing of bells, a little kids. I wondered briefly what a kid was doing in the operating theater. The laughter continued and curiosity got the best of me. I knew that I should just let things be; nothing good ever came from curiosity, not in my case. But for once I let myself be open to curiosity.

My eyes opened. I was no longer in the operating theater. I blinked confused. Surely this was not another one of those crazy memory dreams like before. I looked around. I knew this place. My room, the room my mother had painted for me.

A little boy was on the floor with a pile of blocks. He was laughing and humming. I recognized the red hair and overalls from pictures. The little boy was me.

He turned around and smiled at me with a toothy little grin. He waved. "I know you." He said in a slight squeak. "You're me."

I nodded mutely. My miniature placed a few blocks on top of the others. He turned back around. "You're sad a lot." He said. "I was too."

I cocked my head to the side. I was not sure what to say. Even on my biggest trips I did not have such weird hallucinations. "But not anymore?"

He shook his head and rocked a little. The blocks had moved. He was holding Babar in his arms now. "I'm home. I missed mommy and daddy." He was silent for a moment. "Darry and Soda too."

I sighed. "How can you miss what don't even know you had?"

My mini me stood up and crawled on the bed beside me. "You forgot but I didn't. I'm me, you're you but we're we. I remember what was special to us. I had to go away awhile because of the bad man. But when the police men brought you home I started to come back."

Was I talking to my inner child?

The little boy smiled. "I really liked it when daddy held us." I looked at him.

"How did…."

He giggled wiggling his toes and nearly falling over on himself. He sat up holding Babar tight "I'm you remember?" He looked at me. I showed no recognition. I didn't not really. My little me sighed. "Daddy used to hold us like that when we were sick. He made me feel all warm and safe and stuff."

_Dad laughed. "They were just trying to scare you baby. Older brothers like to do that sometimes. You know we'd never let anything happen to you."_

_I hugged Babar. "Are you sure."_

_Dad pulled his son into his lap. "Absolutely Posolutely"_

"_That's not a wood."_

"_A word? No I guess not."_

"_I love you daddy."_

"Yeha, real good."

My me smiled. He yawned. "I'm sleepy. I need to take a nap for a while."

"Please don't go."

He smiled and crawled into my lap. I hesitated but placed a hand on his cheek. He yawned once more. "I'm not going anywhere, just to sleep. You too I think." He tightened his grip on Babar. "I'm me, you're you but we're we. We're both leaving and a new us will come. Things can't be easy fast. Mommy always says the storm comes before the rain."

"I.. I"

He grabbed my hand. "I'll never remember everything and you'll never forget. But the new us can have a little of both."

I sighed. "Will we ever be happy?"

My me shrugged. "Sometimes but we'll be sad too. We can have mommy and daddy and our brothers though. We can love them again. They already love us."

"I don't think I'll ever be able to trust them."

"I trust them so the new us will someday."

"And the new us, will we trust other people?"

"He'll never be you but he'll never be me either even though he is us. I used to trust most everybody but I was kinda shy. You don't trust anyone because the bad man hurt us. We'll have good days and bad days." He yawned and was soon snoring. I soon felt my mind drifting floating. I was not sure what I would meet when I awoke.

Be it life or death. I knew I had to face this.

* * * * * *

The doctor walked into the room. Darrel stood up and shook his wife's shoulder. "Honey, honey wake up."

His wife yawned. "Mmm?"

"The doctor is here."

"Oh." She shook her self awake. "Oh…."

"How is he doctor?"

The doctor simply nodded. "All the pins and rods were removed. There was minimal blood loss and his heart retained a steady beat. We were worried that suicide attempt and the drug use Davenport forced upon him and the constant withdrawals would have weakened his heart but he pulled through. The arm set nicely."

Margaret sighed in relief. "Thank God."

Sodapop glanced at Darry with a warm grin. "See I told you." Darry allowed himself to smile.

The doctor cleared his throat. "Of course he is not out of the woods yet. I did warn you his heart is weak and we want to monitor him for infection."

Darrel shook his hand. "Of course, of course. Thank you doctor. Think you so much."

"You're very welcome."

"When can we see him?"

The doctor smiled. "Give it about an hour. He is being moved to recovery. We have him sedated and he most likely will not be awake until this evening."

"Thank you doctor. Thank you."


	56. Heart Monitor

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

This is a weird chapter but I hope you like it. Sorry its short, just an idea that sort of came to me.

A doctor poked her head into Room 417

**BEEP…. BEEP…BEEP….**

Ponyboy Curtis scrunched up his face.

**BEEP….BEEP….BEEP….**

Margaret Curtis ran hand gently across his cheek. She smiled. "Pony, Ponyboy."

**BEEP….BEEP…. BEEP….**

Darrel Curtis stood over her watching, waiting for something, anything to happen.

**BEEP….. BEEP….BEEP……**

The fog was lifting. Ponyboy found the gears in his mind start to twist and turn. He slowly found himself becoming more and more aware of what was going on around him.

**BEEP….. BEEP….BEEP……**

A warm hand grasped his. He was vaguely aware of a trickling pain in the other arm. He blinked. The light was bright. He quickly shut his lids, begging his eyes to retreat into darkness.

**BEEP….. BEEP….BEEP……**

Darrel coughed.

**BEEP….. BEEP….BEEP……**

Sodapop edged his way closer to the bed. 'Come on Ponyboy. Come on buddy up and at'em. We're all waiting to see you."

**BEEP….. BEEP….BEEP……**

Margaret leaned over and whispered into her youngest son's ear. "You have the most beautiful eyes you know. I'd love to see them."

**BEEP….. BEEP….BEEP……**

Ponyboy opened his eyes. He squinted in the light.

**BEEP….. BEEP….BEEP……**

Darrel smiled. "Good morning buddy. Glad to see you awake."

**BEEP….. BEEP….BEEP……**

Ponyboy Curtis smiled dopily. He knew he was high as a kite; though he'd been more drugged in his life. He did not like the feeling and yet it was freeing. All sense of fear was muted. It was a happy freeing feeling but like most things in his life; he did not choose this joy it enslaved him.

**BEEP….. BEEP….BEEP……**

Darry found a grin on his face, Ponyboy was smiling.

**BEEP….. BEEP….BEEP……**

Sodapop Curtis was grinning like a cheesier cat.

**BEEP….. BEEP….BEEP……**

Margate kissed her son's hand. She felt tears in her eyes. He was okay… He was okay.

**BEEP….. BEEP….BEEP……**

Darrel walked over and sat on the hospital bed. "Hey buddy." He ruffled his son's hair. He smiled. "When you get more woke up I'll see you get something good to eat."

**BEEP….. BEEP….BEEP……**

Ponyboy Curtis opened his mouth and laughed. "Foods nice. I like eating.. Father never let me eat." He laughed. "But he's gone now. I told me it'll be fine. I said you feed me."

**BEEP….. BEEP….BEEP……**

Everybody tensed. Ponyboy made no sense. They listened to his ramblings intently.

**BEEP….. BEEP….BEEP……**

"I told me I don't need to be afraid of you. I like my mini me. He understands real good…." Ponyboy yawned, medicine and surgery taking their toll.

**BEEP….. BEEP….BEEP……**

Margaret swept her hand through her son's hair. "What are you talking about honey?"

**BEEP….. BEEP….BEEP……**

Ponyboy smiled. "I talked to me but…." He yawned. "He was.. smaaa… smaller. He was real smart. He.." Ponyboy smacked his lips. "I told me I knew you would come. I missed you. Glad.. Glad I did. I didn't know I knew you… Kind of nice…" His eyes closed and he was fast asleep

**BEEP….. BEEP….BEEP……**

The remaining four Curtis family members exchanged glances. What was going on?

The doctor walked into the room.


	57. Lucid Dreaming

**Disclaimer I do not own **_**The Outsiders, **_** and it makes me sad.**

_Margaret swept her hand through her son's hair. "What are you talking about honey?"_

_Ponyboy smiled. "I talked to me but…." He yawned. "He was.. smaaa… smaller. He was real smart. He.." Ponyboy smacked his lips. "I told me I knew you would come. I missed you. Glad.. Glad I did. I didn't know I knew you… Kind of nice…" His eyes closed and he was fast asleep_

_The remaining four Curtis family members exchanged glances. What was going on?_

_The doctor walked into the room._

He nodded his head. "Mr. and Mrs. Curtis, Can I talk to you in my office?"

Darrel stood up. "Of course. Boys…."

"Soda and I'll stay in here with Ponyboy."

"Stay right here. We'll be back as soon as we can."

"Yes sir."

Margaret leaned over and kissed Ponyboy's cheek. "We won't be gone long sweetie. Sleep tight." She turned to her older sons. "And you two, behave yourselves. Don't be too loud. Your brother needs his rest."

Soda grinned. "Us be loud." His father cleared his throat.

"Yes mame." Soda and Darry chimed together.

Margaret stood up and walked out of the room.

Darry looked down at his little brother. His eyes were shut tight and his face was still and unmoving. The pins and wires which had just hours ago protruded from his arms had disappeared and been replaced by a simple brace and sling. His arm rested gently on his stomach. His mouth neither protruded into a smile or a frown. It was the most peaceful Darry had seen his brother since his return home.

He walked over and leaned over to sweep back his brother's hair. "Hey kiddo." He whispered.

Ponyboy's brow furrowed. He turned to Soda and put a finger to his lips. Ponyboy moaned. "..os… there? Little me, that you again?"

"Its Darry. I'm right here buddy."

Ponyboy's eyes squeezed themselves tight. "I have a brother named Darry. He's really big. I'm scared of him but not always…" Darry and Soda exchanged glances. "…Sometimes I'm not. Little me says I shouldn't be. I wish I remembered what little me knew. He said I might sometime. Wish…." And he was back to being fast asleep.

"Me too kiddo, me too."

**Meanwhile**

"Have a seat please." The doctor indicated a chair.

Darrel and Margaret sat down. Darrel grabbed his wife's hand giving it a squeeze.

"Hello. I don't know if you remember me. I am Doctor Housemen…."

"We talked before.. about Ponyboy."

Doctor Housemen nodded. "Good you remember then. Well I'd like to talk to you some more. Now I talked with the orthopedic surgeon and it seems Ponyboy's surgery was quiet successful."

"Yes we were all very relived about that…."

"Of course."

"He was talking funny though…"

"Yes I heard him through the door. More likely than not he was dreaming and responding to the dream. I do have some concerns about it though."

"Yes?"

"Well the things he was saying, slightly off wouldn't you agree?" when the couple was silent he went on. "I am also aware of his anxiety attack at the trial and the suicide attempt. These things do worry me."

Margaret and Darrel blanched. Neither one had really gotten over that, the bloodstains in the carpet still made their stomachs lurch. "It worries us too,, but he has been doing better, opening up more."

"Yes I am aware of this but is he not still having nightmares, still slightly withdrawn, panics in a crowd.."

"Yes but…."

Doctor Housemen held up his hand. "But I am still concerned. Is he showing any paranoid tendencies, fears which seem unfounded?"

"He has trouble with crowds, larger men, strange women but he's adjusting well to be around us. He's smiled a couple of times. He doesn't always recoil when we touch him."

"Mr. and Mrs. Curtis. I'll be right up front with you. I want to put Ponyboy on some medication to calm him."

"Medicate him?"

"Yes there are a number of drugs that will keep him calm and peaceful. No outbursts, no panic attacks…"

"Would he be happy?"

"Excuse me?"

"Would the medication make him happy?"

"Well no per say… But it would help with the depression, lower his anxiety and even help him to gain weight. He may seem sluggish and slightly out of it but he will be a much calmer person. Its less likely that he'll commit suicide as well."

"What do you want to put him on?"

Darrel turned to glance at his wife. Neither of them liked the idea of drugging their son. They knew drugs had been used as a torture device for him but… but if it kept him from ever hurting himself again neither could argue the doctor's logic.

"He would come to my office two times a week for an injection of Flupentixol: to help with the depression and slight paranoia. He would take 15mg of Chlorprothixene in the morning and 30mg at night. Chlorprothixene will help with anxiety and help him put on some weight."

"Anything else."

"Yes I would like him to see me in my office a few times a week for cognitive, behavioral therapy. I also have a suggestion as per his schooling come the fall semester."

"Yes…."

"I think it would be prudent for Ponyboy to be schooled from home a semester with corresponding work from actual teachers. He has shown himself to be an exceptionally bright young man if not gifted. But on a social emotional level he is far behind. It would unfair to push him back grades he is clearly to advance for but the school environment has proved itself to be too stressful. At home he could learn at his own pace without the stress and anxiety social situations seem to evoke. With the aid of therapy and medication he may be ready to return to the school within a semester or too."

Margaret bit her lip. This was all very true and it would work out just fine if…..

"We'd like to be able to do this very much sir but I work late as it is and Margaret does odd cleanings every now and then. We may be able to try the homeschool thing but the truth is we can't leave him alone. And as it is we simply cannot afford the medications. "

"I am well aware of that Mr. Curtis that is why I purpose a suggestion."

"Being….."

"Now I am no lawyer but I would believe it to be prudent to bring Davenport into civil court. His finances are quiet extensive. Sue him for the cost of any medical expense and college. The emotional and physical damage should do…"

"I don't want that basterd's money. You just can't buy back our son's childhood. The suffering, the… My son… my son tried to kill himself. How do you put a price on that… tell me how do you."

"I'm sorry Mr. Curtis. Of course the money can't change the past. I would never even begin to suggest that. But it can by Ponyboy a better future." He stood up. "Now I'll leave you to think about that."

**Pony's Hospital Room**

Soda walked over to stand by Darry. He leaned down to look at his brother. "He looks so peaceful when he's a sleep. You'd never know, would you?"

Darry shook his head. "No.. you wouldn't."

"I love you kiddo."

"Love you too." Soda added.

Ponyboy moaned. "Little me says he missed you. He loves you. I think I do. Its hard." He was at it again.

Soda sat on the edge of the bed and pushed back his brother's hair. " I know buddy. I know. Its going to get better. You'll see."

"Little me said it would. He said I might even be happy. I want to be happy."

"You will be. You will be."

"Soda…."

"Yeha buddy?"

"Love yawl." And Ponyboy was asleep once more.

**Sorry for not writing. Between my finals, a health scare, and looking for a job I just have not had the motivation I needed. But I plan to try and come back. **


	58. A Parent's Worst Dream Come True

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

"No."

"Ponyboy…"

His eyes were big and wide. Tears welled up. His lip trembled. He looked from parent to parent then to his brothers. How could they not understand? Why couldn't they see? "Please……"

Margaret closed her eyes. What could she do? What could she say?

_"Mr. and Mrs. Curtis. I'll be right up front with you. I want to put Ponyboy on some medication to calm him."_

_"Medicate him?"_

_"Yes there are a number of drugs that will keep him calm and peaceful. No outbursts, no panic attacks…"_

"……_.it would help with the depression, lower his anxiety and even help him to gain weight. He may seem sluggish and slightly out of it but he will be a much calmer person. It's less likely that he'll commit suicide as well."_

_"What do you want to put him on?"_

_Darrel turned to glance at his wife. Neither of them liked the idea of drugging their son. They knew drugs had been used as a torture device for him but… but if it kept him from ever hurting himself again neither could argue the doctor's logic._

_"He would come to my office two times a week for an injection of Flupentixol: to help with the depression and slight paranoia. He would take 15mg of Chlorprothixene in the morning and 30mg at night. Chlorprothixene will help with anxiety and help him put on some weight."_

She sighed. "Honey you know we wouldn't ask you to do anything if we didn't think it would help you."

Ponyboy took a deep breath. Sweat poured down his forehead. His breathing hitched. Heavier and heavier it became. His heart pounded. "Not drugs… please... not drugs…"

**Ponyboy**

I huff and heave. It's coming. I know it is. The panic attack is just around the corner. My heart pounds and I know I'm going to die."

**Flash**

_My head aches and I just want to die. Please father give me some more stuff. I hate it but I need it. Please father. "Father..." I croak. He just opens the closet door and laughs._

"_Withdrawal is heck aint it kid." He taunts. I am sobbing harder now. _

_I'm soaked in blood and urine and vomit. I want to die. Please father let me die. "Fa.. Father.." he laughs and give me a kick. _

"_You're weak kid. You've done this before. You better learn to handle it kid. Be a man." He grabs rope and ties my feet and arms together. I'm shaking. He knows I want to beg. He shuts the door. I'm alone again. I just want to die._

**Flash**

_My mind is in a daze. There is a fog that will not lift. My mouth is dry and I feel limp like a rag doll. I am happy, so happy and I can't even tell why. _

**Flash**

_It hurt it hurt, oh geeze it hurts. My stomach rumbles and the shit piles out. I can smell it. I'm nauseous, I'm nauseous. I throw up and the bile spills all over my shirt front. My body aches all over and I want to cry out in pain but I know father will hear m e. I'm shivering. Whether it is because I am cold or because I am scared I do not know. Nothing feels right and I don't think it ever will again. I need a shot, I need a shot. I need a shot. But I don't want one and it scares me….._

**Flash**

_There are Goosebumps all over my arms. I'm twitching all over. They're crawling all over me, the roaches. They're crawling and crawling. It stings and tickles. They're all different colors. They're eyes are glowing red and their taunting me. _

"_Shithead… Shithead... Shithead."_

"_Worthless… worthless…"_

"_baby baby."_

"_shitheads going to die… shitheads going to die… shitheads going to die…"_

"_He's coming to get you. We're coming to get you."_

"_First up the nose then the mouth."_

_They laugh and it sounds like father. I wish they'd go away… go away…."_

…………………

The nurse runs into the room. Darrel and his eldest son are trying to hold down Ponyboy. He's lost somewhere in his mind, kicking and screaming. His breathing is off, heavy and labored. His heart rate is up and he is crying, carrying about roaches and vomit. In the corner his mother sobs like a baby as her remaining son holds her.

The nurse pulls at a syringe and a vile. "Sedative."

She places the syringe inside the vile and then gives a nod to Darrel. He holds his son, thrashing down harder and harder, trapped within some living nightmare. "I'm sorry kiddo. I'm so sorry."

The nurse injects the needle into Ponyboy's arm and he gives an almighty scream. Within the next five minutes he quiets and goes ridged. His eyes close. His breathing is still heavy. The nurse inserts breathing tubes up his nose and walks out the door.

Darrel closes his eyes tightly so not to cry. He looks at his wife and they both know. Ponyboy won't be getting better on his own. He hates the idea of medicating his son. They both do. Ponyboy has had drugs forced on him too many times; too many times he's been forced to withdrawal. They are both afraid. But they know. The only way they can help their son is to hurt him. One step forward another two back. There is nothing to do but wait and do what the doctor has ordered.

Margaret lets go of Soda kissing his cheek. She tries to smile at Darry and walks over to sit at her husband's side. She leans into him and he holds her. She sobs into his shoulder he rubs her back. "it's okay. It's okay. We're going to get through this. He's going to be okay. Before…" He pauses to cup her chin. "Before you know it he'll be playing in the lot with the other boys."

Margaret sighs. If only…If only… They were all of them trapped in some surreal dream. A child's suffering, a parent's worst dream come true. "_If only", she thinks "if only we could wake up."_

**Hope you all enjoyed it. Read and Review. (: Thanks for all your kind reviews thus far. I am doing much better know in health and happiness. **


	59. Zombie

**Disclaimer- I do now own **_**The Outsiders**_

Dallas took a puff of his cigarette as he laid the flush down. He pulled the pile of pennies towards him. "So how's the kid?"

Two-bit Matthews took a swig of his beer and wiped the dripping liquid from his chin. "Aint been by there. But let's put it this way. Soda's been missing an awful lot of school. Aint no way his mom and dad'd allow that unless something was up."

Steve Randle moved quickly to shuffle the cards in his hands. "Talked to him yesterday. He was picking up some food at the Dingo. Said the kid aint too good these days. They drugged him up you know."

There was a moment of silence. Johnny Cade gulped and eyed his lap. Dallas popped his knuckles. Two-Bit simply shook his head. "Bet he aint to happy about that."

Steve shrugged. "Soda didn't say much about it but he did say they had to strap the kid to the hospital bed when they gave him the first shot."

Johnny closed his eyes. _"He used to be your best friend. His home was heaven compared to yours. Now it's the other way around. How can you even begin to feel sorry for yourself…."_ "Do they know when he's coming home?"

Steve shook his head. "His arms fine but…" Steve made a crazy sighing, twirling his finger in a circle. "He aint all there in the head if you know what I mean………."

**Tulsa Memorial Hospital**

The thing he noticed most about his brother was that the medicine made him shake. When he wasn't shaking he was sleeping and he slept a lot. Someone was always there to watch him. Usually himself or his mother. His father and brother always seemed to be working.

Green eyes opened up to meet his own brown. They were glazed and hazy. "HI.. um.. um.."

"Soda." He corrected.

His brother's eyebrows knit in confusion, another side effect that could not be forgotten. "Sorry."

"it's okay. Are you feeling okay today kid?" Ponyboy shrugged indifferently. Soda's eyes lingered over to his brother's left arm moving up and down.

"I don't know. Whats the word for.. um you know when you just ae?"

"Blah."

Ponyboy nodded yawning. "Yeha, that." Soda frowned. Blah wasn't good. He wanted his brother to be happy.

**Flash**

_Darry ran into the Dingo, our gang's after rodeo hangout. I was taking a sip of my milkshake laughing at one of Steve's jokes. Darry grabbed me by the shoulders. I turned around. I'd never seen him so white. "Soda hospital now…"_

"_What is it?"_

"_Pony… he, he… he shot himself…."_

_I threw up then and there._

Sodapop closed his eyes. No blah… wasn't so bad after all.

"I hope you come home soon. We could go to the movies. I bet you would love them."

"Okay.. whatever.." His eyelids drooped. Sodapop sighed. Blah wasn't the word. It seemed to him Zombie was more appropriate

**Sorry for the Short Chapter.**.


	60. Pulse

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**the Outsiders**_

_Sodapop closed his eyes. No blah… wasn't so bad after all. _

"_I hope you come home soon. We could go to the movies. I bet you would love them."_

"_Okay.. whatever.." His eyelids drooped. Sodapop sighed. Blah wasn't the word. It seemed to him Zombie was more appropriate_

_The thing he noticed most about his brother was that the medicine made him shake. When he wasn't shaking he was sleeping and he slept a lot. Someone was always there to watch him. Usually himself or his mother. His father and brother always seemed to be working. _

_Green eyes opened up to meet his own brown. They were glazed and hazy. "HI.. um.. um.."_

"_Soda." He corrected._

_His brother's eyebrows knit in confusion, another side effect that could not be forgotten. "Sorry."_

"_it's okay. Are you feeling okay today kid?" Ponyboy shrugged indifferently. Soda's eyes lingered over to his brother's left arm moving up and down._

"_I don't know. What's the word for.. um you know when you just ae?"_

"_Blah." _

_Ponyboy nodded yawning. "Yeha, that." Soda frowned. Blah wasn't good. He wanted his brother to be happy. _

**May 1966**

Steve Randle can't pretend that he's not worried about his best friend. Soda is not himself. He is someone else and Steve is not so sure he likes the new person. It seemed that the more Ponyboy withdrew into himself the more he moved Sodapop into a depression. Soda didn't smile. When Soda wasn't smiling nothing seemed right with the world.

When the kid first came back he had never seen Soda so relived. Steve remembered when the kid had gone missing. Soda he'd been awful. How does an eight year old handle the fact that his kid brother could be dead? Then again how does a sixteen year old deal with the fact that his thirteen year old brother is hardly alive?

"Come on Soda. It'll be good for you. A little drag racing never hurt anybody. I've missed you at the races. We can't disappoint the ladies. They're gonna begin to think it aint worth coming. After all you are the main attraction."

Soda's lips twitched upward but he shook his head. "I don't think so Steve. "

Steve Randle shook his head right back at his friend. "Soda, Soda, Soda you can't just sit around like a knot on a log. That aint going to get the kid any better."

Soda frowned. "I know that Steve. I aint stupid you know."

Steve Randle was taken aback. "I know that Soda….. It's just." Steve wished that he was better at things like this. He was many things but a therapist he was not.

Steve put a hand on his best friend's shoulder. "You can't stop living just because the kid aint all there. You know it would just upset him. He was feeling guilty enough Soda…."

Soda shrugged. He didn't know what to say back.

Darry walked out onto the porch then. He'd over heard it all. He grunted. Soda jumped and turned around. Darry eyed him coolly. Then he broke into a sad smile. "Come on buddy. I'll go too. We'll call the rest of the guys make a night of it. You can't just stay cooped up. Mom and dad are starting to worry about you Pepsi-Cola. They have enough on their plate. Pony'll be fine. He's just sleeping right now anyway."

"Fine…"

Steve gave a sigh of relief. He gave Darry a grateful nod. Darry returned it. "Know come on little buddy. Let's go get dressed."

"Yeha okay." Soda walked inside the house. His mom and dad were sitting on the sofa, enjoying a moment's relaxation. He walked over and kissed his mom on the cheek. "Me, Darry and the guys are heading out. "

His mom gave a sad smile. She cupped his chin. "It's good to see you going out again."

Darrel looked over to his older son. "Make sure Soda stays out of trouble. You know how he can be." Then he gave a halfhearted chuckle. "Just be careful. Okay boys."

"Yes sir."

Soda gave his brother a nod and headed back to their room to change. He stopped just outside Ponyboy's open door. He poked his head in. Ponyboy was half asleep staring blankly at the ceiling. Soda decided to walk in.

"Hey buddy…." He paused. "Me and Darry, we're meeting the guys downtown. We thought we'd haunt down some action. Do you want to come?"

There was no answer. Soda sighed and walked over to the bed. Ponyboy was pale, his breathing heavy. His eyes were glassy. It wasn't anything new.

Soda looked down at his brother sadly. He was beginning to think he liked his brother when he thought he was Charles Davenport. It wasn't that he wanted his brother to be in the same circumstances but his attitude was better.

Charles Davenport was smart as whip. He had helped Soda to pass math, a feat he had never before accomplished. Sometimes Charles smiled. This version of his brother never smiled. He always slept. He was always confused.

"Kid?"

Ponyboy yawned and blinked his eyes. "Too.. tired."

Sodapop swept back his hair. "Okay kiddo." He walked out of the room shaking his head.

There was something about being behind the wheel of a car that just seemed to make the whole world right. All thoughts were pushed from his mind and the adrenalin took over. It was like a drug addictive and gave a rush like nothing else he had ever experienced. A good race was the best way to forget your troubles no matter how bad they were and Sodapop Curtis really needed this dose of excitement.

He gripped the steering wheel hard and firm as Steve slid into the seat beside him. "Are you sure you're up to this buddy?"

Soda nodded his shoulders tense and his eyes focused. He needed this. "I'm fine." He gave a daring grin in hopes to dispel any notion Steve might have that he was otherwise. He removes one hand off the steering wheel. He and Steve give high fives and quickly grasp each other's hands. They are a team that has never been beaten. Right now racing seems to be the only way he can win at anything. Soda desperately needs to win, something, anything.

The doors close and the engines reve. Soda is ready. He is ready for this. His hands are both on the steering wheel once more. His foot is right above the gas pedal. He looks straight ahead. His eyes are focused ready. If only he could apply this kind of drive to his school work.

A girl steps out to the middle of the road. She is quite the looker in her tight skirt and sweater. Her hair was brown and curly. She was not too shabby but Soda couldn't think about that right now. She held a scarf in her hand and he was waiting for it to go down. One… two..three.. The scarf is down and he presses hard on the gas. The car is going, going gone.

Soda moves through the curves and windings of the road as if merely floating. He is one with the car and his mind is at piece. Steve is whooping and hollering. He is enjoying this as much as Soda. The blue car next to them was speeding up. Soda hit the gas. The blue car edged closer.

Soda tired to pull away. The road isn't very wide. He tries to pull in front of the blue car. Too bad the blue car is trying to do the same. The last thing he hears before blacking out is is Steve's frantic yell……..

**Meanwhile**

Darrel escorted his son to the bathroom. Ponyboy is in need of a bath. He has begun to smell. Grinning at thirteen year old he starts the tub running. "You'll feel better after a nice hot bath. "

Ponyboy doesn't do anything but yawn. His breath is uneven. His chest takes but he can't think of the words he needs to form to tell his dad this. So he is silent. Darrel helps his son undress. Ponyboy does not make a move to help him. Before the medication he would have fought his father off, scared of areas that have been decimated and desecrated too many times. Now he was still as a statue.

Darrel gave his son a weary smile. "Come on kid. Let's get you into the tub. "He grasped his son by the armpits and helped him into the warm water. Ponyboy sat down with a small splash. Darrel turned the water off. The tub was nice and full.

"I'll be back in a few minutes. Can you manage?"

"Okay." He drawled drowsily."

Darrel walks out of the room and into the kitchen. He doesn't hear the hitch in his youngest son's breath……..

**Wow sixty chapters. I cannot believe it. I'll try to update as often as I can. Right now I am taking some college courses online. I hope you enjoy this. What will happen next? Read to find out. **


	61. Hospital Again

**I tried to finish this in time for good fic day. I have been having a bit of writer's block so it was hard to crank out this one. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_**.**

Time ticks away like fastly flowing drifts. Had they been there minutes, hours, and days? The white walls were closing in faster and faster. Claustrophobia was setting in. Too much time, too much time was spent in these hard plastic chairs. The wall clock clicks and tick, clicks and ticks. The hands are hypnotizing, mesmerizing. He cannot bring himself to look away.

Beside him his wife runs her shaking hands through her curly locks. She is all trembles and shakes. Her face is bleak and pale. She cannot look up, she does not want to see a doctor enter, bad news slipping from his tongue as obvious as the bloodstains she is sure will be plastered on his coat. She cannot.

The young man sits on the far side of the room. The lot of them remain silent, still on moving and unyielding. They cannot find words to express the pain, the fear which they know they can never show. Courage, aloofness they cannot show anything but. Although the emotions are eating away they fight back to keep a steely resolve. The minute they siece they know the dam will burst. They cannot afford any lose bricks from their thick walls.

The young man's mind is racing. He cannot forget. He cannot get the picture out of his head. He shuts his eyes and it comes into clearer focus. The sights, the sounds, the smells are all there. They do not leave him.

**Flash**

_Darry's heart froze. His stomach plummeted within his chest. He felt sick. The impact still flashed in his mind. One minute his brother was easing in front of the other car and then the next… Metal against metal, steal against steal… the sound was horrible. The cars began to smoke. Darry found his legs were running before his mind had even sent the message to do so. _

_The sight was just as sickening as the sound. The metal of the two vehicles twisted around one another in a sickening crunch. Were it not for color Darry could not tell where one began and the other ended. Smoke began to rise from the derbies. His adrenalin went into overdrive. He looked back at his friends. His heart was now pounding. _

"_Run… go.. get help.." Like a flash they were off. _

_Darry rushed closer to the wreck. Soda was jammed in between the two demolished heaps. He was pierced and pinned in. His head was breathing profusely. Blood, blood was everywhere. "Soda, Soda…" There is no response. "Soda…" Nothing, not even a sound. _

_The engine begins to smoke and Darry prays that help will come in time. _

Across the room the man hasn't moved. His eyes still lay fixed on the clock of the wall. With every tick his eyes twitched. Tick, tick, the beating of a metronome, the beating of a heart. He gulped, the beating of a heart…

**Flash**

_Darrel opened the carton and poured himself a glass of chocolate milk. He took a sip. "So refreshing…." The chocolate milk was thick and sweet. He smiled briefly. "One moment of peace…" He set the glass down sighing. He had to check on Ponyboy again. The way the medication affected his son unnerved him. He shuttered as the thoughts entered his head. He couldn't stand the thought of his boy, the living corpse. _

_Darrel walked towards the bathroom., he doubted if his son had even started washing yet, Ponyboy didn't do much of anything these days, but he could always hope…_

_The sparse room was silent as he walked in. Darrel turned his head towards the old tub shower combo. The yellowed curtain was flung open and in the water…. His throat dropped into his chest. He froze. In the water, still unmoving, head under was… was his son. _

"_Pony!" Hr rushed to the tub and dragged the boys necked body from the water. He laid him gently on the floor. Darrel gave the boy a small shake. His lips were blue and his face a strange pale shade. "Ponyboy, Ponyboy.."_

_The boy wasn't breathing. He wasn't breathing. "Margaret…Margaret…"_

_Darrel breathed in heavily. He opened his son's mouth and began to blow air into the empty air sacs , thankful for the first time for summer he had been laid off and found work as a pool lifeguard. _

"_Come on buddy breath, please…."_

The woman sat silent. How had it come to this? How had she come to this point? She could not bear the thought of losing any of her boys and she knew that before the night was up she may very well loose two of them.

Sighing she moved her hands from her hair and placed them in her lap and simply stared down at them. Her boys, her precious boys…

**Flash**

_She grabbed hold of each of their hands as they walked down the road to the park. They could not have been more than three and six years old. As soon as they approached Sodapop yanked himself free and made a mad dash for the slide. Ponyboy kept his hand firmly in hers._

"_Don't you want to play Ponyboy?"_

_Ponyboy gave a small nod. "Swing mommy. I want to swing."_

_A smile greeted her face. "Okay sweet let's go to the swings." Ponyboy grinned happily as he pulled his mother onward._

**Flash**

_Her gaze was unfocused as she listened to the dial tone waiting for the paramedic to respond. Milliseconds seemed to last hours as the man finally speaks._

"_Was he breathing?"_

_She gulps. "No my husband, he….he's trying breath for him."_

_More silence. Then he speaks again. "The ambulance is on its way mame. Tell your husband not to stop."_

_Tears are stinging her eyes. She has not been so afraid since gun shots rang through the house not so long ago. 'Yes.. ah… of course." She hangs up the fun. As she does the door slam opens. Dallas Winston is panting. His knees are bent and he can barley catch his breath._

"_Soda… drag racing… wreck." _

_For the second time that night Margaret's heart breaks…_

A man in a white coat enters the cramped waiting error. His face is stern and tired. Darrel is the first to see him. They have not met this particular doctor before. Darrel gives his wife a slight shake. Slowly her head lifts up. Four young men walk towards the doctor. Their ears, like the adult couple, are wide open.

The doctor clears his throat. "Are you the family of Ponyboy Curtis?"

Darrel extends a hand. "Yes sir, and Sodapop. He was brought in here separately…"

"Ah yes.. I am not his physician but from what I understand he is still in surgery."

Surgery.. he was still alive!

Darrel cleared his throat. "And what about Ponyboy?"

A frown crossed the doctor's face. "Perhaps we can talk in my office…"

Margaret gasped holding her hands to her mouth. _"No..no.."_

"We'd like for you to tell us here if you don't mind." Darrel said pulling his wife closer.

The man nodded. "Very well then." He licked his lips. "I am afraid Ponyboy has suffered a heart attack."

If the room was quiet before it was silent now. The boys looked between each other. How on earth does a kid have a heart attack?


	62. Heart Attack

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**the Outsiders.**_

_A man in a white coat enters the cramped waiting error. His face is stern and tired. Darrel is the first to see him. They have not met this particular doctor before. Darrel gives his wife a slight shake. Slowly her head lifts up. Four young men walk towards the doctor. Their ears, like the adult couple, are wide open._

_The doctor clears his throat. "Are you the family of Ponyboy Curtis?"_

_Darrel extends a hand. "Yes sir, and Sodapop. He was brought in here separately…"_

"_Ah yes.. I am not his physician but from what I understand he is still in surgery."_

_Surgery.. he was still alive!_

_Darrel cleared his throat. "And what about Ponyboy?"_

_A frown crossed the doctor's face. "Perhaps we can talk in my office…"_

_Margaret gasped holding her hands to her mouth. "No..no…"she thinks silently._

"_We'd like for you to tell us here if you don't mind." Darrel said pulling his wife closer._

_The man nodded. "Very well then." He licked his lips. "I am afraid Ponyboy has suffered a heart attack."_

_If the room was quiet before it was silent now. The boys looked between each other. How on earth does a kid have a heart attack?_

Darrel froze on the spot. His eyes grew huge. His eldest son gulped. "Excuse me sir, did you just say heart attack?"

The man nodded his head. "Yes, I am afraid so."

Margaret Curtis let out a gasp. It couldn't be true. It just couldn't be true. Her son was too young to have a heart attack. He was not even fourteen yet. "How did this happen?"

The doctor cleared his throat. "I am sure you have been told before that due to the constant drug usage and withdrawal while under the care so to speak of Mr. Davenport Ponyboy's heart was put under severe stress. His heart has been severely weakened from that alone. He has had multiple injuries and surgeries in the past months. And the medication he was put on….."

"What about the medication?"

The doctor narrowed his eyes. He pushed his glasses up the brim of his nose. "Quite frankly I am surprised he was even prescribed the medication. It is advised that those with heart conditions do not take the drugs prescribed but the amount your son was given… it is atrocious to even think consider."

"Doctor Housemen assured us it was perfectly safe." Darrel gulped. He could not get the image of his son fighting and flailing as he was told they were going to drug him. _"He knew."_ Darrel thought painfully. _"He knew…."_

"Doctor Housemen will be facing the ethics committee. Ponyboy should never have been given the medication something Doctor Housemen should have well known."

"What exactly happened with the medication?"

Every turned to face of all people Dallas Winston. He gave a shrug. "What?"

Narrowing his eyes once more the doctor liked his lips. "A heart attack is caused by a blood clot. His inactivity may have brought it on or it could have been a side effect. We know for instance that Chlorprothixene is known to cause massive hypertension and tachycardia. That is high blood pressure and heart rate. The heart attack was caused by a block in the coronary artery. Blood flow and oxygen were reduced and the heart muscle died. "

Margaret instantly grabbed her husband's hand. She was very close to tears. "Is he.. is he going to be okay."

"We are currently lowering his doses little by little. Withdrawal would be deadly. We have him on oxygen and are monitoring his condition. Time will tell us if he'll make it through the night."

Darrel brought his wife close. She buried her head in his shoulder. He rubbed her back. "Thank you. Can we see him?"

"We're getting him settled in the pediatric ICU I'll send a nurse down to get you when we have him situated."

Darrel nodded holding out his hand. "Thank you." The doctor gave the hand a warm shake.

"Just doing my job sir." He turned to leave.

Sodapop flashed within Darrel's mind. How could he have forgotten about his bubbly and sunny boy? He reached out his hand. "Wait..."

"My son, Sodapop... can you try to find something about his condition."

"I will send his physician over to the ICU as soon as he is done in surgery."

"Thank you... for everything."

He nodded. "Just doing my job sir." And he walked away. Darrel sighed. He looked at his family. His wife, his son and the boys who he had treated as such for many, many years now. The weight of the world was on his shoulders.

"We'll just have to wait and see."

His wife looked up. She sighed. "Boys why don't you go home and get some rest? It is going to be a long night."

Two-bit stood up. "No ma'am. We'll be staying right here." Such good boys, they may have been hoods, but they had big hearts. They were anything if not loyal.

"Okay then." She looked at her oldest son. His shoulders were hunched, his face stony and slack. She walked over to him. "Darry…."

"I'm fine mom, really" She knew better, but Margaret said nothing. It was going to be a long night, a very long night.


	63. Grateful News

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_**. I am sorry it took so long to update. I had midterms to study for and a plethora of boring essays to write.. I am trying to finish my AA by Christmas. **

**In honor of Good Fic Day I give you my chapter. **

Darrel Curtis has always been a patient man but a man can only wait so long. The sparse room seemed cramped and lifeless. There was a pregnant silence that filled the air, interrupted only by the beeping of the heart monitors. Darrel sighed. Nobody had ever told him silence could be louder then noise but he knew better now. The silence had been a constant in his life ever since Ponyboy had come back into their lives. Ponyboy….

He reached out his hand and stroked the small teenager's pale right cheek. He stared at him as the two small oxygen tubes brought clean air into his body. The boy's lips were still a slight shade of blue. His hair was mussed and tussled.

His wife's hand moved to his shoulder and she peaked behind him at their youngest son. Worry lines crossed her forehead. She wondered so much bad happen so fast. "My poor baby." Neither knew if she was referring to this latest fiasco or the past eight years or so of their son's life. Darrel might have been inclined to place money on the latter.

He sighed. His son deserved so much better. He stroked his son's cheek once more. "We never should have made you take that medicine." Margaret sighed along with him. "We couldn't have known dear." Darry shook his head. She had not been the one to hold their son down.

_The nurse runs into the room. Darrel and his eldest son are trying to hold down Ponyboy. He's lost somewhere in his mind, kicking and screaming. His breathing is off, heavy and labored. His heart rate is up and he is crying, carrying about roaches and vomit. In the corner his mother sobs like a baby as her remaining son holds her._

_The nurse pulls at a syringe and a vile. "Sedative."_

_She places the syringe inside the vile and then gives a nod to Darrel. _

_He holds his son, thrashing down harder and harder, trapped within some living nightmare. "I'm sorry kiddo. I'm so sorry."_

_The nurse injects the needle into Ponyboy's arm and he gives an almighty scream. Within the next five minutes he quiets and goes ridged. His eyes close. His breathing is still heavy. The nurse inserts breathing tubes up his nose and walks out the door._

_Darrel closes his eyes tightly so not to cry._

The door opens and their oldest son walks into the room. "They guys went to see Steve…."

Darrel and Margaret have neither one given a thought to their middle son's best friend. Both were fond of the boy who had been their son's "partner in crime" for ten years or more; but more than that they knew that if anything happened to him their son would never be the same. Their son…..

"How is he?"

Darry put his hands in his pockets and looked past them toward Ponyboy. His face was white. _"I never should have let them race…." _ "They wouldn't tell us anything much but he has some bad burns. I don't know what else."

Margaret left her husband and walked over to her oldest boy. It hurts to see him in so much pain. She put a hand on his shoulder. She has paid little attention to Darry or for that matter Soda's own troubles these past months. For that she felt immeasurable guilt.

She wrapped her arms around him. How long had it been since she had held her oldest son? She didn't know. Darry laid his head on his mother's shoulders. "Will they be okay ma?"

Margaret held him tighter. She did not have a good answer.

Just then the door opened once more. A doctor walked in and sighed. "I was told you would be up here with the younger boy, most unfortunate…."

Darrel kissed his son's forehead and joined his wife and eldest son by the doctor. "How is he? How is Sodapop?"

The doctor sighed shaking his head. "Sodapop suffered severe second and third degree burns over fifteen percent of his body, suffered three broken ribs, a minor concussion, internal bleeding, several lacerations… We had to remove his spleen but baring infection he should live without it. There was a spinal injury…"

Darrel shivered. "Spinal, do you mean he won't be able to walk?" Margaret gasped.

The doctor sighed. "With physical therapy he should at the very least be able to use crutches with comfort. With some hard work he may even be able to walk crutchless with little more then a limp."

Darry lifted his head up. he felt sick _"I should have never let him race."_

Margaret took a deep breath though she would very much like to cry. "Will he.. is he…"

"Your son is a very lucky young man Mrs. Curtis. He was the most severely injured of all crash victims but baring infection I do have every hope that Sodapop should survive this. There will be some scaring from the burns but his face is clean, just a few nicks and cuts. I can arrange for him to be brought to this room if you like."

Darrel nodded his head. "We'd like that very much. Sodapop will probably be worried sick about Ponyboy. He'll rest easier this way."

With a nod of his head the doctor made to leave. Darrel gave a sigh of relief. For now both his sons were stable. They had hard times ahead of them, very hard times. The thought of his aptly named son in a wheelchair or on crutches killed him inside, true enough. He hated the thought of his dancing, bareback riding son being brought down. He felt guilty for not paying enough attention to Soda's hurt. If he had maybe Soda would never have been so reckless, as he always was more so when distraught.

Darrel ran his hands through his hair and looked back at Ponyboy, who slept soundly. His boys would live. They would live. There was at least something to be grateful for. He only hoped more grateful times were ahead.

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter a long in time in coming. **


	64. The Idea

**I do not own **_**The Outsiders **_**I just realized I have been writing this for over a year. This has been my pet project over my freshman year of college. I will be sad when I finally finish, but I can't say that part of me isn't ready for other stories.**

Sodapop Curtis was no stranger to pain. He had been in various rumbles and school yard fights for as long s he could remember. Broken ribs, sprains, cuts, stitch; he had encountered them all in his sixteen years, but nothing like this. Nothing could compare to the pain, the burning, searing pain. If it was there, it ached. His legs were numb, almost as if asleep and that was agitating in and of itself.

He'd walk again, his mom and the doctor both had had assured him. At worst he'd be on crutches but he wouldn't be in a chair forever but for now he was in bed and under orders not to move any more then necessary. Sodapop hated to stay still, he always had. He had fidgeted all of his life. Now he had no choice. It hurt to move anyways but Sodapop would have liked the option. It was so boring, so painful.

He was glad his parents had left to go down to the cafeteria. Sodapop Curtis hated that look his mother had been flashing, her head turning back and forth from himself and his younger brother. Soda turned his head to his brother in the bed beside him. The oxygen tubes were gown but he was still asleep. The medicine was slowly being withdrawn from his system. Soda sighed.

He was ready to admit that he never should have raced. A good race had always helped his nerves, burned off extra feeling; but he shouldn't have taken the risks. His family had enough to worry about without his near death experience added to the plate. Soda felt guilty.

He recalled that look his father had given him, so sad, so worried. He had not seen his father genuinely happy in a long time and Soda felt as if he had made the situation worse.

The door opened and Steve Randle came into the room. "Hey buddy, how you holding up?" He was walking hooked to an IV. His face was stitched and he looked pretty heavily bandaged. As if to expand on this site Steve winced. "Mind if I sit down?" He nodded to the chair beside Soda's bed. 'Don't worry it looks worse than it is."

Sodapop smiled, to humor his longtime best friend. "Sorry I got you into this man."

Steve shook his head. "Heck it was my idea."

"Yeha but I was driving."

Steve shrugged. "It was an accident. The way we drive it was bound to have one sooner or later. Just be thankful we weren't in Two-Bit's hunk –a-junk."

Soda almost felt like laughing, but the heaviness of their situation weighed down on his shoulders. "MMM."

Steve whistled. For the first time in his life he was speechless. Making conversation had never been hard, not with Soda. Steve usually couldn't even filter what he said, leading to many a black eye. Now he barely knew where to begin. Sodapop wasn't the only one who understood the gravity of the situation. Finally, "So how's the kid?"

Soda let out a sigh and stared at the ceiling. A pain shot up his arm but he tried to ignore it. He counted to three and then answered his friend. "Better, they're weaning him off that junk. He should live anyways."

Steve ran a hand threw his non greased hair. "And you? How are you doing buddy?" Steve knew good and well how Soda was doing. The guys had filled him in. He also knew more or less what Soda was thinking. Over ten years of friendship had taught him to do that much. But he still wanted to hear it from Soda all the same. Soda had always listened to him, always.

Soda continued to stare at the ceiling.

"Soda?"

"It just hurts sometimes…usually don't. Everything below is sort of numb. You know like when your foot falls asleep." When Steve said nothing he went on. "I think mom and dad got it worse though. And Darry, he looks…" Soda took in a breath. "awful."

"He feel guilty?"

"Yeha."

Steve shook his head. "Well he doesn't need to. He should know you'd have got in the car if he wanted you to our not. You've always liked a good drag race. I mean one wreck in what, a hundred. Nobody's fault, sept maybe that other driver. Man he saw you changing lanes…"

"I don't want to talk about it."

Steve sighed. "You tired?"

"Yeha."

Steve eased himself up. He leaned over Soda's bed and grasped his hand. Soda winced. "Take it easy man."

Soda yawned, the stress of the past few days and his injuries finally overtaking him. "Yeha, you too."

**Meanwhile**

Darrel Curtis took a bite of his hamburger as the doctor across from him fiddled with a cookie. His wife simply stared at her plate. His son leaned back his "It's good news really Mr. Curtis."

"What are you playing at? I've already have one doctor here nearly kill my son. What's to say you won't do the same?"

"Doctor Houseman is an exception and has been suspended without pay. As for me I promise you, I have only your boys' best interest at heart. I really think this could be beneficial to the both of them."

"Both of them?" Margaret asked, lifting her head.

The physician nodded. "Yes, both Ponyboy and Sodapop"

Darry leaned forward in his chair and his father sat the burger down. "Go on…"

The doctor licked his lips. He gave a weary smile. "As you know Ponyboy had a heart attack. His heart was weak before Doctor Houseman prescribed the medicine that helped to induce the attack. While he will live his heart his still very weak, weaker than before. There is not much we can do for him medically but that's not exactly true…"

Margaret sighed. For months now she had been told over and over again what was best for her son. Almost every time it ended in disaster. Why should this time be any different? "So…"

"We can however, put Ponyboy on a special diet and rehabilitation program."

Darry leaned forward hands under his chin._"What about Soda. Doesn't anyone care about him?" _

Darrel cocked his head. "What does this have to do with Sodapop?"

"Sodapop will need physical therapy in order to walk again. A light exercise program to begin with and then a little more each day might improve Ponyboy's heart health. Now Sodapop, you mentioned, is a people person, very social, very energetic…"

"We've always thought he was the very definition of his name." Margaret said smiling sadly, remembering a cherub faced little boy who bounced off the walls and always cheered her up.

"Yes, well. What I mean to say is that injuries like this, especially with the already existing psychological stress, Sodapop is going to be a bit on edge. Depression is not out of the question. I have been informed that before Ponyboy was discovered he was living under an assumed name. he and Sodapop were in a Math class together. Is this true?"

"Yes, he took a liking to Sodapop."

"That's what I thought. Ponyboy will more likely than not be wary of doctors and therapists. He may even be resentful to you for this situation but Sodapop…"

Darrel hung his head in shame. "Sodapop he might let in, like before."

The physician nodded. "Exactly, the social interaction will do them both good. And there will be a bit of competiveness. Perhaps Ponyboy will finally be somewhat assertive. It might make therapy fun for the two of them and alleviate psychological stress in a way that is natural."

Margaret smiled. "It sounds better than any suggestions anyone else has made."

Darry cleared his throat. "What make you think they'll want to do this?"

His father stood up. He walked over behind Darry and out a hand on his son's shoulder. "Because we all know Soda gets high off of being around people. Having somebody working with him will make his recovery go faster. Ponyboy barley trusts us; he'd never trust a stranger. If anyone has a chance at warming him up its Soda. Soda has a way of opening people up. he may get Pony to talk."

"_Soda does have a way….."_

_**Flashback**_

_He sat in a chair in the pediatric family lobby, rest area, and empty for now. "How'd you know where to find me?"_

_Soda plopped down beside him. He gave a nervous laugh. "I figured it had to do something with Pony. You couldn't go to __**that**__ room but this was open enough."_

_"Oh."_

_Darry stared straight ahead. His eyes were glassy."_

_"You okay?"_

_"One of the last times I ever saw him normal was in this room, you know. This chair, he sat in my lap. He loved me then."_

_Soda felt like the hamburger he ate was going to come back up. He gulped. He sighed, searching for the right words. "Its not that he doesn't love you Dar, he's, he's." Soda put his face in his hands. "Did I tell you about when I first met him in school?"_

_Darry shook his head. "No, I guess I didn't really think about it." He slouched into his seat without saying a word. I got a weird vibe from this kid that I couldn't shake off. He didn't look at me, just stared at the desk as Miss Bell went on teaching. He was weird, withdrawn. Once Curly and his guys actually helped the socials beat him up."_

_Darry looked at his brother then. Soda nodded. "He took it Darry. He curled in a ball and let them beat him up. He didn't cry, didn't move. And he never talked... But I did try to be friendly and he was still shy. You know what I think….."_

_Darry shook his head. Soda tried to grin. "I think he wanted a friend, wanted to be loved and still does. It isn't that he doesn't love you Darry. He's confused. He doesn't remember what its like to have a good family. He's learning but still. This is all new for him. He loves us all he just doesn't know how to show it."_

_Darry shook his head. "It's not the same Soda. He was happy. He trusted me."_

_Sodapop frowned. "he trusted me too Darry and I let him down. He came to school ruffed up sometimes. I knew something was going on and I did nothing. Nothing! I should have known he was Pony... I should have been able to tell."_

_Sodapop pushed back his tears. "At least you befriended him. __**At least you didn't cause all this in the first place."**_

_"Darry?" Darry's eyes were red. Soda stared alarmed. Darry rarely cried._

_"I was sick too. Why did I have to be sick. Mom should have been at the hospital. If she was… "_

_"Darry….."_

_"Do I have to spell it out for you Soda? It's my fault. Mine. Four nine years, nine years I've had to live with that. How would you like to know that if it wasn't for you Ponyboy would have never gone missing? That it's your fault Pony had to live with that, that sadistic bastard?"_

_"Darry what are you saying. It's not your fault. You couldn't help you were sick."_

_"I was sick though Soda and because I was Ponyboy will never get to be a normal happy kid."_

_Sodapop put a hand on his brother's arm. "That's not true Darry. You were a kid you needed mom there. Its not your fault. If not then, then maybe it would have been another time. You're a good brother. What about the trial? Do you know how much you helped him? You got him to testify. Pony'd never been able to do that on his own. And Pony's gotten so much better already. It'll take time but you'll see Darry. He can be happy again. We just got to be there for him."_

_Soda paused moment thinking. "Look at Johnny. His home life aint near as bad but it's rough. We all stand by him. He has times when he just wants to give up but there other times too. He laughs and plays football. Johnny plays pinball and poker. He jokes sometimes. Maybe with time Ponyboy will too. We're going to teach him to play ball and maybe mom can teach him piano. Things will get better soon."_

_Darry tried to smile. "I wish I had your optimism."_

_"Mom always did say we should bottle whatever makes me, me up. We'd make a fortune."_

_"And a half."_

"That's true…."

"Maybe Ponyboy will get Sodapop talking too. It will do them both good."

Darry nodded. "I hope so."

Darrel looked at his wife. She nodded. "Doctor Johanna, we'll try it."

**Okay so not my best chapter but an update was calling. I tried to end the chapter on a positive note. Ponyboy was such an athlete it **_**The Outsiders**_**, track, rumbles, escaping socs; I feel the need to give him some sort of physical activity. I'll admit the wreck sort of had me writing myself into a corner but I think now it might work out. **


	65. Alternative Therapy

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

Baby steps, everything in its own time. Sodapop knew of course that this was true but he had never been patient at the best of times and this was far from the best of times. It wasn't that Sodapop Curtis hated exercise; he was very physically active person. Or at least, he had had been. This though, this was ridiculous. Sodapop's idea of physical activity differed vastly from his therapists. Sodapop loved football, baseball was okay and horseback riding was the best but weightlifting…. It was more Darry's thing than his.

Soda winched as his therapist pushed his legs up on the weight machine. The newly grafted skin pulled and pinched. Sodapop felt his muscles burn with exhaustion as sweat beaded down his forehead.

He turned his head towards his brother. As sorry as he felt for himself, Sodapop felt even worse for Ponyboy. It seemed like with his brother it was one step forward and two or more back. Ponyboy had not taken kindly to being medicated and after the heart attack; they were back to square one. Any progress that had been made when they had found him last December was gone now.

Sodapop sighed. Ponyboy's condition was putting a lot of stress on the family, financially and emotionally. Soda felt guilty for adding to it.

Across the room Ponyboy Curtis closed his eyes, his muscles tensed and he did not look up from the leg press. The man's shadow lurked over him, large and hulking, just like Leroy. He shivered. His heart pounded and his ears rang. Ponyboy would give anything to be anywhere but here, except… except maybe home. He had trusted them, trusted them and…. He recalled the large hands holding him down. They had given him those pills after he had begged, pleaded. The pills had done him in. He could think, couldn't breathe….

Years ago, months ago even, he would have given the world to be able to clear his mind, disappear but that was before he had actually been able to do it. His imagination had been his one escape and for a few terrible months he had not even had that.

To think he had trusted them. They were supposed to be different. His parents were supposed to love him, not drug him. Now, Ponyboy was not so sure what to think about anything, anymore. A large hand landed on his shoulder and he recoiled. "Just a little more son" The man's voice was thick and gruff. He shivered.

"Sam, you're terrifying the boy," an older male voice called. Ponyboy turned his head slightly. His brother's therapist, a sixty something man who had once coached high school baseball, was smiling at him. "Ponyboy why don't you come help me over here. I'm just about to help Soda with some stretching exercises."

Ponyboy looked down at the ground. Sodapop bit his lip. Stretching was the worst but he kind of wished Ponyboy would do what Sam asked. It would be nice to have some contact with his brother. "Come on kid, might be fun you know…."

Sighing Ponyboy pushed back on the leg press and stood up. He trudged over to an exercise mat and sat down. Sodapop wobbled over aided by crutches and Sam's steady grip. Sam and Tony, Ponyboy's therapist, eased him down. For his brother's sake, Sodapop tried to smile. "Not as comfy as our sofa but sure beats a weight machine, huh Ponyboy?"

Ponyboy didn't look up. Sodapop's shoulders fell. He looked pleadingly at Sam who shrugged. Sodapop licked his lips. Sam sighed. "Ponyboy can you help me bend Sodapop's leg. We need to help him stretch."

An idea popped in Soda's head. He forced a smile on his face once more. "It aint that bad kiddo, at least my feet stink. You should smell Darry's after a game of football, whew…." Ponyboy's mouth twitched. Soda gave a sigh of relief. There was nothing he could do to ease his parent's stress; they were both under a lot of pressure both emotionally and financially, most of which he had caused. There was nothing he could do to ease to ease Darry's guilt; no matter how many times he had tried to convince his brother that the accident was not his fault. But, he could at least try to pull Ponyboy out of his self-imposed shell. It was the least he could do.

Sam laughed. "You're a regular comedian," he shook his head and turned to Ponyboy. "Alright, Ponyboy. Just grasp it gently and let it bend at the knee. Be careful not to aggravate the area where the skin grafts are."

Ponyboy nodded meekly. He looked at his lap and took a sigh. Then he placed his boney hands around his brother's leg. Sodapop winced as Ponyboy bent his leg towards his chest. Ponyboy immediately let go. "I… I'm sorry… I didn't mean… mean it." He backed slowly away.

"You didn't do anything wrong buddy. It'd hurt no matter who did it. You're a lot gentler then muscles over there." He nodded toward Ponyboy's therapist. "Come on give it another try."

Ponyboy sighed and nodded. Sodapop knew that his brother did not know how to disobey any disorder and that any part of him that may have been inclined to before the medication fiasco , certainly did not exist now. He grabbed onto Soda's leg and stretched it. As the skin stretched it burned and stung, as if being pinched. Soda sighed. _"If it means he's interacting with me, then it is worth it. If I can get him to open up then, maybe mom and dad can stop worrying so much." _Sweat poured down Soda's forehead and his whole body ached but he was happy.

X X X X X

Soda hobbled into the bedroom of his youngest brother. Ponyboy was sitting curled at the edge. "Hey, aren't you hungry, mom made fried chicken?"

Ponyboy shook his head gloomily. Sodapop hobbled over and eased himself onto the bed. He gave a sigh of relief. "Feels good, Dad did a great job on this bed."

"MMm…."

"He always was good at woodworking."

"mmm…."

Sodapop shook his head. "You okay kid?" There was no answer. Soda reached out his hand and placed it on his brother's shoulder. Ponyboy flinched.

"I'm not going to hurt you. You didn't hurt me." Ponyboy stared down at the sheets, his ears turning red. Soda paused. "Is that what you thought?"

Again Ponyboy was silent. "You didn't… it was fun." Soda shook his head. "You've been awful quiet these past couple of months. It's nice spending time together, don't you think?"

Another shrug, "Ponyboy…"

"You know, I really do enjoy spending time with you, it's bad enough having to go through all this mess, I mean I know I brought it all on myself but…."

Ponyboy looked up. "huh?"

"Well I mean at least you don't have to be alone there. Me I like being around people. I know you aint crazy about it but its better together."

"I guess so."

"Kind of like math class. You were a big help, got me motivated. You do it in therapy too. Glory am I glad you're there. Would be lonely all on my own. I hate that you had the heart attack but it's nice having you there. We're all glad your okay."

Ponyboy folded his hands in his lap. He did not look Sodapop in the eyes. "I'm not hungry."

Soda gazed at him. "You've been avoiding us."

Ponyboy licked his lip. "I think I'd like to be alone now."

Soda lifted his chin so they were meeting face to face, eye to eye. "Mom and dad never meant to hurt you." Ponyboy tore his chin away and looked at the wall. Soda sighed and grabbed his crutches. It was a lost cause, for now.

"I'll bring you a plate, maybe we can eat together."

As Soda walked towards the door he heard Ponyboy call his name. "Soda?"

"Yeha buddy?"

Ponyboy sighed. "I didn't hurt you?"

"No, you didn't hurt me." _"Compared to what you've been through this is nothing at all."_

"Oh."

Soda started to limp away again. "Soda…"

He turned his head. "Yeha?"

"Thanks…"

Soda flashed his brother a grin."No problem." _"Baby steps, Soda, everything in its own time. Ponyboy will come round soon enough." _


	66. Jogging the Memory

**Disclaimer: I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

October 1966

The Harsh summer had turned to fall. The air had crisp and cool and the leaves had begun to fall. Ponyboy Curtis sat in a chair looking out the window. He sighed as he placed a palm on the glass. It was cool and smooth against his fingertips. He didn't hear his brother walk up behind him.

"Nice, isn't it?" Ponyboy jumped at the sound of Darry's deep, baritone voice. Darry gave a nervous laugh. "Sorry kiddo, I didn't mean to scare you. I thought I'd ask you if you wanted to try and go for a run with me."

Ponyboy turned around. He glanced at Darry and then quickly tore away his gaze.

Darry stepped forward and placed a hand on his younger brother's shoulder. Ponyboy flinched. Darry sighed. "I'm not going to hurt you buddy. It's just well the weather is perfect for a run. I usually like to do some exercise to get my mind of things. I thought it might be good for you." Darry pulled his hand away and moved both hands to his pockets.

"I understand if you don't want to… but it might be fun. It would be good for your heart."

Ponyboy twiddled his thumbs. He sighed. "I'll go with you.", his voice was barley a whisper.

Darry tried hard to contain his joy. _"He's going running with me, he's going to run with me…"_

Darry ruffled his brother's hair. "Let me get you my old football jacket, it'll keep you warm."

Ponyboy blushed. _"Why is he being so nice?"_ "You… you don't have to do that."

"I don't mind kiddo; really it's no trouble at all."

"_What if he just wants to get me alone and…."_ Ponyboy's face turned white. "Where are we…we going?"

"Just around the neighborhood kiddo, Mom and dad wouldn't want me to wear you out. We don't want you to have another heart attack." Darry paused. "I'll go get that jacket. You just get your shoes on."

Ponyboy nodded and Darry rushed out of the room to grab the jacket. He came back a few minutes later carrying a large grey pullover with a hood. Ponyboy looked up from tying his sneakers. "It's a little worn out but it should be pretty warm. I used to wear it during football practice in high school."

Ponyboy looked down at the floor. Darry reached out with the sweater. "Here, you can have it." Ponyboy blushed. Darry put it on his lap. "Come on kiddo," he said softly not wanting to startle his brother. "Put on the coat. We better get going."

Ponyboy clutched the hoodie. _"Maybe he's just being nice but…" _Ponyboy blinked. _"He has to have a motive. I was wrong about them before and look what happened... unless…" _He gulped. _"Maybe he really is being nice."_

Slipping the jacket over his head, Ponyboy stood up. Whether it was because he was so much shorter than his older brother, or simply because he was so slim, the jacket was very large on the thirteen year old. It hung to his knees and the sleeves went past his boney arms.

Darry gave a slight chuckle. "Glory kid, we need to get some meat on your bones."

"Mmm…" Ponyboy kicked at the floor.

"Ready kiddo?"

"Guess so"

Darry flashed him a smile. "It'll be fun." And so the two headed out the door.

Sweat beaded down Ponyboy's forehead, warm despite the crisp hair. He leaned over panting. "You okay kid?"

Ponyboy gave Darry a weak nod. "m'fine."

"You sure, you breathing okay, your chest hurt at all? If it is we can rest…"

Ponyboy looked up then, his gaze met Darry's and then quickly fell. _"He actually seems worried about me."_ He hunched his shoulders. "I'm sure."

Darry flashed him a smile. "You ready to go on?"

Ponyboy nodded and they were off.

**Pony**

My feet hammered against the pavement in a steady rhythm: 1-2-3-4 1-2-3-4 1-2-3-4. I could feel my heart beat within my chest. The cool breeze swept against my face, and I loved it. For the first time in my life I felt, what was it? I felt free. I had never before been allowed to just run anywhere, any way, as fast as I wanted to. I found a smile reaching my face as I ran ahead of Darry.

Darry was catching up with me. He was grinning, he had not been very cheerful as of late, but he was now. I could hear his laughing, and I realized, this is what he had in mind all along.

I grinned and stopped once more to catch my breath. Darry leaned over and put a hand on my shoulder. I flinched and my grin disappeared. . _"Maybe I was wrong after all, maybe he just wanted to get me alone…No, no he wouldn't do that…, would he"_

"Come on, I want to show you something."

I looked up. "Huh?" Darry shrugged.

"I have something to show you, come on."

I wasn't so sure but I'd honestly not like to disobey and test his temper. He hasn't been in the best of moods lately. "Okay." And we were off again.

When Darry finally stopped I stopped behind him. I looked around, panting. We were at a park. I gave him a quizzical look. Darry nodded to some benches and I followed him. We sat down. I lowered by glance to my dangling feet.

Darry let out a cough. I wasn't sure if it was real or fake. "So…" you could hear a pen drop. "I guess you're wondering why I brought you here." I shrugged, not looking up. I could barely make out Darry leaning back into the bench.

"I thought you might like it here. Mom used to bring the three of us, you me and Soda, all the time." He sighed sadly and then gave a rueful laugh. "You never wanted to leave."

I looked up. Darry had a wistful look in his eye. He almost looked sad. I wondered briefly how I could ever think he brought me here to hurt me. He tried to smile at me. "The last time you were here, was about a week before you went missing. Mom trusted me to bring Soda and you by myself."

I cocked my head to the side. "Mmm?"

"You were so happy. Your favorite thing that day was the swings. I had to practically pry you off…"

**Flash**

_The sky was grey and gloomy but I was… happy. Laughter filled the air. "Hiwer Dawwy, hiwer." More laughter, there was a feeling of flying. "Woopie!" Thump!_

_I began to sniffle. I'd skent my knee. Darry rushed to my side. "Hey, its okay, see its barley bleeding. Come on let's go to the water fountain and get this cleaned up." He lifted me up from the ground. _

**Flash**

_I was running ahead of Darry back to the swings but there were a couple of older guys there. They had his arms folded. They had to be about my brother's age. He was like a giant to me. "Buzz off kid, these are our swings."_

"_Yeha, our swings"_

_I moved forward. "Bu.. I was.. was pwaying thwe." The bigger of the two shoved me._

"_Well I'm here now kid, so buzz off, unless you want to give us some money."_

_Tears were coming to my eyes. "But.. but .." The kid shoved me again. _

"_Scram."_

"_I wouldn't do that if I were you." Darry was suddenly behind me_

I shook my head, those memories….. He had saved me from the bullies that day…

**Flash**

_Two long legs found their way to the floor beside me. My mammoth of a brother was on his knees beside my chair. Darry is, for lack of a better word, huge. He sort of scares me. I know now that he wouldn't hurt me but I can't help but think of Davenport's lackeys. The thought of what my brother's temper and physical prowess make him capable of him frighten me._

_"You scared me out of my wits kid."_

_I liked my lips and fingered my cast. I winced. It hurt._

_"I thought you were having a heart attack. He scares you that much?"_

_I closed my eyes. I wasn't stupid. I knew who Darry was talking about. I could picture Richard Davenport's eyes boring into me. I shuddered. "Yeha."_

_"I hate him. I hate him so much but you know what kiddo?"_

_I turned my head to look at Darry. He gave me an awkward glance. "Sometimes I hate myself worse."_

_I tilted my head. "That day you were kidnapped…." He just sat straight and stiff. Darry, the rock. "It was partially my fault. I was sick too. Mom she stayed with me. If she hadn't…"_

_I sighed. Darry shouldn't blame himself… I went with Davenport. What was he getting at anyway?_

_"I had to live eight years without my little brother. I'm not so good at this big brother thing, but you know I care about you kid. I care about what happens. It scares me that Davenport has such an effect on you."_

_I sighed. Darry joined me. "I know it's hard for you, remembering and all but…. I think it's good for you kid. I would never want to do anything to hurt you but it helps to face your fears. Dad always tells me and Soda that if you keep ignoring something it won't go away. I know that this will never go away but I think knowing you helped put that monster behind bars might help you. When I fight in a rumble it feels real good being the one to bring down a guy who I wronged. I know you don't have to go back to that stand Ponyboy but if you don't he's still got power of you. I can't stand it for you to feel that way. You deserve to be the one to hold the aces this time, huh?"_

It was then I knew. Darry hadn't brought me here because he wanted to hurt me. He just wanted to talk. I could trust him. But could I still trust my parents, after everything...

"Darry?"

"Yeha buddy?"

I sighed. "Mom and dad why did they put me on that stuff?"

He sighed and looked at the sky. "That's been bothering you huh, I thought so."

"Dad, that night in the hospital." I shook my head. Why had I said that? Davenport was right, my mouth was better off shut.

"You mean when he held you down?"

I said and did nothing. Darry coughed again, was he sick? No… he was looking funny again. He gave a rueful smile. "Doctor Housemen said that you'd be less of a threat to yourself medicated. I know you weren't thrilled with the idea. I mean you were going crazy. Dad was scared you'd hurt yourself again. He held you down so the nurse can sedate you."

Darry paused and looked at me. "You'd almost killed yourself once. It had to be horrible for mom and dad to find you like that. They didn't want it to happen again. They couldn't have guessed the medicine would hurt you. If they knew, they never ever would have…"

"Oh." Davenport was right. I was an idiot.

"Can we go home now, I'm kind of tired."

"Yeha little brother, come on."

The more I knew my family, the less I knew about them. The more I remembered, the more that happened the more confused I became. I was like a yo-yo, don't trust-trust-trust-don't trust.

"Come on, let's race." I shrugged and ran after my brother. At least when I ran, the confusion stopped. At least when I was ran, I was free.


	67. Conversations

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

Sodapop Curtis shrugged and gave a small smile. "Yeha, mom and dad aint too thrilled with the idea but I want to help them out. Mom thinks I should rest some more."

Steve Randle regarded his best friend for a moment. He wiped his hands with a blue wash rag and sat it back on the tool box. "You know I love the idea of you working with me Soda but don't you think your mom is right? I mean geeze you just finished with therapy. Don't you think you ought to be taking it easy?"

Sodapop Curtis sighed and leaned his head on the black cane he had been using the past few weeks. "I'm not a baby you know. I'm fine now. Mom and dad need the money more than I need the rest"

Steve leaned back with his arms behind his head. "Things that rough?" He knew Sodapop was, by nature, proud when it came to money but he was sure Soda would tell him. They had no secrets from each other.

Soda gave a simple nod. "Hospital bills add up Steve, you should know. I owe you as it is." Steve Randle raised an eyebrow.

"Owe me for what…" Steve's face turned red and his fists clinched. "Soda, you aint still going on about how that wreck is your fault are you. Geeze, how many times have I got to tell ya? The wreck wasn't your fault. You don't owe me squat. Now shut your trap about it or I'll throttle ya, dig?"

Sodapop clamped his mouth shut. He had known Steve long enough to know that while had a big mouth; he was by no means all talk and no action. "Whatever you say. So about that job… You going to talk to Brandon for me?"

Steve laughed. He gave Soda a light punch on the shoulder. "Yeha buddy, I'll talk to him. So you gonna get us some ladies to come by?"

Soda smiled and pretended to slick his hair back. "I'll see what I can do. You work on the cars I work on the ladies. Nice arrangement…"

Steve shook his head. "You know Curtis you are one nutty guy."

"So I've been told…"

Steve through his rag at Soda. Soda tilted his head and the rag missed. Soda laughed. "Missed me…"

Darrel and Margaret walked into the house, grocery bags in both their arms. "We're home." They walked into the kitchen and sat the bags down. "Hello…" Darrel looked at his wife. " I wonder where the boys are."

Margaret shrugged. "Boys…"

Darry walked in around the corner. "Sshh, Pony's asleep."

Darrel looked at his son. "Is he okay, does his chest hurt is…"

Darry laughed. "No, nothing like that. I took him for a run."

Margaret sat the head of lettuce down. "You did what…"

Darry forced a grin and held up his hands. "Don't worry, he did fine." Darry smiled for real this time. "Actually he looked like he was enjoying himself."

Darrel gazed at his son. "Enjoying himself, really?"

Darry shrugged and moved his hands to his pockets. "Yeha, we even raced. I forgot how fast he always was, with some work he could make the track squad when he goes back to school." _"If he wasn't so jumpy around people…." _

Darrel looked at his wife. She gave a nervous frown. "I'm going to check on him…."

"Maggie don't wake….." but his wife had already left the room.

**Pony's Dream**

_Laughter rang in my ear, the high ringing of bells… I knew that laughter. It was my miniature. I opened my eyes. He smiled at me. "Hello."_

_I sighed. "Hey yourself…" I wondered why he was here again. 'What are you doing here?"_

"_I wanted to say thank you for running with Darry."_

_I tilted my head. Why did this kid always leave me so confused? "Umm…"_

_My miniature hoped on the bed and grabbed Babar. He held him tight. "Darry always played with us. I liked it when Darry held me on his shoulders so I," he smiled, "…..we could beat daddy at basketball."_

_I didn't remember that, but then again there was a lot I didn't remember. "He's a big guy."_

_Little me held Babar under his chin. He smiled. "Darry would never hut us, not on purpose. Member how Darry saved us from the bullies, the memory you got at the park…."_

"_How did you…."_

"_Like I said I am me, you are you and we are we. I know everything that happens to you silly."_

_If only I knew everything that happened to him, me, us…_

_Little me patted my knee. "It's okay, you can be happy without remembering. Just know they love you and you love them, that they will never hurt you…"_

_I sighed. "What about the medication, the drugs. That did hurt."_

_Little me shook his head. "What did Darry tell you?"_

_I looked at my lap. "He said they we're only doing it because they wanted to help me and keep me safe."_

"_He's right. Mommy and daddy love us. They would never have made us take that stuff if they thought it would hurt us."_

"_I…."_

"_Pony, Ponyboy…" A voice sounded in the distance._

_My miniature already smiling face grew big and wide. "Mommy!"_

"_Mom…."_

"_Ponyboy, honey…"_

_Little me put Babar down. "Give mommy a hug. Let her talk to you. I want us to make her happy."_

_I cocked my head. "She's been really sad. She wants you to be happy again. I think mommy's afraid that we don't love her."_

_I felt a warm pressure on my forehead. Did I love her…? I looked at little me. I knew that a part of me did. He was him and I was me but we were us, so I knew I cared too. She hadn't meant to hurt me, had she? Or at least nobody else seemed to think so…._

_My eyes blinked open._

Ponyboy Curtis opened his eyes. His mother smiled and pushed back his hair. Ponyboy gave a slight start and then stilled. "Darry said you went on a run. It didn't hurt you did it?"

Ponyboy bit his lip and shook his head. _"Actually it was the first anything has felt right in a long time…." _

"I'm fine." Margaret stared at him. Ponyboy closed his eyes for a second.

"_Give mommy a hug. Let her talk to you. I want us to make her happy."_

_I cocked my head. "She's been really sad. She wants you to be happy again. I think mommy's afraid that we don't love her."_

Ponyboy sighed. "Hey, mom…."

Startled by her son starting a conversation, Margaret blanched a little. "Yes honey?"

"_I can do this. I can do this… She won't hurt me…" _"I love you."

Margaret's eyes widened. Those three simple words had to be the sweetest she had ever heard. They were unprovoked. He had said them of his own accord. Tears came to her eyes.

"Oh Ponyboy…"

"_She's been really sad. She wants you to be happy again. I think mommy's afraid that we don't love her."_

"_Just know they love you and you love them, that they will never hurt you…"_

_right. _

"_Mommy and daddy love us. They would never have made us take that stuff if they thought it would hurt us."_

Ponyboy's hand trembled as he reached out a hand to wipe away one of his mother's tears. _"I've made her so sad… Little me was right. I have to try harder."_

"Please don't cry mom. Please…"

Margaret let out a sob. She held her son's hand to her cheek. "Please I don't want you to be sad anymore.. I'm sorry for making every one sad.. but don't cry."

Margaret shook her head. "I'm…" she choked back some tears. "I'm not crying because I'm sad. I'm crying because I'm, because I'm happy…." _"I have my baby back… my sweet beautiful little boy…"_

**Flash**

_A glow came from the cover which lumped as if it were a tent. __"I should have known."__ Margaret smiled and tip-toed over. She lifted the covers off her youngest son. Ponyboy held a small flashlight in his hand, reading a book._

_Ponyboy looked over his shoulder. He smiled sheepishly like a kid with his hand in the cookie jar. Then he let out a tiny yawn and a large cough. His mother shook her head. "Pony, baby, you should have been asleep three hours ago._

_"I can't sleep mommy, don't feel good." Margaret sighed. She put a hand to her son's forehead. It was on fire._

_"Baby you're burning up. What feels bad?"_

_"My throat hurts mommy, bad and I got a head hurt." He coughed and wheezed. Then Ponyboy sniffled rubbing his neck. Margaret sat down and pulled him close. He leaned in._

Ponyboy eased himself up on the bed. He wrapped his arms around his mother. She pulled him close and ran her fingers through his hair. "I love you too honey, so much…"

**So School is out for the summer semester. I have two weeks and its back to the wind and grind. I will be starting my sophomore year at college. This is my last semester at Community College and then it is off to live on my own at a major university. I am so excited….**


	68. Making Dinner

**Disclaimer: I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_**.**

Margaret can feel her son's heartbeat against her chest. She strokes his cheek lovingly. There is no feeling like it. _"I love you mom."_ Those words haunt her. They are a trifle really. It is a phrase that is thrown around and around but she has not heard her Ponyboy say them in almost nine years.

Ponyboy pulls away from her and looks down at the floor. Margaret sighs, disappointed. Everything cannot just fix itself in an instant, but still… "Ponyboy," she reaches out a hand to touch his shoulder. He flinches but does not pull away.

He is deep in thought. "_She's been really sad. She wants you to be happy again. I think mommy's afraid that we don't love her." _He recalled what she said as she held him. _"I'm not crying because I'm sad. I'm crying because I'm, because I'm happy…."_ Ponyboy knew he'd have to try harder to fit in, to stop flinching when he was touched, to try to talk more. Maybe that was what his miniature had been telling him. _"I'll never be happy until I try. If I keep pulling away then he wins." _Ponyboy shivered. He'd never forget his time with Davenport.

"Ponyboy?" His mother gave his shoulder another squeeze. He turned to face her. "Are you hungry? I was going to make some vegetable soup."

He nods softly, the run earlier has really made him hungry. "Okay honey. You just get some more sleep, okay?" Another nod and his head hits the pillow. Margaret leans over and kisses his forehead. "All right dear." She pulls the covers over her son and leaves the room.

Darrel is still putting up the groceries, Darry is at the table. "He okay?" Margaret sniffles and nods. Darrel turns around. He stares. "What's wrong Maggie?"

"He said he loved me." She smiles. "He hugged me Darrel. He hugged me."

Darrel's eyes grow wide and he sets the bread down, and goes to wrap his arms around his wife. She sobs into his chest, tears of joy. Darrel holds his wife close and looks at his oldest son. "I don't know what you did Superman but thank you, thank you so much."

The weight of the passing moment's presses on his shoulder's as he remembers the day's events. Had he really done something to bring his baby brother back to them? He wasn't so sure.

_"Darry?"_

_"Yeha buddy?"_

_Ponyboy sighed. "Mom and dad why did they put me on that stuff?"_

_I sighed and looked at the sky. "That's been bothering you huh, I thought so."_

_"Dad, that night in the hospital."He shook his head. I'd have given anything to know what he was thinking_

_"You mean when he held you down?"_

_He was silent. I coughed again I gave a rueful smile, hoping to comfort him. "Doctor Housemen said that you'd be less of a threat to yourself medicated. I know you weren't thrilled with the idea. I mean you were going crazy. Dad was scared you'd hurt yourself again. He held you down so the nurse can sedate you."_

_I paused and looked at my brother. "You'd almost killed yourself once. It had to be horrible for mom and dad to find you like that. They didn't want it to happen again. They couldn't have guessed the medicine would hurt you. If they knew, they never ever would have…" My parents were the best. They would never do anything to hurt any one of us._

_"Oh." What was he thinking?_

_"Can we go home now, I'm kind of tired."_

_"Yeha little brother, come on."_

All Darry had done was take his little brother on a run to the park and talked to him. Could it really have done that much? _"Little things hurt them, a race, a cold… Could something so small help?" _

Before Darry could ponder the thought more Sodapop walked in the room and plopped onto a kitchen chair, leaning his cane against the table. All eyes moved to him. He looked at his parents.

"Hey mom, why are you crying?" She pulled away from Darrel and smoothed out her dress. Margaret wiped her eyes. "I'm just happy. Ponyboy is having a good day today."

"He told me he loved me today."

Soda blinked. "He what?"

"And he hugged me."

Sodapop processed that. He sighed. These past few months Ponyboy had been so closed off. During physical therapy Soda had tried to get his brother to open up. He really had. But there was little luck in that regard. There had only been a few occasions that Soda believed he had made any progress at all.

_Sodapop shook his head. "You okay kid?" There was no answer. Soda reached out his hand and placed it on his brother's shoulder. Ponyboy flinched._

_"I'm not going to hurt you. You didn't hurt me." Ponyboy stared down at the sheets, his ears turning red. Soda paused. "Is that what you thought?"_

_Again Ponyboy was silent. "You didn't… it was fun." Soda shook his head. "You've been awful quiet these past couple of months. It's nice spending time together, don't you think?"_

_Another shrug, "Ponyboy…"_

_"You know, I really do enjoy spending time with you, it's bad enough having to go through all this mess, I mean I know I brought it all on myself but…."_

_Ponyboy looked up. "huh?"_

_"Well I mean at least you don't have to be alone there. Me I like being around people. I know you aint crazy about it but its better together."_

_"I guess so."_

_"Kind of like math class. You were a big help, got me motivated. You do it in therapy too. Glory am I glad you're there. Would be lonely all on my own. I hate that you had the heart attack but it's nice having you there. We're all glad your okay."_

_Ponyboy folded his hands in his lap. He did not look Sodapop in the eyes. "I'm not hungry."_

_Soda gazed at him. "You've been avoiding us."_

_Ponyboy licked his lip. "I think I'd like to be alone now."_

_Soda lifted his chin so they were meeting face to face, eye to eye. "Mom and dad never meant to hurt you." Ponyboy tore his chin away and looked at the wall. Soda sighed and grabbed his crutches. It was a lost cause, for now._

_"I'll bring you a plate, maybe we can eat together."_

_As Soda walked towards the door he heard Ponyboy call his name. "Soda?"_

_"Yeha buddy?"_

_Ponyboy sighed. "I didn't hurt you?"_

_"No, you didn't hurt me." _

_"Oh."_

_Soda started to limp away again. "Soda…"_

_He turned his head. "Yeha?"_

_"Thanks…"_

Sodapop wondered briefly what had brought on this change. "That's great Ma." He smiled for her sake. He was happy, really he was, but part of Soda wished he could have been there to witness it.

Margaret walked over and kissed her son's cheek. "He's laying down right now but I'm fixing to cook dinner for all of us. Want to help?"

Soda shrugged. "What we having."

"Vegetable Soup and cornbread, will you and Darry chop some vegetables for me?"

Sodapop Curtis steadies himself on the chair and grabs his cane. "Sure mom, Darry?"

"Yes mame."

"Aren't you two sweet? I'll start the cornbread."

Soda nods at his brother and they heads over to the counter where their father has already set everything out. Soda smiles at Darry who gives a half grin back. "You peel I chop?" Darry asks.

"Sounds good." Soda replies and the brothers begin.

The kitchen begins to fill with dinner's aroma and the air becomes joyful, an emotion long missing from the home. The four oldest members of the family chat merrily as they cook. "So I talked to Steve today…"

"mmm…" Mrs. Curtis replies pouring cornbread batter into the muffin pan.

"Yeha he's going to talk to his boss over at the DX about a job for me."

Margaret puts the bowel down and wipes her hands on her apron. "I don't think that's such a good idea Soda, honey you just now getting up and about…"

"I'm fine ma, really… I want to help you and dad…"

Margaret sighed. She turned to face her son. She cupped his chin. "That's really sweet of you Soda, sweetie but your dad and I are fine. We'll figure everything out."

"Mom, I want to help. I'm fine, really. Besides it would be fun."

Darrel laughed."You and Steve together that might be trouble."

Soda frowned. He wondered if his father was thinking of the wreck. _"He wouldn't be laughing about it….no…, what then…"_ Soda ran a hand through his hair. _"You're being silly. He's talking about all the other stuff."_

"We'd just be working, not goofing off."

"Yeha, sure…" Soda shot a nasty look at his older brother.

"Mom, dads please. I want to help.."

Darrel licked his lips and scratched his chin. The idea honestly appealed to him. _"It would be good for Soda."_

"Actually Maggie it might not be such a bad idea."

"Darrel…"

"Just hear me out Maggie." Margaret folded her arms. She eyed her husband. He tried to smile and ease the tension. "A job would help Soda learn some responsibility. And we could use the help…"

Margaret closed her eyes sighed. "Alright, we'll talk about it. For now let's eat dinner. It's been a good day so far. I don't want to get any arguments." Darrel nodded. He walked over and kissed her cheek.

"You got it babe."

In the back room Ponyboy Curtis turned over smiling in his sleep.


	69. Birthday Part One

Sorry it took so long. Between school starting and all the stress that brings….

**Disclaimer I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

**November 22****nd**** 1966**

**The significance of this day was not lost on Ponyboy Curtis. He would admit to many things, insanity perhaps but never ignorance. This was the first birthday he had spent with his real family since he was four years old, ten years. He had been kidnapped before he had even turned five. Of course Ponyboy understood the significance of this day… **

The sun glistened and caressed his face. Ponyboy blinked his eyes open. The room was still and quiet. No yelling, nobody pounding his limbs, paradise. Sighing he flung his feet off the bed and onto the cool floor. He yawned and stretched his arms. He winced. The recent cold snap had not been easy on his bad arm. He rubbed it gently.

Smacking his lips Ponyboy scratched his head. He heard the banging of pots and pans and the echo's of laughter coming from the kitchen. He sighed. _"They'll want you to be social. This important day for them..." _

The only birthdays Ponyboy could remember were the few he had with his family since his return, but his own birthday, he could not recall one of these celebrations. In truth he had never been sure of his exact date of birth. Davenport had never acknowledged the day and Ponyboy had been too afraid to ask. It wouldn't have mattered anyways. Davenport's idea of a birthday gift would have been not to have locked him in a closet for a day.

Shaking his head Ponyboy stood up and walked out of the room, rubbing his bad arm. As he got closer the noise grew louder. Ponyboy hated loud noises. It seemed as if they crawled right through his ears and up to his brain bringing flashes of pain and memories. Quiet, quiet was much preferable. But he put on a smile anyways. He knew this day was significant. _"How many of my birthdays did they mourn for me, wonder about me…"_

Increasingly more so since his encounters with his childhood self Ponyboy had found himself thinking more and more of his family and their feelings. He had come to realize that the more he was withdrawn, the more pain they were in. When he interacted they were happy and the mood was lighter. With the lessening tension, he was less afraid, and he felt almost, almost content. But there was still a small part of him that feared the people he knew loved him.

The noise in the kitchen ceased as he walked in. His mother looked up from the stove. She gave a misty smile. "Happy Birthday honey." Three heads lifted from the table. His brothers wore huge grins. His dad, he looked, sad, happy? Ponyboy was not sure.

His eyes were misty as he wished his son a happy birthday. "Have a seat buddy. We were going to let you sleep in today but we're glad you're up." Ponyboy bit his lip, pulled out a chair and sat down. He kept his head to the floor.

"Happy Birthday buddy."

"Happy Birthday Pony…"

Ponyboy does not really know what to say so instead he just shrugs and gives a small "Thank you." There is silence at the table then. The boys look at each other and then to the father. He smiles softly.

"We hope it's a good one, don't we boys."

Ponyboy's brother's nod enthusiastically, trying to get their younger brother to feel the same but they know it is a losing battle.

**Darrel Sr.**

I rested my chin on my palm as I watched him eat his eggs and biscuits, so slow and absently. I cannot get enough of it. Ponyboy had gone missing before his fifth birthday. I did the math in my head. 5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13. Nine birthday, nine birthdays it had been. It had been horrible. We'd spend those days in what I can only think to call morning, a day of reverence for our little boy.

We'd just sit in his room, Maggie and I, looking at all his things, his little cloths and toys… We'd sit and wonder. Every birthday was like a funeral. To be able to see him now, on this day of all days, alive and… maybe well wasn't the best word. But he was here with us, safe. My little boy…

_The doctors didn't hold out much hope and my heart is breaking. The nurse led me to a room. I read the sign above…PICU/NICU. "Pediatric and Neonatal Intensive Care." She explained. My heart raced. My son was in there. Another son, Maggie had given me another son. But he was born early and he wasn't feeding,. He wouldn't suckle, not at all. I sighed and followed the nurse once more into the room._

_There he was, my little boy so small in the clear incubator, his own little room, His tiny face, was scrunched up and red. He made the softest little mewing sounds I had ever heard. My wedding ring would have fit across his wrists. I sighed. My heart went out to this little newcomer, my little boy._

_I put my hand inside the little machine. I stroked his tiny, emaciated cheek. "Hi little guy, it's your daddy." A soft tear fell down my cheek. The thought of losing him scared me to no end. _

"_I love you." I swear his little eyes opened and he looked at me. He knew me. I smiled in spite of myself. He was so beautiful. "You got to start eating little guy." I told him, fingering his tiny hand. "We want you to come home with us. Your mommy and daddy, and your brothers…" _

_I sighed. "You have two you know, Darry and Soda. You have Soda's nose. Just like your mommy's…" I sighed. "Please eat, little buddy, for your daddy…."_

The oven timer beeped. Maggie gave a slight squeak. "That'll be the cake."

"Cake?"

"I thought we could have your cake early. It is your birthday after all."

"Oh," Ponyboy replied softly, "Thank you."

I force a smile on my face. The gesture is something so small. It should be a tradition, not a specialty. "It's no problem buddy. I wish we could do more."

"That's okay." He rarely talks, my son. The past month has been a blessing but I wish he could be a little more outgoing.

I look from Ponyboy to my other sons and then to his mother. Maggie is icing the cake. She nods. I clear my throat. "We couldn't give you much…" I paused, "But how would you like your presents as well."

Ponyboy looks up at me. His eyes are wide in, astonishment? Confusion? Or is it happiness, I couldn't be sure.

**Ponyboy**

I cannot remember the last time I have been given any presents, save for Darry's worn practice jacket, for which I am grateful. Father would furnish me with basic needs, any education tools he deemed fit to prevent my becoming all he claimed me to be, but never truly any gifts. I don't deserve any, anyways. They can't afford to lavish gifts on me, not now. I'm so much trouble.

Dad smiles at me as he leaves the room; and returns with a small pile of neatly wrapped gifts. My mom sets the cake on the table. I couldn't help but stare at the candles. Fourteen, there are fourteen candles. It feels odd to be so old. I've been living for years as someone younger but I guess that is just one more lie I've been fed. I've been a teenager for a year now and I am not sure if I fell much, much older or much younger.

Dad flips off the lights and takes a seat. Soda pulls a lighter from his pocket and he lights the candles. The flicker and I watch the flame's glow. The embers seem to be dancing. It is beautiful.

"Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday dear Ponyboy. Happy Birthday to you" This is the first birthday celebration in memory. I was somewhat shocked at the effect the simple song had on me.

They seem so happy, my family. For a moment I cannot help but wonder what they did for my birthday in previous years. I don't want to ruin this for them so I smile. MY mother is close to tears but she too is grinning as she cuts the cake.

"Here you go sweetie, a nice big slice." She kisses my cheek. I do not recoil, I am not repulsed. Even if I have to tell myself a hundred times, I know she would never take it farther.

The cake is the best thing I have ever tasted, moist and rich. Davenport never would have let me have anything like it. A part of me, however small, was starting to enjoy this.

My dad laughed. "I remember your first birthday." I looked up and he sighed. "You made such a mess smashed your face right into that cake. You were bound and determined to eat it. You had chocolate everywhere. Of course you always did love your mother's cake…."

I grimaced. There was a time when my birthday was a happy affair. I wondered briefly once more how hard this day had been for them, but I didn't ask. No matter what, I had to be happy. As long as I was happy, they would be. I'd come to notice things were a lot better when they were happy. There was a lot less tension. The less tension, the better.


	70. Birthday Part Two

**Disclaimer- I do not now, nor have I ever owned **_**The Outsiders. **_**Read, review, enjoy…..**

The gifts lay brightly wrapped in front of him. He was almost afraid to touch them, they were so beautiful. Gifts were not something the newly turned fourteen year old was used to. He looked up from his finished slice of cake.

"Go on dear," His mother gave an encouraging smile. Wearily, forcefully he smiled back. Confusion filled his chest with nervous butterflies. He did not know whether to be overjoyed at the prospect of gifts pr saddened, that he himself had not had a birthday present in so many years. Should he be more so of either for himself or for the family, who had spent so many years on this day in morning.

Sighing, he gently began removing the wrapper of the first gift. His eyes opened wide. BOOKS! He fingered their paper covers lovingly. Lifting his eyes up he met his parents eyes. The books were used, slightly threadbare but…. Books, they had been his only friends for so long.

His father stood up and wrapped his arms around his mother. "Do you like them."

Ponyboy Curtis nodded mutely. He then stared at the titles_. Huck Finn_, _The Phantom of the Opera_… he gulped looking at the masked figure, a soul as tortured as his own. And then he turned to the last book, _To Kill a Mockingbird_, the symbolicness was not lost on him, not one bit.

There was also a card, a card. He had never received a card or letter of any type. Careful so as not to ruin the envelope he opened the flap and pulled out the card. It was a simple little card. There was nothing on it but a simple birthday cake. He opened it up. The handwriting was so neat, almost calligraphy. He traced it with his fingers.

**Happy Birthday Ponyboy,**

_** Today you are fourteen years old. We could only have ever dreamed we would be able to celebrate this day with you again. The last time you were here with us you were so small and now you are almost all grown up. There are so many years that we have lost, but there are so many more we will have together. We want you to know that we love you very much Ponyboy. Nothing makes any of us happier then knowing you are here today.**_

_**Happy Birthday **_

_**Love, **_

_**Mom, Dad, Sodapop and Darry. **_

A small black and white photograph fell from the card. He looked at it. Two young boys stood behind a chair, on which stood a chubby little boy blowing out birthday candles. They were all smiling, so happy. Ponyboy looked up. "Thank you."

"You're welcome honey. Now open up the rest."

He nodded. The next gift was neatly wrapped, not a wrinkle on it. Even without the tag, he might have guessed it came from Darry. Though retreating inward, he had been able to notice the past few months that Darry was terribly neat and organized.

"Thanks Darry."

Darry grinned at him. "I think you'll like it buddy."

Sighing Ponyboy gently infolded the wrapping. He wanted nothing more than to keep the smile on Darry's face. The happier the family, the less tension there was. The less tension there was, the easier it was for him to stay calm.

The wrapping peeled to reveal a box, simple enough. Ponyboy lifted the lid. He blinked, he had seen this before, what was it? Ah yes, a football. He remembered vaguely Darry once brining up the game, he'd teach him. Ponyboy didn't revel in the fact that the game involved tackling, or so Soda had called the pushing down they had seen on television. But, Darry seemed excited by the prospect.

The football was used, slightly worn. There were some signatures or something on it. Ponyboy looked up in confusion. Darry laughed. "That was the game ball from when we played Central high, my freshmen year. It was my first game."

Ponyboy grasped the significance of this. This ball had meaning to his brother. Whatever had he done to deserve something like that? Darry need not do that. He wasn't used to gifts anyways. This was too much…..

"You like it kiddo?"

Ponyboy could only nod.

"I figured we could go outside later and Soda and I could show you some moves, maybe have the guys join in."

"_The guys…"_ it was not that he disliked his brothers' friends. They treated him well enough, he supposed. But their presence still made him uneasy. It had taken him long enough to get to the point when he was able to half way trust his family. It would be much longer before he could trust their friends.

It wasn't such an irrational fear, not really. The four boys his brothers called friend were a intimidating, most especially that Dallas Winston. Ponyboy didn't dare get on his bad side. And the one they called Tea-Bite, or whatever his name was, he was so loud. Steve, he hadn't exactly been cordial with Ponyboy when he had started the high school. Besides, he looked like he had a short enough fuse. That dark haired kid, Johnny, was it? Ponyboy had yet to make his mind up about him, and that was the most frightening thing of all.

Pushing all this down, Ponyboy smiled. "I'd like that." Satisfied at gaining his brother's happiness Ponyboy turned his attention the sloppily wrapped gift on the table. _"Soda's."_

"It's not much." Soda said, shrugging sheepishly.

His mother smiled and patted his arm reassuringly. "I am sure Ponyboy will love whatever you gave him honey."

Laughing his dad winked at his brother. "Pepsi, it's the thought that counts."

"_he's right… nobody ever thinks of me. It's nice to have someone care for once."_

Ponyboy licked his lips and opened the package. He gasped. The sketchpad was cardboard bound but the pencils, real artist's pencils and watercolors. Ponyboy didn't know much about wages but he knew this most have cost his brother nearly a whole paycheck.

"Soda!" his mother gasped. Sodapop shrugged again.

"That first day in PE, you were drawing. You always had your sketch pad at school but," he paused, "I haven't seen you draw since, since we got you back. I thought you might like to start again."

"_Davenport said it was a waste of time.. but.." _His eyes blinked back with tears. This was truly the best birthday he could recall, if not the only one, really. Ponyboy wasn't sure if he deserved such kindness, but he appreciated it all the same. He sighed.

"_So this is what it is like to be happy."…._


	71. Football

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

The autumn air was crisp and cool. His arm ached from the chill but he could not bring himself to leave the small clearing his brothers had referred to as the abandoned lot. He pulled the hood of the sweater over his forehead. His brother, Darry, laughed.

"Soda will be out soon, if he can convince mom to let him. He's usually pretty good at getting his way with her." Ponyboy simply nodded, a little nervous about the prospect of football with his brothers but they seemed enthusiastic enough.

Their mother had not shared the enthusiasm.

"_Soda does not need to hurt his leg… What about Ponyboy's heart…" His father had laughed at her._

"_Let them have their fun. Darry won't let anything happen. Its Ponyboy's birthday, he should be having fun not staying cooped up."_

_His mother had sighed then._

His brother flashed a nervous grin. 'Wanna toss the ball around a bit; get in some practice before Soda comes out?"

Ponyboy shrugged. He had never really played any sports. He was not sure whether or not he was very interested or not. The idea made him happy, being included in the game… but there were still doubts. What if he did get hurt, made a fool of himself. What if he ruined this day. It was going so well…..

He shook the thought of his head. _"They love me, Darry and Soda just want to spend time with me, like we would have if… well like we should anyway._

"Yeha, okay."

Darry rubbed his hands together. He seemed genuinely happy with the idea of the game, almost giddy. "You'll do great."

Ponyboy merely shrugged. "What do I do?"

Darry laughed. "Let's start with something simple, your arm isn't in the best shape as it is, right?"

Ponyboy nodded. That was one piece of logic even he could not argue with. "How about I show you how to throw a ball. It's been awhile."

"_If ever…"_ Ponyboy let out a small smile. "Okay."

Darry walked over to his brother and placed a free hand on his shoulder. "Okay buddy first I need your hand."

"My…my hand?"

"Yap, don't worry. I'm not going to hurt you."

"_Not on purpose…. But what… what if I'm no good? What if he wasted his football on me. He might get mad and…and…"_

Strong hands grabbed his hands and placed the football within them. Darry grabbed his brother's fingers and gingerly settled them around the lace of the football.

"This helps you grip it better. Where your thumb is on the bottom that is where the ball is going to go." Darry took his brother's arm and arched it back. "Arch your arm back like this, keep it level with your ear and let it rip…" Ponyboy let go, dumbfounded as the ball rippled through the air.

_"I did it…..I did it. I actually did it…" _Ponyboy beamed. Darry ruffled his hair.

"Good job little buddy. You did real good. Wanna give it a shot for yourself now?"

Ponyboy nodded. _"So this is what fun is like. Feels real good."_

"Here Ponyboy, catch!" The football hurdled toward him. A little surprised it was all Ponyboy could do to let the ball stumble in his finger tips before he caught it.

"_Well so much for doing good job…"_ But instead of being angry, Darry was chuckling. "Good try kiddo. You aint half as clumsy as Soda…"

"Me clumsy…" They both turned around. Sodapop was coming towards them.

"Hey there buddy. Mom finally let you off the leash?"

Sodapop chuckled, head behind head. "Yeha, dad finally got her to calm down. So are we going to sit and chat or are we going to play some football?"

"What do you say Ponyboy, you ready to toss the ball around some more?"

Ponyboy looked up. 'Um, okay.."

"Okay then let's get to it."

Darry grinned and the ball flew through the air. Ponyboy fumbled a bit but caught the ball. After a nod from his brother, he flew the ball in Soda's direction, missing his target by a few feet. Red blush flew to his cheeks.

"_Oh man, oh man…"_

Soda simply grinned like a chestier cat and laughed. "Opps I should have gone for it, huh?"

"_fuh." _Ponyboy took a deep breath. It was okay, everything was okay. He grinned as the ball flew to him once more and he sailed it back to Darry. And so it went. Laughter rang through his ears and a part of Ponyboy could have sworn he had been here before, in this yard with his brothers, laughing and having, having fun….

_The hands were much large then his own. "That's right Pony. You got it."_

"_But Dawwy, my han is too smaw."_

"_Here, I'll help you." The hand moved with his own and the ball soured. He smiled and jumped up and down. _

"_I did it Dawwy, I did it!"_

_Big arms swung him around. Darry was laughing too. "Good job Pony."_

_PLOP! Another body ran into their two and they all fell to the ground. "I wanna play too."_

_Ponyboy laughed rubbing his head. "You siwwy Soda. You can pway too."_

"_I'm quarterback."_

"_What quatah? Did mommy give ya?"_

_Darry shook his head and grinned."Not a quarter back like a coin, silly. Quarter back is a spot on a football team."_

"_oh, okta, I wanna be one too."_

"_There can only be one quarterback stupid."Soda said matter of factly._

_Ponyboy pouted tears coming from his eyes.. "You mean Soda." He sniffled._

_Darry glared at Sodapop who looked down guiltily. "Sodapop…"_

_Soda frowned and put a hand on his brother's shoulder. "I'm sorry Pony. I didn't mean it. You can be the quarterback."_

_Ponyboy looked up. "Really?"_

_Soda nodded. Ponyboy flung his arms around his brother. "Thank you."_

"_You're welcome buddy."_

_Darry leaned over and ruffled his brother's hair. "You know what; I think I'll be a linebacker. And I think," he paused, eyes sparkling with laughter, "that I'll start by taking you too." _

_He jumped on his brothers tackling them to the ground and tickling them. Laughter rang through the air as the brother rolled on the ground."_

Ponyboy smiled, the memory warming him. He wasn't used to feelings, feelings of such joy. If this was what he had to look forward to, then maybe, just maybe his younger self was right. Things were finally looking up. He only hoped they stayed that way.


	72. Epilogue

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

**Epilogue**

**September 27****th****, 1967**

I wasn't sure why I let them talk me into this. I was never going to make the team. I'm really not that fast. Besides, I hate people staring at me. Large crowds still send chills up my spine. I had half a mind to turn tail and run all the way home to my room, safe, quiet no people…. I looked up and sighed. Soda was in the stands. I looked closer. Darry was too. _"What is he doing off work?"_ I gulped. They were not alone. I recognized three other faces. Their friends who have slowly but surely become my friends as well.

My heart pounded in my chest and my palms felt sweaty. I sighed. _"You can do this… You can do this… I can't do this…" _My stomach twisted in knots and I felt sick.

I looked down and laced my untied shoes, once belonging to Soda. I looked up. He was still up in the stands smiling at me. He gave me thumbs up. I gave a nervous smile and bit my lip. _…"_ I closed my eyes tight picturing my first run, with Darry. I had never felt freedom like that before. It was invigorating. I was going to do this. I had to do this. I had to prove it to my self that I could.

I briefly remembered another time that I was terrified out of my wits, to scared ti speak, to do anything. "_I know you don't have to go back to that stand Ponyboy but if you don't he's still got power of you. I can't stand it for you to feel that way. You deserve to be the one to hold the aces this time, huh?"_

For so many years I had no choice, no freedom. Even once I was home, with people who cared about me, I was still a prisoner, to my memories to my lack of, to my fears…

I sighed. If I didn't do this, I'd never forgive myself.

Another vice popped into my head, the voice of Harper Lee. I could see the pages as clearly as the field before me. _"I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It's when you know you're licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do"_

For once in my life; I would be brave. The coach's voice boomed "Ready, Set… **GO!" **Before my brain had a chance to register what was going on, my feet were off, pounding hard against the pavement. My heart raced, in a rhythmic beat with my feet below. 1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1…..

Sweat poured down my brow and breathed in deeply. I never felt so, so right… A senior boy made is way to run in front of me. I felt myself arching, my speed increasing. I wasn't going to give up the lead. For once in my life… I was going to take control. I was not about to lose this.

"Go Pony…."

"Run Ponyboy… run.."

"Woohooo…."

I knew those voices, Friends of my brothers, that I could know claim as my own. I smiled in spite of myself. Not only did I have a family… for the first time in memory I had friends. I pushed myself harder. I was… was showing off. I had never done that before, never. My grin grew wider. I saw the finish line. I was almost there.

More shouts, not angry, not yelling at me, but for me. I closed my eyes.

**FLASH**

_I curled into a ball and rocked. Father was angry, so angry. "Pathetic, worthless…" He gave me a kick. "You are a nothing. You hear me. You are a stupid, lazy, useless piece of crap. You know it kid. Aint nobody love you and aint nobody going to love you."_

_He picked me up by my shirt and hauled me to my feet. I could feel his breath hot and sticky on my face. "You little shit. You lousy piece of trash. He held me up and slapped me. Then he took his fist to my jaw. Tear fell down my face. _

**FLASH**

_The closet door was yanked open and the light blinded me. Father was yelling a string of cuss words so fast I couldn't hear them or in the very least I couldn't make them out. He wasn't in a good mood at all. I think he might have been drunk._

"_Get up!"_

_I shivered. I didn't want to. I wanted to stay in the closet. The closet was safe._

"_**I said get up!"**_

**FLASH**

"_Shithead… Shithead... Shithead."_

"_Worthless… worthless…"_

"_baby baby."_

"_shitheads going to die… shitheads going to die… shitheads going to die…"_

"_He's coming to get you. We're coming to get you."_

"_First up the nose then the mouth."_

_They laugh and it sounds like father. I wish they'd go away… go away…."_

I shook my head and let the memories die, if only for a moment before they were resurrected. I sighed and leaned over, panting. The new shouts grew louder.

"Woohooo…"

"Go Pony…"

"Man oh man did you see how fast he was going…"

"Curtis… Curtis….."

I panted, grinning. If somebody had told me a year ago that I would be here, I never would have believed them, not in a million years.

But then again, somebody did.

_"I'm me, you're you but we're we. We're both leaving and a new us will come. Things can't be easy fast. Mommy always says the storm comes before the rain."_

_"I.. I"_

_He grabbed my hand. "I'll never remember everything and you'll never forget. But the new us can have a little of both."_

_I sighed. "Will we ever be happy?"_

_My me shrugged. "Sometimes but we'll be sad too. We can have mommy and daddy and our brothers though. We can love them again. They already love us."_

_"I don't think I'll ever be able to trust them."_

_"I trust them so the new us will someday."_

_"And the new us, will we trust other people?"_

_"He'll never be you but he'll never be me either even though he is us. I used to trust most everybody but I was kinda shy. You don't trust anyone because the bad man hurt us. We'll have good days and bad days."_

"You okay Ponyboy?" I shook myself out of my daze.

"I'm fine." Darry grinned.

"You did good kid, real good." I smiled.

I looked over to the side. Coach McNeal was motioning my over. Soda gave me a thumbs up. "Go on kiddo, go see what he wants."

I nodded, more than a little nervous. Darry laughed. "It'll be fine, go on." Taking a deep breath, I ran over.

Coach McNeal smiled. "Congratulations Curtis. You've made the team."

"Excuse me sir?" Surely I had not heard him correctly.

Coach McNeal chuckled. "I said you made the team son. You've got talent Curtis, just like your brother." He nodded to Darry. "You come from good stock. I expect great things from you kid."

"_I expect great things from you kid"_ I gulped. Surely this time I had definitely heard wrong. Nobody, nobody had said those words to me.

"_Shithead… Shithead... Shithead."_

"_Worthless… worthless…"_

"_baby baby."_

I felt myself shaking. "Thank you sir."

He smiled."First practice is Monday."

I nodded and walked slowly over to my brothers, still unable to comprehend this turn of events.

By this time, three faces had joined them. Two-bit Matthews raised an eyebrow. "So what'd he want kid?"

I looked down at my shoes. "Well?" Steve piped in.

I bit my lip. Soda put a hand on my shoulder. "Ponyboy?"

Slowly, I lifted my eyes to meet the small crowd. "I..I made the squad." I was met with five large smiles.

"That a boy Ponyboy."

"Way to go Curtis."

Johnny gave me a soft grin. "Good job."

Darry put a hand on my other shoulder. "I'm proud of you little buddy." I looked at my brother. He had given my first running shoes, taken me on my first run. Was that what brothers were for? I smiled at him.

My lips trembled. "Thanks Darry, for everything." He gave my shoulder a squeeze.

"Any time little buddy, any time."

That night, sitting at the dinner table I couldn't help but think this was the way life was meant to be. Soda and Dad were goofing around, keeping us all in stitches. I looked at my mother. She looked as if she wanted to interject but every time she was about to, lost her composure.

We were celebrating, something any normal family should be able to do. You cannot miss what you do not have but I cannot think of anything I could have wanted more than this. We may never be the family we were so many years ago but in some ways I think we are better for it. After so many years of being alone, separated from each other; so many years of wondering, of mourning, we were together.

I will never be the little boy who walked through the doors of Tulsa Memorial Hospital only to disappear of the face of the earth. Then again, nobody in this family is the same as they were back then. I took the long way there but I was finally hope, safe and happy. But most of all I was, I am loved. And that has made all the difference.

**THE END**

**So here I say goodbye to a story that has taken me over a year to write. It is the longest piece I have written in any genre, fanfiction or original work. I am proud to say that this is a big accomplishment for me. I would like to thank all my reviewers. You have made all the difference to me. **

**I do not know if I will ever write a sequel to this story. I would like to but my sequels, like movies, do not seem to measure up to the original.**

**On that note, I have decided to give **_**Respirations and Resuscitations**_** up for adoption. I am stuck on this story and have lost some interest in it. If you are interested in adopting it just message me. **

**I have some great ideas in the future for other works and hope to post them soon. Thank you for taking time to read my fanfiction. Thank you again to all my reviewers. God Bless.**


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